To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Teacher Set Good Example for Continuing Education
DEAR ABBY: My "Aunt Woo Woo" was a high school teacher all her life. She retired at 62, and after her husband died, she returned to college to get a degree in special education.
She lived in a dorm, showed the young co-eds a thing or two (she was quite a rounder!), and then taught until she was 87.
Tell those who have a dream to go for it -- at any age. -- ROSE PITFORD, KEOKUK, IOWA
DEAR ROSE: I've been doing it for years, and readers have taken it to heart. I recently read about a gentleman in his 90s who had just graduated from college -- and he's not alone. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As a child, I wanted to be a teacher to follow in my grandmother's footsteps. I made my sister play school. I made the neighbor kids play school. Nobody was safe from my teaching.
I never went beyond high school, married young and had a family right away. On my 38th birthday, our home and all possessions were burned in a fire. My life changed forever. I became a firefighter. At the age of 42, I began taking college classes in fire science. With 60 hours of college credit, I became a substitute teacher on my days off from the fire department.
It took years to earn my associate's degree in fire science technology. I entered the University of South Florida -- still a professional firefighter. (I was the oldest female professional firefighter in the United States throughout my career.)
I retired from the fire service in 1998 and, at age 55, entered college full time. It took 2 1/2 years to complete my degree.
Abby, not for a moment do I regret all the life experiences I brought to the teaching profession. I know I can continue to contribute to the education of children for another 20 years if I choose.
Would I do this over again? In a heartbeat! -- E. DIANE LAPOINTE, BRADENTON, FLA.
DEAR DIANE: Your work ethic and ability to contribute are awesome. My hat's off to you. I'm sure your example will inspire others.
DEAR ABBY: After being frustrated about not being able to track down and properly thank some of the teachers who helped me get where I am today, I had an idea. Wouldn't it be wonderful if each teacher had an e-mail address assigned to him or her -- even after they retired? If teachers heard from their former students, they would better understand the impact they made on our lives. Perhaps some great former teachers would even return to their profession. -- GRATEFUL DOCTOR IN DALLAS
DEAR GRATEFUL DOCTOR: Your idea has merit. However, until that day arrives, a phone call, or better still a letter, can achieve the same goal.
DEAR ABBY: Do you have space for one more "birds and bees" story? When my son and his playmate were very little, some big boys horrified them by bluntly telling them the "facts of life." Left alone, the two little boys talked the matter over anxiously. They finally decided, with a great surge of relief, that the big boys had been lying through their teeth.
"Of course they were lying!" my son's little pal assured him triumphantly, "and I can prove it. You see, maybe my mother MIGHT, but I know for sure my daddy would NEVER!" -- M.S. from DALLAS
DEAR M.S.: Which proves you should never say "Never"!
COUPLE CAN'T TAKE VACATION WITHOUT GUILT TRIP FROM MOM
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have worked hard all our lives and raised three wonderful children. She's retired now, but still works part time at another job. I plan to retire in three years. We are at a point in our lives that we can take weekend trips and one or two vacations a year. It's our way of unwinding and enjoying each other.
The problem? My mother. Dad died a few years ago and Mom thinks everyone should think only of her. I am the oldest of three brothers and, trust me, Abby, all of us in the family do far more for her than most families would. That doesn't stop Mom from throwing hints around about feeling left out when my wife and I don't include her in our getaways.
Mom is on the go all the time, but to hear her tell it, she sits at home by herself day after day. When we call her, all she does is complain that no one ever calls or comes to see her. Nothing could be further from the truth. We have a schedule so that someone in the family calls her every morning and afternoon. Help! -- FRUSTRATED SON IN NASHVILLE
DEAR SON: Your mother may be shoveling the guilt your way, but why are you taking it to heart? Complaining may be her way of making conversation. Don't make excuses and don't take it personally. And if you want to include her occasionally, by all means do so.
DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful woman with an adorable, energetic 3-year-old daughter.
