What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Story of Teen's Accident Still Exerts Powerful Pull
DEAR ABBY: A senior girl at my school was tragically killed in a car accident over Super Bowl weekend. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt and was thrown from the car. The car rolled on top of her and crushed her. Her boyfriend was with her. I heard that before she died, he took her hand and she told him she loved him. It just blew me away. My cousin was killed a year ago in much the same way.
My family has read your articles for years, but one touched us deeply. It was an essay about a teen who was killed in a car accident, and he was only 17. I am only 17 and so was the girl who died. Please print it again to remind us of the fact that we're only mortal and should cherish every waking day. -- BARRY W. IN KENNEWICK, WASH.
DEAR BARRY: That piece is titled, "Please God, I'm Only 17," and it's the most requested piece in the history of the column. Young people have written to me to confirm that it made them think twice about their driving habits and encouraged them to be careful. You are right; it should run at least once a year, so here it is:
PLEASE GOD, I'M ONLY 17
The day I died was an ordinary school day. How I wish I had taken the bus. But I was too cool for the bus. I remember how I wheedled the car out of Mom. "Special favor," I pleaded. "All the kids drive."
When the 2:50 bell rang, I threw all my books in the locker. I was free until 8:40 tomorrow morning! I ran to the parking lot, excited at the thought of driving a car and being my own boss. Free!
It doesn't matter how the accident happened. I was goofing off -- going too fast -- taking crazy chances. But I was enjoying my freedom and having fun. The last thing I remember was passing an old lady who seemed to be going awfully slow. I heard the deafening crash and felt a terrible jolt. Glass and steel flew everywhere. My whole body seemed to be turning inside out. I heard myself scream.
Suddenly I awakened; it was very quiet. A police officer was standing over me. Then I saw a doctor. My body was mangled. I was saturated with blood. Pieces of jagged glass were sticking out all over. Strange that I couldn't feel anything.
Hey, don't pull that sheet over my head! I can't be dead. I'm only 17. I've got a date tonight. I'm supposed to grow up and have a wonderful life. I haven't lived yet. I can't be dead!
Later I was placed in a drawer. My folks had to identify me. Why did they have to see me like this? Why did I have to look at Mom's eyes when she faced the most terrible ordeal of her life? Dad suddenly looked like an old man. He told the man in charge, "Yes, he is my son."
The funeral was a weird experience. I saw all my relatives and friends walk toward the casket. They passed by, one by one, and looked at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. Some of my buddies were crying. A few of the girls touched my hand and sobbed as they walked away.
Please -- somebody -- wake me up! Get me out of here! I can't bear to see my mom and dad so broken up. My grandparents are so racked with grief they can hardly walk. My brothers and sisters are like zombies. They move like robots. In a daze, everybody. No one can believe this. And I can't believe it, either.
Please don't bury me! I'm not dead! I have a lot of living to do! I want to laugh and run again. I want to sing and dance. Please don't put me in the ground. I promise if you give me one more chance, God, I'll be the most careful driver in the whole world. All I want is one more chance!
Please, God, I'm only 17!
TEACHING AS SECOND CAREER MAY HOLD HIDDEN PENALTIES
DEAR ABBY: I thoroughly agree with you and "Veteran School Secretary" regarding the critical importance of teachers in our country. It is vital to our future that we recruit and retain the best of the best for our children, and it doesn't matter if they come straight to teaching from a university or they pursue another career first. The point is to get them together with our kids.
There is one point that needs to be made, however, regarding those who come to teaching from other employment. In 14 states, those who begin to teach after earning Social Security retirement benefits will be penalized upon retirement. Their Social Security benefits will be reduced solely because they have paid into another retirement system, such as the California State Teachers' Retirement System. Paying into Social Security and to CalSTRS are both requirements of employment; therefore, to penalize a retiring teacher by reducing an earned benefit is grossly unfair. Moreover, the Social Security system does not warn educators of this penalty before retirement; educators retire expecting the amount predicted by Social Security, only to find it reduced by up to 60 percent.
Educators in Alaska, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Nevada, Louisiana, Georgia, Kentucky, Missouri, Illinois, Ohio, Massachusetts, Maine and Texas are affected by this inequity.
