To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Boy's Spying Eyes Force Skinny Dippers to Cover Up
DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I purchased our new home, we made sure the swimming pool was private and concealed from the houses on either side. We enjoy skinny-dipping and didn't want to offend our neighbors. We believed we'd made the right choice until the boy next door began climbing the fence to spy on us.
Unfortunately, his parents refuse to discipline him. They insist that we cover up. We have since found out the previous owners had the same problem, but failed to disclose this to us when we bought our home. We had made it clear to our Realtor that we wanted to be nude in our back yard -- and he assured us this was the "perfect" place for it.
Abby, we want to be able to enjoy our back yard -- either naked or fully clothed -- without being spied upon. The neighbors are threatening us with legal action because they think we are corrupting their son. Have you any advice? -- NO TAN LINE IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA
DEAR NO TAN LINE: You are overdue for a talk with your attorney. In California, the law requires full disclosure about "problems" when property is bought and sold, and you may have a valid complaint against the former owners of the house.
Also, the neighbor boy who is preoccupied with your sunbathing to the extent that he's climbing the fence to spy on you appears to be a budding Peeping Tom. Rather than allowing him to get an eyeful, his parents should be giving him an earful about people's right to privacy.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend at school I've been close to for about a year. I'll call her Amy. Recently, she has become cruel toward me -- making fun of my learning disability, hair, weight, etc.
My other friends and I sometimes joke around by teasing each other, but Amy takes things way too far. When she says hurtful things, there's a look in her eyes that says, "I want to damage you emotionally."
When I try to talk to Amy about it, she says, "Well, YOU started it," or "Why are you taking this so seriously -- you let the other girls tease you!" Abby, I want to keep Amy as a friend because when she's not being rude, she's pretty cool. Please help. -- TEEN GIRL IN TEXAS
DEAR TEEN GIRL: There is a difference between a teasing comment and one intended to wound. Teasing can be laughed off -- and is often a sign of intimacy or affection.
What Amy is doing is not witty, nor is it well-intended. Tell her that unless she knocks off the wisecracks, you'll avoid her. And if she doesn't stop -- follow through. You won't miss the pain.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letters you have printed about the "drunken geese." I may not know about drunken geese, but I know about drunken fish.
My Uncle John was a cook on a Mississippi River towboat, and one day he had planned to serve fried fish for lunch.
As the barges headed upstream on the Illinois River toward Peoria, the Hiram Walker distillery caught fire, and a great deal of whiskey suddenly flowed into the water around the boat.
Drunken fish flopped up onto the deck of the boat. The crew became so amused by their antics that when lunch rolled around, they refused to eat the fish that Uncle John had prepared! -- STONE SOBER
DEAR STONE SOBER: I can understand why. There's something redundant about frying fish that are already fried to the gills. Thanks for the fish story.
Adoptive Mom Salutes Birth Mom for Giving Up Her Child
DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago I decided to place my child for adoption. I was 19, unmarried, and did not have the means to support a baby.
Your Mother's Day column that year included a tribute to mothers who unselfishly placed their children for adoption. I cut it out and have carried it in my wallet ever since. I know other birth mothers would also find comfort from reading it. Would you consider printing it again? -- JULIANA IN BOISE, IDAHO
DEAR JULIANA: With pleasure.
DEAR ABBY: I hope you will use my letter on Mother's Day as a tribute to those brave, unselfish mothers who have placed their babies for adoption.
I am a new mother whose heart is overflowing with gratitude to a 15-year-old girl I have never seen. I understand that she is a beautiful, intelligent person who became pregnant accidentally and decided on her own that her baby should have a better life than she was able to provide, so she agreed to allow her baby to be adopted.
As soon as our son is able to understand, I shall tell him about his "real" mother and what a courageous person she is.
In the meantime, I pray daily for her well-being and good fortune. Sign me ... BLESSED
DEAR BLESSED: Thank you for an appropriate letter for Mother's Day. I agree that placing a child for adoption for his or her own good is the ultimate in unselfishness. God bless those mothers who do.
DEAR ABBY: My mother just finished reciting the same speech she gives every year as Mother's Day approaches. It begins, "Now please don't throw your money away on a gift for me ... I don't need a thing."
Abby, I know my mother doesn't "need" anything, but I enjoy giving her presents, and it takes the pleasure out of it for me when she displays this attitude. I wish you'd tell mothers that children of all ages enjoy giving gifts on Mother's Day, so please accept them graciously. -- SOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER
DEAR DAUGHTER: Your mother's attitude is typical of many other mothers. She would probably prefer that you use the money to buy something for yourself. However, that doesn't mean Mother's Day should not be celebrated with a gift.
This year, write your mother a letter telling her how much you love her and what life-lessons you have learned from her example. I'm sure if you do so, she will treasure it as long as she lives.
DEAR ABBY: What is the significance of wearing a single carnation on Mother's Day? -- FLOWER CHILD
DEAR CHILD: A red carnation is worn to signify that one's mother is living. A white carnation signifies that one's mother is deceased.
There should also be an identifying flower worn by those mothers who choose motherhood by raising a foster child, adopting a child or raising a stepchild.
And a special place in heaven awaits those mothers who chose a child with an "imperfection," knowing that children with physical or mental challenges not only have special needs, but also require a superabundance of love, understanding and patience.
TRAVELING WITH SPORTS TEAMS GIVES KIDS EXPANDED HORIZONS
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Kids' Friend in Oklahoma" cautioned parents about allowing their children to travel with junior sports teams. Obviously, he or she never had a child involved in travel sports.
My 12-year-old son has participated on a travel hockey team for the past six years, and our family has never regretted the decision to let him play. His team schedule involves traveling from one to three hours for nine games -- and staying "home" for the last one. In addition, there is occasionally an out-of-town tournament or two that requires overnight travel.
Abby, these travel games have given my family the very things that "Kids' Friend" suggested would be taken away. While traveling to and from the games, our family spends several hours in the car talking with each other (without interruptions from TVs and telephones), building relationships and memories. We shop for souvenirs or see the sights and have lunch together. We have traveled overnight to several different states -- even Canada. In addition, our children have expanded their friendships with youngsters from other schools, neighborhoods and churches.
Limits are important. In our household, each child is limited to two organized group activities a year, but cannot participate in the two during the same time period. In addition, grades must be maintained and religious education must be balanced with weekend activities. On overnight trips, we arrange with the schools ahead of time for our kids to be away and do their homework while traveling.
Allowing a child to participate in travel sports can be educational and rewarding -- not only for the child, but the entire family. It has nothing to do with having "the guts to say no," being "overeager" or "starry-eyed" -- and everything to do with being a responsible parent, setting limits, and teaching children how to budget their time and make the most of every opportunity. -- HOCKEY MOM IN JOHNSTOWN, PA.
DEAR HOCKEY MOM: Thanks for the other side of the issue. Obviously in your family no one has gone off the deep end and forgotten the importance of getting an education. In life, healthy balance is everything.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have friends who are being married in May. After sending out invitations in late February, they decided to inform each guest (either by phone or in person) that they would be charging $120 per person to attend.
We would like to go, but not if we're going to be charged admission in addition to a wedding gift.
Have you ever heard of such a thing, Abby? Is this tacky or what? -- NOT-FOR-PROFIT WEDDING GUEST IN CHICAGO
DEAR GUEST: Tacky? Very! At that price, their wedding will be the most expensive show in town. I wouldn't blame you if you had "an unavoidable change in plans." But let them know quickly so they can sell your seats to someone else.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)