CONFIDENTIAL TO BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE: You say you don't believe in divorce. The relationship you have described is not a marriage. One of the first signs of abuse is isolating the victim so that he or she has no one to turn to. Control -- withholding money or freedom -- is another warning sign of abuse.
It's understandable that you pray to die, but there is help. As soon as you can find a few minutes away from your abuser, you MUST call (800) 799-7233. It's the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The counselor can direct you in devising a safe escape plan for you and your children.
Let today be the day you flee toward a life worth living. Do it for yourself and for your children.