To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Book Full of Favorites Brings Laughs to Convalescing Aunt
DEAR ABBY: Last week, my 87-year-old Great Aunt Grace was transferred from the hospital to a convalescent facility for therapy following surgery. Her children all live far away. Because she is so special, I told them I would visit her often and take care of her needs. Shortly after her transfer, I visited her and asked if there was anything she wanted me to bring from her home. She asked me to bring her a couple of family photos and a booklet that she kept in her nightstand. She explained that when she was blue, reading it cheered her up.
Abby, it was your "Keepers" booklet. When I took it to her, she asked me to read to her from the booklet, because her glasses had been broken in the fall that fractured her hip. We both got a much-needed laugh from "The Monkey's Disgrace." Some of the pieces about children moved me deeply.
I would like to have a booklet for myself. I couldn't find it at the bookstore. Where can I get it? -- OLLIE IN CARSON CITY, NEV.
DEAR OLLIE: Thank you for the kind words about my booklet. It can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 62054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
P.S. For those who are curious about "The Monkey's Disgrace," read on:
THE MONKEY'S DISGRACE
(Author Unknown)
Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
Discussing things as they are said to be
Said one to the others, "Now listen, you two,
"There's a rumor around that can't be true
"That man descended from our noble race
"The very idea is a great disgrace.
"No monkey has ever deserted his wife
"Starved her babies and ruined her life.
"And you've never known a mother monk
"To leave her babies with others to bunk
"Or pass from one on to another
"Till they scarcely know who is their mother.
"Here's another thing a monkey won't do
"Go out at night and get on a stew
"Or use a gun or club or knife
"To take some other monkey's life.
"Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss
"But, brother, he didn't descend from us."
DEAR ABBY: My husband I have been happily married for four years. Recently I made the mistake of telling him about my wild sexual past, and now he doesn't trust me! I was only trying to be honest. Is this fair, Abby? -- MISUNDERSTOOD WIFE IN NORWALK, CALIF.
DEAR WIFE: It's not fair, but bear with it until your insecure spouse calms down and wises up. He is now comparing himself to all of the men you have slept with. Your husband doesn't view himself as the beneficiary of your vast experience. How shortsighted of him.
Wives, Children and Debt Are Left Trailing in Man's Wake
DEAR ABBY: After reading "Used in Jonesboro, Tenn.," about the woman who married a man who had lied about his past, I feel compelled to share my story.
I, too, asked all the right questions. Here's what I later found out:
His first wife left him and got the child he didn't care about. The second wife, who gave him two children, got a thousand bucks and an old car when he decided it was time for wife No. 3. Wife No. 3 left when it was time for wife No. 4. He sold the house she had paid for from her previous husband's life insurance. Wife No. 4 got nothing except the joy of meeting wife No. 5. Wife No. 5 is now deep in credit card debt and will have to work a long time because her retirement money is missing. Wife No. 6 (me) lost not only retirement money, but a house and car that were paid for. It was his turn to make the car payment, and he let it be repossessed. (He did, however, "find" the money to make the payment on his pickup.)
There's a lot more misery I could share, but it would curl your hair. -- USED UP IN TEXAS
DEAR USED UP IN TEXAS: I believe you. If it's any comfort, you're not alone. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have a male relative who has been legally married and divorced 13 times. He is in his 50s, has three college degrees and is very charming.
I've met many of his wives. What amazes me is how gullible they are. They are lonely, Christian women who believe everything he says. What seems to trip them up is that he immediately offers marriage, and they see this as the ultimate commitment. Ha! When they do start asking questions, he leaves them saddled with huge debts and takes off. -- STUNNED OBSERVER
DEAR STUNNED: Why are you stunned? A common denominator with sociopaths is their abundance of charm. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Ten years after my divorce, I decided it was time to start dating again. I met a nice man. We dated steadily, sharing our life stories as we went. However, early on I caught an inconsistency in his marriage history, so I decided to check him out.
Marriage, divorce and property transactions are all public records, so a trip to my county courthouse was all I needed. I discovered he had been married not once, not twice, but at least five times.
I also learned that he did not own the home he claimed was his. There's no telling what other lies I would have uncovered had I kept looking. It gave me great satisfaction to tell this guy in no uncertain terms that he'd been "busted."
Later, I began dating another man. Once again, he and I shared our life stories, and I wasted no time in visiting the courthouse. The people who worked at the courthouse were most helpful. They directed me to the proper offices and helped me find the information I was looking for. Abby, every detail was exactly as he told me. Eventually we married, and we share a happy life.
At first he was offended that I had checked out his story. To this day, he teases me about it. But I'm proud that I went into our marriage with my eyes wide open, and I encourage everyone to do the same by taking advantage of public records. -- SMART IN CINCINNATI
DEAR SMART: Good for you! Public records can eliminate not only private pain but public embarrassment.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
WIFE WANTS SMALL SPARKLER TO CELEBRATE COUPLE'S 25TH
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in a few months. When he asks me what I want, how do I hint to him that I'd like a modest engagement ring without having to come right out with it? I have never had one, and I have never taken off my wedding band during our entire marriage. In fact, I have never worn another ring on my hands out of respect for my wedding band. I would like a small "sparkler" to go along with it, but I'm embarrassed to tell him. It seems almost greedy.
Although we probably should keep all our savings for retirement, we could be frivolous and spend several hundred dollars without breaking the bank. I have put jewelry ads where he can see them, but he doesn't notice them. -- SEEKING A SUBTLE SUGGESTION IN FLORIDA
DEAR SEEKING: Your husband isn't a mind reader, and if you expect him to pick up on a hint, you're taking a big gamble. When he asks what you want for your 25th anniversary, tell him the truth. Tell him you would like a tasteful, sparkling diamond ring to add to your wedding band -- to symbolize the jewel of a man you married so many happy years ago. It's the truth, and I hope it has the desired result.
DEAR ABBY: Back in 1993, I was in ninth grade attending high school in northern Delaware. I was a shy kid and somewhat depressed. I never had much to say, nor felt my opinions mattered.
One day in math class, the teacher called on me to answer a math problem. Out of the blue, a boy who sat several rows away said out loud, "You should talk more. You have a nice voice." I was in shock -- in a good way! Someone had given me a compliment!
It was, and still is, one of the nicest compliments I've ever received. It made me feel valued. I still smile whenever I think of it.
If that young man happens to read this, I thank him from the bottom of my heart. -- STEPHANIE IN DELAWARE
DEAR STEPHANIE: I'm pleased to pass along your message. A simple compliment can change a life. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My 99-year-old aunt gave me this poem. It was written by my grandmother, Cecile Harris, who was born in 1868. I call it "Grandma's Words of Wisdom."
For some kind word I do not say
A heart goes lonely on its way.
Those words of praise I do not speak
May make another's courage weak.
My friendly thought I do not share
May leave another in despair.
The words that burn, the hurt that sears
May live to haunt me through the years.
What loads I lift, what joy I spread
May live long after I am dead.
My grandma was a wonderful lady. I can recall no unkind comment she ever made. -- BONNIE THOMA, YUBA CITY, CALIF.
DEAR BONNIE: Your grandmother not only had a way with words, she was a wise woman.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)