DEAR ABBY: How can you make friends understand that they should wait for an invitation before coming to visit? They also need to stay in a motel when they do come. We have friends who invite themselves once a year to spend about five nights in our home.
I have a serious medical condition and have undergone several operations. I make subtle hints about being in pain and not needing company, yet they never seem to understand that I am talking about them. Even though they often take us out to dinner and pick up the tab, I am not up to having them stay with us.
I hate to lose their friendship, but I cannot take another one of their visits. If I tell them they cannot stay, they are going to be very offended. -- HURTING AND SOCIABLE IN FLORIDA
DEAR HURTING: The next time the visitors call to tell you they're coming, your husband should say: "Wonderful! We're looking forward to seeing you. Now give me your credit card number because I'm making motel reservations for you. My wife's doctor has said she's not up to entertaining houseguests this year, but you're such good friends I know you'll understand."
Their response will tell you both how strong that friendship is from their perspective. I hope they don't cancel their annual visit, but don't feel guilty if they do.