DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter about the college student whose grandmother blatantly favored her other grandchildren, yet expected him to do chores around her house. I loved the irony of the woman who responded. She said her mother was also treated badly, but the grandmother left her entire fortune to them. There's no cash inheritance in my life, but I wouldn't trade what I learned for any amount of money.
My mother was the child of a failed first marriage. I realized when my grandmother died that she had never told my mom or me that she loved us. At her funeral, I heard stories from my half-cousins of hugs, kisses, declarations of love, shopping trips, lunches and sleep-overs. In my entire life, she took me to lunch and shopping once. Period.
Through my mother's love and assurance, I realized the problem was my grandmother's, not mine. More important, I learned from my mother's example:
(1) Tell your family often that you love them.
(2) Forgive and forget; don't hold a grudge.
(3) Tell the truth with love and tact.
(4) Treat people with respect and kindness -- even when it isn't returned.
(5) Your grandmother can be a bitter, hateful woman, but you don't have to follow in her footsteps.
(6) Life isn't always fair, but it can be wonderful in spite of it.
Abby, I am grateful that I carefully watched my grandmother when I was growing up because I learned at a young age what I did NOT want to be. -- KAREN IN SALT LAKE CITY
DEAR KAREN: You are an intelligent woman who was able to take a bitter lesson and turn it into a growth experience. Most people are not so wise. I commend you for it.