Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Encounter Between Dog, Child Isn't Always Walk in the Park
DEAR ABBY: Many cities have set aside land for use as "dog parks." They are designed to be open places where dog owners can let their pets off leash to run free.
Last Saturday, a woman brought her 18-month-old son into the dog park. Several of us suggested to her that it wasn't a good idea to let her toddler wander free among 20-plus strange dogs. She said he had been knocked down several times by their own dog, and always got up and laughed and chased after the dog.
I am glad their family dog is child-friendly. My dog is not. Children's quick movements, high-pitched squeals and tendency to hit, poke and grab all scare my dog.
Abby, a dog park is designed to allow dogs the opportunity to run free and socialize with other dogs. What might happen in an encounter between a child and the wrong dog terrifies me. Please pass on this request to parents: If you bring your dog to the dog park, leave your babies at home -- or at least keep them close to you and away from the dogs. -- CHILD AND DOG LOVER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR C & D LOVER: Your letter may avert a tragedy. A wise parent will remember that not all dogs are friendly and will closely supervise a dog's encounter with a child until the parent is certain that both the child and the dog can be trusted.
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday for the first time in years, I stopped at a yard sale. As I approached, a man was examining a Colt model 1911 .45-caliber handgun. He waved it around, pointing it at everything in sight.
I asked the owner if the gun was unloaded. "Sure is," he said. "The clip is safely in my pocket." When it was my turn to look at the gun, I pulled the slide back and out popped a live round. I'll never forget the look of horror on the faces of the owner and the man who had been waving the gun.
I don't know what made me stop at that yard sale, but I feel if I hadn't, the gun would have eventually fired and perhaps someone would have been killed.
Abby, I have never felt outlawing guns is the answer. Education is. -- CLOSE CALL IN YUMA, ARIZ.
DEAR CLOSE CALL: I agree. That, and trigger locks and background checks.
CONFIDENTIAL TO BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE: You say you don't believe in divorce. The relationship you have described is not a marriage. One of the first signs of abuse is isolating the victim so that he or she has no one to turn to. Control -- withholding money or freedom -- is another warning sign of abuse.
It's understandable that you pray to die, but there is help. As soon as you can find a few minutes away from your abuser, you MUST call (800) 799-7233. It's the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The counselor can direct you in devising a safe escape plan for you and your children.
Let today be the day you flee toward a life worth living. Do it for yourself and for your children.
DEAR ABBY: I would like your opinion about a family situation: One of my sisters is marrying my other sister's ex-husband.
My younger sister, "Charlotte," and her husband, "Mel," were divorced because she was unfaithful. My other sister, "Kara," split from her husband because they cheated on each other. Charlotte has three boys and Kara has two girls.
Mel and Kara were both hurting, so they began to console each other. Well, one thing led to another. They have been living together for some time. This has devastated Charlotte. She and Kara used to be close. They no longer speak.
Kara has announced that she and Mel are being married in a formal wedding. Kara has asked our brother to walk her down the aisle, but he has reservations about the wisdom of her decision. He feels his sister has crossed the line.
The wedding is set for June. Charlotte refuses to allow her sons to take part in the ceremony. She plans to take them to Florida that week.
Abby, do you think it is wrong for Kara to marry Charlotte's ex-husband? -- BIG SISTER SUE
DEAR BIG SISTER SUE: What I think about the propriety of this forthcoming union is immaterial.
What I am having trouble understanding is why Mel, whose marriage to Charlotte ended because she cheated on him, would want to marry another woman who cheated on her husband.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old woman who is dating a 47-year-old man I'll call Roy. My problem is I don't know how to break it to him that I am no longer interested. It seems to me our relationship is based solely on sex.
Roy tells me all the time how much he loves me, but I think it's the sex he loves. From my perspective, we really don't have anything in common.
He is currently separated from his wife and has a 16-year-old daughter who doesn't know about me. Roy lives in another state, but we see each other often.
Last week he told me that when his divorce is final, he wants to marry me. I was OK with it until I did some serious thinking. Roy asked me if I had a problem with his age, and I said no -- although the fact that he's old enough to be my father does bother me.
I don't know what to do, Abby. If I break it off with him, he's not going to take it well -- I just know it. But if I let our relationship continue, I'll feel like I'm leading him on. He's talking about relocating to be with me. How should I handle this mess? -- TRAPPED IN NEW ORLEANS
DEAR TRAPPED: Don't feel guilty -- just be honest. His age DOES matter to you. Level with him before he further disrupts his life to be with you. He may not take it well, but it's better than his giving up a job and relocating, only to be disappointed later.
DEAR ABBY: I finally figured out why women live an average seven years longer than men. They don't have wives. -- DIVORCED IN DENVER
DEAR DIVORCED: Not so fast! It could also be because they don't have husbands.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Woman Reluctant to Lose Man Who Keeps Too Many Secrets
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Jay" for four months. When I met him, he gave me his cell phone number. He said he doesn't have a home phone.
He won't tell me where he lives because his "ex-woman" stalks him, is dangerous, and he doesn't want her to cause me any problems. He says she has access to his apartment. (The apartment is in her name.)
I care a lot for Jay and don't want to lose him. He has keys to my house and knows my home and work numbers. I've kept no secrets from him, but I suspect he is still involved in a relationship, and that's why he doesn't want me to know where he lives. Should I continue to trust Jay, or do you think he is deceiving me? -- FEELING HURT IN THE NORTHWEST
DEAR FEELING HURT: I think he's deceiving you. Everything you have written about him indicates he's still involved with someone else and probably living with her. My advice is to change your locks and home phone number, and if he calls you at work, be unavailable.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old female and have been repairing computers for two years. I thoroughly enjoy it. However, the field is dominated by men, and I have a problem.
My boss doesn't take me seriously. He will put a malfunctioning computer in front of me; I will test it and tell him what I think is wrong with it. Abby, he always disagrees with me.
When he puts the same computer in front of one of his male techs and they will tell him the same thing, he always agrees with them.
I think it's time he gave me credit where credit is due. Is there anything I can do to change my boss's behavior, or should I consider moving on? -- FRUSTRATED GEORGIA TECH
DEAR FRUSTRATED: You're not going to change a member of the old boys' club. Consider moving on, but not until you've found something equally good or better. Now that you have experience, I'm sure there are plenty of job opportunities for a tech with your diagnostic skills.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Gerald" for more than 50 years. He is a wonderful husband and a splendid father. He still showers me with affection: kisses me good morning and good night, calls me from the office at least once a day, is a great provider, never argues about money -- essentially I can do anything I want. In addition, Gerald is an attentive and highly competent lover.
Throughout the year, Gerald gives me presents -- flowers, candy, things for the house, etc. However, he never gives me presents for my birthday, our anniversary or Hanukkah. I receive only a card and a hug.
I don't like it, Abby. When I tell him how I feel, he just smiles, gives me a hug and a kiss, and says, "Honey, that's not my thing." Nothing I say or do convinces him to change. Any suggestions? -- PATRICIA IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR PATRICIA: If after 50 years of marriage this is his only fault, consider yourself a very lucky woman. Develop a sense of humor. Go shopping for holiday gifts for yourself. Show them to him and say, "This is from you. Thanks, Honey."
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)