CONFIDENTIAL TO "BURNING DESIRE": "Six essential qualities that are the key to success: sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, charity." (Dr. William Menninger)
Star Shines on Silver Screen and in Old Soldier's Memory
DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed reading about all the random acts of kindness in your column. I recall one from many years ago.
I was a teen-aged recruit in the U.S. Army, stationed on a large rural sheep ranch near Pomona, Calif., prior to being sent overseas during World War II. We men slept in tents, ate from field kitchens, and washed, shaved and bathed out of our Army helmets.
I read in the local newspaper that the Hollywood Canteen was throwing a big party and dance for the servicemen. Since I had that weekend off, I dressed in full uniform, jumped into an Army supply truck and headed for Pomona. From there, I hitchhiked to Los Angeles and the Hollywood Canteen.
The party was a huge success. However, finding shelter for the evening was next to impossible at any price during the war years. After the gala event was over, I was dozing on a chair when I was awakened by a petite elderly lady who said she was the mother of the actor Cesar Romero, and if I hurried she would get me a place to sleep that night. An auto awaited, and with two other servicemen I was driven to Beverly Hills. A secretary greeted us at the residence and directed us up the huge spiral staircase and into one of the five bedrooms available.
Abby, we were in the home of the movie actor and art collector Edward G. Robinson! He had turned over his home to the USO while he was in New York.
I retired to a huge bed and had a good night's sleep. In the morning, a knock on my door informed me that breakfast was ready -- and what a breakfast it was!
I left a thank-you note in Mr. Robinson's study and soon was on my way back to camp.
Through the years I have watched Edward G. Robinson's classic films on television, and I will never forget the generosity of that great film star. -- REMINISCING IN RENO
DEAR REMINISCING: Old movie buffs will love your letter. To borrow a phrase from Bob Hope, another great star who did his share to entertain the servicemen during World War II and other wars and conflicts, "Thanks for the memories."
DEAR ABBY: I have been married four times. My second husband, "Mike," and I are close friends. I hurt him terribly when I left him for a younger man 16 years ago.
About a year after my fourth divorce, Mike contacted me and we met for lunch. We have been best friends ever since. He does not date -- and sometimes I think he is still in love with me. However, I cannot get past what happened between us even though it was all my fault.
Abby, do you think it is healthy to be so close to someone you were once married to? I don't see how we could ever reconcile, but I love spending time with Mike and would hate to lose our closeness. -- MARY IN ARIZONA
DEAR MARY: I see nothing wrong with having a friendship with a former spouse as long as no one is hurt in the process. As for a reconciliation -- never say "never." Stranger things have happened.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Muslim Girl Fears That Boys Will Never See Past Her Scarf
DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old Muslim girl who is a faithful reader of your column. It has helped me remember that I'm not the only one with problems. Here's mine:
It seems like no boy has ever liked me because I wear a scarf. The fact that no guy has ever liked me really hurts, even though it's against my religion to have boyfriends or go out on dates.
Guys never like me -- even as a friend. I know you're thinking that boys my age are sometimes afraid to approach girls, but it's not like that. This is bothering me something awful, Abby. Please help. -- SAD AND HURT IN FALL CHURCH, VA.
DEAR SAD AND HURT: Speak to your parents or your religious leader about your feelings. You're not the only girl who has ever felt this way. Sometimes it's hard to be different -- yet that's what makes all of us mature as individuals.
When the time comes, the right young man will be mature enough to see the person underneath the scarf. Trust me!
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Jenny," and I became engaged on New Year's Day. We've been together for four years, and both have children from previous marriages. Jenny has three daughters, and I have a son and a daughter. All five are grown and in college or settled down with careers and families of their own.
I immediately shared our engagement news with my side of the family. Everyone was excited and eager to know the wedding date. Trouble is, Jenny and I haven't yet picked a date, due to the fact that she hasn't told any of her family -- including her daughters.
Since they all live out of state, none of her family would have any idea about our engagement unless they're told. Jenny's reluctance to share our "happy news" makes me wonder what she has to hide. Your opinion would be appreciated, Abby. -- STILL SINGLE IN SEATTLE
DEAR SINGLE: She's hiding you, honey! If your fiancee hasn't notified her family by June, I urge you to rethink the engagement.
DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers, "Doug," brought one of his active children into my office. One kid jumped on my chair and broke it. It doesn't belong to the company -- it's my personal chair. I have a disability and need something more comfortable than my office chair. Doug tried to glue it back together, but unfortunately, it didn't hold.
I have hinted that I am going to have to replace my chair. Doug has not offered to pay for it. Although I know it was an accident, I'm upset about it. The replacement cost of the chair is $100, but I bought it two years ago, and would be willing to take $50.
How should I handle this without damaging my friendship with Doug? -- CHAIRLESS IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR CHAIRLESS: Buy a new chair and ask your co-worker to pay half the bill. Then purchase a sturdy lock for your office door -- and use it.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am responding to "Been There in Iowa," the divorced mother of two who convinced her ex-husband -- even if he did nothing else -- to call the children once a week to tell them he loved them.
My parents divorced when I was 3. My sisters and I lived with our mother. For a few years we enjoyed regular visits with our dad, but then visits became less frequent. During my teens, I was lucky to see him for a few hours every six months or so, and there were no letters or phone calls between visits.
The infrequent visits I had with my father were very hard for me emotionally. I felt he was only making token appearances -- being a father when it suited him or when his conscience bothered him. Sometimes I cried when he brought me home, never knowing if it was the last time he'd ever want to see me.
I felt disappointed, angry, deeply hurt and unloved. At 16 I could no longer take the emotional roller-coaster ride and decided he should either be a real father and a regular part of my life or stay out of it completely.
For seven years I neither saw nor spoke to him, but in those years I did a lot of growing up. It wasn't until recently that I realized I didn't hate him anymore. I was finally able to let go of the hurt and resentment and allow myself to forgive him.
I wrote my father a long letter, explaining that there were things I needed to say to him, pouring out all my feelings about the parent he had been and how it had affected my life. I made sure he knew I didn't hate him -- I still loved him -- and he didn't have to write back if he didn't want to.
Abby, he wrote me back! He said he'd been needing to hear everything I told him. He accepted the blame for his failings as a parent and apologized for hurting me. He is not the same man he was before, and he wanted the chance for us to get to know each other again. He said he loved me! His letter lifted a 10-ton weight from my shoulders. We now write frequently. -- THANKFUL IN TEXAS
DEAR THANKFUL: Your letter proves the truth of several important life lessons:
1. People can change.
2. It's important to speak the truth because often people need to hear it.
3. The burden of hurt and resentment is usually more destructive to the vessel that houses it than to the person who caused it.
DEAR ABBY: If a woman is married and divorced, then marries husband No. 2, but it doesn't work out, so she is divorced again, then realizes that husband No. 1 wasn't so bad, and they remarry -- should the couple count wedding anniversaries from where they left off? Or should they start over? Also, is it OK to be remarried on their original wedding date? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN PHOENIX
DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: While it may seem romantic to remarry on your original wedding day, I'd recommend against it. You can't make a divorce and a second marriage "disappear" by pretending they never happened. Your recommitment to each other is a fresh start, and as such, the anniversaries should also start anew.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)