For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
EFFORT TO FEED HUNGRY KIDS GETS BIG HOLLYWOOD BOOST
DEAR ABBY: Your readers who have expressed concern about hungry children in their communities expose one of our nation's worst secrets.
Despite our abundance, some 12 million American children are not getting the food they need because low-wage jobs don't permit their parents to pay the rent, pay medical bills and still buy enough food. My colleagues in the scientific community agree that the cost of child hunger is simply too steep to ignore. Even the mildest form of under-nutrition robs children of their natural abilities, sapping their capacity to think and diminishing the value of their classroom education.
Fortunately, we have some answers to this problem in the form of EXISTING federal child-nutrition programs -- school lunch, breakfast, summer food, and after-school snacks and meals. The federal government reimburses states and schools for the cost of the meals, and any school or qualified community agency can use these programs to ensure that no child goes hungry.
Abby, these programs have been proven to work. Research shows that kids who get fed are sick less, pay more attention in class, and even do better on standardized achievement tests. The problem is that many districts offer only lunch and not the other programs.
Please tell your readers they can help to end hunger by seeing that responsible adults in their communities fully use these programs to protect the youngsters who need them. -- DR. J. LARRY BROWN, BRANDEIS UNIVERSITY, BOSTON
DEAR DR. BROWN: Thank you for an important letter. Ending hunger seems overwhelming to many people. However, there are things we can all do to end this disgrace. I recently participated in a national child hunger symposium, led on a bipartisan basis by Sharon Davis, wife of California governor Gray Davis, and Columba Bush, wife of Florida governor Jeb Bush. A national initiative to address this issue is being led by actor/activist Jeff Bridges and the Entertainment Industry Foundation. It is designed to mobilize elected officials and educators in all 50 states to end childhood hunger, in part by ensuring that these available and effective programs reach the vulnerable children who need them. It offers a remedy for a problem that no longer needs to endanger millions of our youngest citizens.
Readers interested in expanding these programs in their communities should visit the Entertainment Industry Foundation Web site at www.hungerfreeamerica.org or write: Hunger Free America -- DA, 11132 Ventura Blvd., Suite 401, Studio City, CA 91604.
DEAR ABBY: I want to tell you about a little boy named Jakub. His family went to the Dominican Republic for a vacation. They could not believe the poverty they saw there. Jake's parents caught him trying to give away his shoes, but they were too small for the other child.
Jake returned home and told his Uncle Tony, who owns a construction company: "You have to go there with me and my parents and bring your men. We have to build houses for those kids."
Abby, Jakub is 4 years old. I love that kid. -- LEO R. LALONDE, EASTPOINTE, MICH.
DEAR LEO: From the mouths of babes. Jakub is not only a caring and generous child, but wise beyond his years.
Wife's Mother Is Accomplice in Husband's Desertion Scheme
DEAR ABBY: My husband of eight years went to work a couple of weeks ago and never came home. He put a card under a friend's door saying he wasn't coming back.
When I sorted through the belongings he had left behind, I found a "good luck" card from my mother to him and more than $1,000 worth of money order receipts. We had planned to move to Reno in April when we had enough money saved. However, according to some of the letters I found, my husband never intended to take me with him to Reno -- and my mother knew it.
I am extremely hurt and feel betrayed by this turn of events. Abby, should I confront my mother about this? -- BETRAYED IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR BETRAYED: Your feelings are valid -- you were betrayed by the two people you trusted the most. By all means confront your mother. You deserve some answers. Sadly, you married a cowardly scoundrel, and your mother appears to have aided and abetted him.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-something single woman whose best friend happens to be male. I'll call him David. David just became engaged and wants me to be part of the wedding party, so he asked his fiancee, "Tiffany," to include me as one of her bridesmaids. Tiffany has a close male friend whom she wants to be one of David's groomsmen.
I would prefer to stand next to David to show my support for his marriage. Perhaps Tiffany's male friend and I should switch places and stand beside our respective friends. If we do this, would I wear a dress like the bridesmaids, or would I wear a tuxedo like the groomsmen?
Please check with your wedding experts and clue me in, Abby. -- THE GROOM'S BEST BUD IN SAN ANTONIO
DEAR BEST BUD: Although a woman can serve as "best man," it's important to remember that David did not ask you to be his best man or a groomsman. He and his fiancee asked you to be a bridesmaid.
You would be wise to defer to the wishes of the bride and groom regarding your attire and where you will stand during the ceremony.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 14 and the kind of young lady every mother dreams of having. She is respectful, considerate, loving, behaves well, and is a good student.
My dilemma is whether or not I should pay her to do chores even if she doesn't do a good job. She has never been motivated by money, but asks for things all the time.
I've told her that if she would do a better job with her chores, I'd reward her with spending money. She's such a good kid, I feel as though she deserves to be rewarded, but I also want her to learn that she must do a good job if she wants to be paid. That's the way it will be when she's out in the world, so I'd like her to learn that lesson now. Any pointers would be appreciated, Abby. -- KIM FROM THE WINDY CITY
DEAR KIM: Stick to your guns. Children should learn the value of completing tasks properly. The old saying, "A job worth doing is worth doing well," holds true. It's a lesson that will benefit her for the rest of her life.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
The Hills Are Alive ... With the Sound of Creaking Bones
DEAR ABBY: The year 2002 is a palindrome. We had the last one in 1991, and the next one will be in 2112. Very few of us living today will experience that one.
My wife and I now reside in a retirement community. While we are seniors, none of us is ready to "graduate" quite yet. We have met many wonderful people here and made many new friends.
There have been rumors circulating that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP. Among her selections was a song from "The Sound of Music," "My Favorite Things." She altered the lyrics to fit in with the AARP theme. Here are the new words to that famous melody:
"Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
"Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
"Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
"These are a few of my favorite things.
"Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
"Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
"Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
"These are a few of my favorite things.
"When the pipes leak,
"When the bones creak,
"When the knees go bad,
"I simply remember my favorite things,
"And then I don't feel so bad.
"Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
"No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
"Bathrobes and heating pads, hot meals they bring,
"These are a few of my favorite things.
"Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
"Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
"More of the pleasures advancing age brings --
"When we remember our favorite things.
"When the joints ache, when the hips break,
"When the eyes grow dim,
"I simply remember the great life I've had,
"And then I don't feel ... so bad!"
-- DEAN BUNN, BROOKLYN CENTER, MINN.
DEAR DEAN: The rewritten lyrics are a hoot, but I doubt that Julie Andrews ever warbled them. Fortunately, today medical science has provided us with solutions to many of the physical problems that used to be associated with aging. We know so much more than we used to about the benefits of preventive medicine, and because of that knowledge, advancing age no longer guarantees infirmity.
DEAR ABBY: I am a newlywed. My husband, "Max," is kind, caring, attractive and compassionate. However, he does one thing that hurts my feelings.
When we make love, he wants me to shout out names of other women and describe their physical attributes. Max says he needs me to do this in order for him to make love to me.
I know Max loves me very much and sees no harm in doing this, but I find it humiliating. Any suggestions? -- NO NAME IN NEW YORK
DEAR NO NAME: Humiliating? I would think you would find it distracting. One of the first things a sex therapist would tell you is that people are responsible for their own sexual fulfillment. Have you tried shouting out, "Brad!" "George!" "Matt!" "Tom!" "Russell!" etc.? What's good for the gander might also be spice for the goose.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)