Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, while walking down our stairs holding my infant son, "Carl," in one arm and a cordless phone in my other hand, I tripped over our cat and fell down 14 hardwood stairs. I dropped the phone and cradled my baby close to my body.
I ended up with a black eye, six stitches, a fat lip, a broken hand, and more bumps and bruises than you can imagine. Miraculously, Carl is fine.
Since that day, my mind has been filled with "what ifs," especially regarding my son. I am haunted by all the horrible possibilities.
It's embarrassing to have fallen down the stairs, Abby, but I know many busy mothers are distracted every day. I'm writing because I hope my experience will help others avoid such an accident. -- BLACK-AND-BLUE MOM
DEAR MOM: You learned a painful lesson. There is an old saying, "You can't do two things at once." Although many people can safely multitask, when one is carrying a baby or small child, the safest course of action is to remember you are carrying precious cargo and give it your full attention.
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my husband and I moved into a lovely neighborhood. We became acquainted with our neighbors across the street, and they seemed like nice people. The problem is they now assume they are our best friends.
We have introduced them to a few of our old friends, and now they think they are part of our "group." They have even followed us when we have been invited to our friends' homes and have shown up uninvited. We don't tell them where we are going -- they drive around until they spot our car.
This is very embarrassing. We are afraid our old friends will stop inviting us knowing that these neighbors will show up too.
How do we handle this without hurting their feelings? We have never had a problem like this before. -- ANNA IN ATLANTA
DEAR ANNA: Your neighbors probably have no friends because they are so needy and possessive. However, following you and intruding on others' get-togethers is rude. Their unacceptable behavior will not stop until someone (how about you?) explains to them that guests who drop in uninvited are not welcome.
DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old daughter has been dating a 28-year-old man since last summer. I feel strongly that he's too old for her and have expressed this to both of them.
This guy is very good to my daughter and seems to care a great deal for her. Frankly, the only thing I can fault him for is the fact that he's a little too opinionated. Other than that, he's great. However, I still have a problem with the age difference. What do you think, Abby? -- WORRIED MOM IN KENTUCKY
DEAR MOM: Unless your daughter is extremely immature for her years, a seven-year age difference should not present a problem. Of greater concern to me is your comment about him being "too opinionated." You wrote, "It's the only thing I can fault him for."
Perhaps the problem is you don't agree with his opinions. As long as he respects yours and you respect his, there should be no problem.
Time will tell whether or not this man has any character flaws, but keep in mind that few people (male or female) are eager to be placed under a microscope. For everyone's sake, please lighten up.
MOTHER'S APRON STRINGS ARE STRANGLING MIDDLE-AGED SON
DEAR ABBY: I am a 36-year-old single man who has boomeranged between living on my own and with my parents during the past three years. Finally, I'm planning on moving to a permanent place of my own.
The problem is my mother appears to deeply resent my leaving. Ever since the moving issue came up, no matter what I do or say, I cannot do anything right by Mom. It's brought out the worst in her.
My new apartment is closer to my job, and it's only 30 miles away, so I will be able to visit my parents often. I understand that Mom has health problems and needs help, but I have five siblings in the area, and I could always be at my folks' quickly to help with any emergency.
Because I am not married nor do I have children, I sometimes think this makes my family feel as if it's my job to take care of our parents. I love them, but these past three years have created resentment and frustration on my part. I feel I would be a healthier person living on my own, but I don't know how to communicate this to Mom. Please help, Abby. This is tearing our relationship apart. -- FRUSTRATED SON IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRUSTRATED SON: Sometimes relationships need to be torn apart before they can be successfully reconstructed. Consider this move a period of growth for you and your mother. You are a loving son who has the right to a life of your own. However, your mother may have greater fears about her health than you realize. Speak to your siblings and urge them to stay closer in touch. She needs reassurance that someone is nearby to help her if she needs assistance.
DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Jerry" for two years. When we moved in together, we both brought furniture and household items into our new home. I want us to buy a new sofa. Jerry insists on putting his old one into storage instead of getting rid of it. Should I be worried he isn't fully committed to our relationship? -- GOING NOWHERE IN CINCINNATI
DEAR GOING NOWHERE: No. I suspect the old couch holds memories for Jerry that he's reluctant to part with. Time may resolve this problem when he realizes that the fees for storing the couch add up to more than the purchase price.
DEAR ABBY: I have lived with "Fred" on and off for five years. We argue all the time. Last week, I moved out again. Fred gave me an engagement ring for Christmas two years ago, and that same week he asked an old girlfriend to go on vacation with him and his children. Episodes like this have happened more than once since we have been together.
Fred is very friendly with any female he meets, and it drives me crazy. I go back to him because he swears he wants only me, yet we still argue about women, kids, money -- you name it. I know he will never change and wonder if I still love him.
Abby, do you think I should continue counseling, marry Fred, or leave him for good? -- 55 AND CONFUSED IN TULSA
DEAR 55 AND CONFUSED: Continue counseling until you figure out why you keep returning to a ladies man with whom you have so many serious issues. Once you have that figured out, the answer to your question will be obvious.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Mom Is Caught in Tug of War Between Daughter and Fiance
DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman with two teen-age daughters at home. Recently I became engaged to a wonderful man. My fiance lives in another city and has a better-paying job than I do, so I plan to move after we marry.
The problem is my 14-year-old daughter, "Ryan." She refuses to even discuss the possibility of moving. I understand the transition may be hard for her, but she is a minor and I am the custodial parent.
Ryan has informed me that she has talked to her father about moving in with him so as not to leave her friends and school. Her father is an alcoholic and to this day refuses to get help. The reason we split up was that he was physically abusive to me.
Abby, I cannot in good conscience leave my daughter with him, so my only choice is to wait until Ryan finishes high school to be married. This is putting a huge strain on my relationship with my fiance, but I don't know what else to do.
Any advice, Abby? -- DESPERATE TO KEEP EVERYONE HAPPY
DEAR DESPERATE: You are the adult -- the custodial parent. The time to move is now, before your daughter becomes socially established in high school.
Ryan owes it to you to move with you and her sister and try it for a year. If, after that, she hasn't adjusted -- then it will be time to discuss other living arrangements.
DEAR ABBY: I recently moved to a small town in Texas, in order to marry a man, "Kenny," who has lived here all his life. This will be his second marriage and my first.
The problem? Everywhere I go -- the beauty shop, the market, church, get-togethers with Kenny's friends, you name it -- someone always brings up his ex-wife.
When Kenny and I announced our engagement, one of the girls at a church potluck complimented me on my ring. Then a guy piped up, "Well, Kenny ought to be good at picking rings out by now!" Abby, it ruined the entire moment. This happens all the time.
Will I forever live in the shadow of my fiance's first wife? What can I do to change it? Please don't reveal my name or city -- everyone in town would know it was me. -- IRRITATED IN A SMALL TOWN
DEAR IRRITATED: You don't have to live in the shadow of anyone unless you choose to. However, what you are experiencing is not unusual when you have a "recycled" fiance.
Accept the fact that, in an attempt at humor, people sometimes say thoughtless things. It may take time, but eventually the local folk will stop associating your husband-to-be with his former spouse.
In the meantime, keep your sense of humor and remember that Kenny is yours -- and you have the ring to prove it.
DEAR ABBY: My husband died one month after my daughter was married five years ago. After he died, I gave his expensive watch and gold ring to my son-in-law, "Cyrus." Unfortunately, my daughter and Cyrus are now splitting up. He has asked for a divorce and is moving to another state.
Abby, I would like my husband's jewelry back. However, I have always heard that once a gift is given you cannot ask for it to be returned. The jewelry has sentimental value, and I want it in our family. Under the circumstances, is it wrong to ask Cyrus to give it back to me? -- DOUBLY-SAD MOM
DEAR DOUBLY-SAD: By all means ask your son-in-law to return the items because of their sentimental value. However, you are right, once a gift is given it belongs to the receiver. Sweeten the pot by offering to replace the jewelry.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)