Our association and others throughout the country are working to change this unfair and discriminatory practice. Companion bills SB1523 and HR 2638 would correct this problem, and I would urge people to write to their representatives asking their support. Until there is change, those contemplating a second career in education should be made aware that they may be punished for their interest in the youth of America. -- SUSAN GOFF, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, CALIFORNIA RETIRED TEACHERS ASSOCIATION
DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for the warning. I, too, would urge concerned parents of school-age children to let their representatives know how they feel about this inequity. We need the best people teaching our children, and nothing should stand in their way.
DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was in elementary school. My father remarried seven years later. By then I was in high school. My stepmother and I were not close, but she was good to Dad and that was the most important thing.
My father passed away two years ago at the age of 76, after 26 years of marriage. Although my stepmother and I had limited contact in the months that followed, we don't anymore. I have even stopped sending her birthday and Mother's Day cards.
Can you enlighten me on the proper etiquette for sending her cards or letters on her special days? I should mention she has children of her own from a previous marriage. Please guide me in the right direction on this. -- OUT OF TOUCH IN CLEVELAND
DEAR OUT OF TOUCH: The sagest advice I can offer regarding sending cards or letters to your stepmother on her special days is this: Follow your heart. She made your father happy, and you are obviously aware of the special occasions. Send her good wishes and you'll never feel guilty.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DAD'S NEW BRIDE TOO EAGER TO JOIN WEDDING PROCESSION
DEAR ABBY: I am being married next month. Last night, my father announced to me that he had just married his much younger girlfriend, "Cassandra." Abby, she is even younger than I am. I am OK with the marriage as long as Dad is happy, even though I do not approve. But that is beside the point.
Cassandra is now adamant about walking down the aisle with my father during the parent processional at my wedding. I am extremely uncomfortable with this idea. She has never been a parent to me, nor do I believe she ever will be.
How can I deal with this tactfully and keep my wedding as I would like it? Help! -- BEWILDERED GROOM
DEAR BEWILDERED GROOM: You haven't mentioned your mother. If she is living, she should accompany your father during the parent processional.
Although I am sure Cassandra would like to be recognized for who and what she officially is on this family occasion, she should remember this is your wedding, not her coming-out party. The impression she creates will last as long as her marriage to your father. Please clip this and give it to her. Maybe seeing it in black-and-white will convince her to lighten up.
DEAR ABBY: Are there any rules or guidelines when an ex-spouse is hospitalized or dies? My ex-husband is in intensive care. If he dies, what is my expected role? We have successfully navigated through graduations, weddings and baptisms in a civil manner. I am extremely close to my former mother-in-law, grandmother to my children.
Abby, I want to do what is right for my children and his mother, but I'm not sure what that is. Any advice would be appreciated. -- DIVORCED IN INDIANA
DEAR DIVORCED IN INDIANA: Trust your common sense. If your ex has remarried, ask his wife and your former mother-in-law if your presence would be disruptive were you to pay your respects. If the answer is yes, keep your distance. If the answer is no, keep your presence low-key.
DEAR ABBY: Your column concerning the problem of dumping unwanted pets prompts me to share an incident that happened several years ago.
My brother lives five miles outside a small town in Texas, and one day after a big snowstorm, he needed to drive into town to get groceries and gas.
Just as he was about to leave, he noticed his neighbor's car pulling up to the curb on the opposite side of the street. When the neighbor drove off, a small dog stood in the snow. The neighbor had dumped his dog!
My brother hurriedly picked up the dog and drove to his neighbor's house. He then let the dog out and watched him scamper up the steps.
Lo and behold, the next week, the neighbor told my brother about dumping the dog -- and how the dog beat him home. He said, "If the little mutt loves me that much, I'm going to keep him!" -- BILL GRIFFIN, RICHARDSON, TEXAS
DEAR BILL: Pet dumping is no laughing matter. It often results in the death of an innocent animal. I am pleased your story had a positive outcome -- but a dog shouldn't have to turn into a homing pigeon with the aid of a Good Samaritan in order to prove how much it loves its owner.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)