My concern is my wife's mother, "Julia." She's a fine mother/mother-in-law, and the greatest grandmother in the world, but she harbors an intense dislike for my wife's ex-husband, "Trevor." Every time Trevor's name is mentioned, Julia says something negative about him. She refuses to talk to him or be in his presence. If she happens to be at our home when Trevor comes to pick up his daughter for visitation, she'll leave the room and go to a back bedroom.
Everyone in the family has discussed this with Julia, including my wife's grandmother. However, every time we raise the subject, she becomes angry at us.
While my wife and her ex were not good as a couple, this man has been nothing but a loving, patient and supportive father. He shows up on time, almost never cancels, pays his child support in full -- and my stepdaughter is always excited to see him.
My concern is that my mother-in-law's anger toward Trevor will eventually confuse my stepdaughter. Although she is young now, there will come a time when she'll be old enough to know something is wrong. What can be done, Abby? -- JEFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR JEFF: Lay down the law to Julia. Tell her she must keep her feelings about the child's father to herself. There is no reason the child should be subjected to this. If Julia cannot comply, she should plan ahead to be elsewhere when visitation is scheduled.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman's Candor About Mental Condition Causes Men to Flee
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman who enjoys singing, crafts and working with children. I appear normal and I'm almost always pleasant. Why do I make that statement? Because I have a mental illness, and there is still a stigma. People sometimes feel uneasy when with me. While over the years the stigma has lessened, it still remains to some degree. I have been treated like a child, been the topic of gossip, lost friends in the church, and have been feared and ostracized because of my illness.
After a few dates with a man, I feel I must disclose that I have some emotional problems -- including bipolar disorder. My date invariably reacts like he's trapped in the car with a rabid animal. Abby, I am NOT crazy, dangerous or contagious! The men I date don't have to be afraid of me. However, when the truth comes out, my gentlemen friends run like scared rabbits. It's very hurtful. I want to be treated with understanding and respect, not punished for an illness I didn't ask for.
How nice it would be to have a male friend who doesn't back away because of misinformation about mental disorders. Please ask your readers to give people with mental illness time to prove they are not monsters, just people who, for the most part, lead normal lives and have needs, wishes and feelings like everyone else. -- HOPEFUL IN VIRGINIA
DEAR HOPEFUL: It is true that many people are still ignorant about mental illness, and therefore harbor stigmatizing attitudes about it. It's ironic because one of the most widely prescribed medications in this country is Prozac.
In your zeal to be up-front, it's possible that you are telling your male friends too soon about your bipolar disorder. It might be wiser to wait until they get to know you better before disclosing that fact -- at which time you can recommend they read one or two excellent books about bipolar that are available in paperback: "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Redfield Jamison and "A Brilliant Madness" by Patty Duke and Gloria Hochman. Both illustrate that, with treatment, a person with bipolar disorder can be productive and successful.
You are obviously intelligent and well-educated. You are in a unique position to educate others about mental illness -- and if you do so, it will go a long way toward helping you to feel stronger and more self-confident.
A therapist recently told me about a patient who got her church to start a committee on mental health. Then she asked the minister to feature mental illness at one of his sermons in his "day of caring" series, which featured topics like homelessness and migrant workers. Before the sermon, she stood up in front of the congregation and shared her own succesful treatment story. The therapist attended the services, too, and was available to answer questions between services. What a noble way to use the pulpit -- not only to educate the congregation, but also to advocate for enlightenment on a subject where not enough light has yet been reflected.
DEAR ABBY: I had to smile when I read the letter from "Stephanie in Delaware," about how an unexpected compliment in her ninth-grade math class made a difference in her life. It brought back a memory from my school days back in the '50s.
By far the best compliment I ever received, and one I'll remember the rest of my life, was from my ninth-grade music teacher. He reached out one day and took hold of my ear, wiggled it gently and said, "Don't ever lose that ear -- it's worth a million bucks!"
My teacher's name was Henry Brubeck (older brother of jazz great Dave Brubeck). -- DAVID S. OLSEN, LOMPOC, CALIF.
DEAR DAVID: He not only had an ear for music, he had perfect pitch with words.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)