CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Id Al-Adha.
Milk Cow's Preference for Men Udderly Perplexes Farm Wife
DEAR ABBY: I was going through my grandmother's Bible and found this old column of yours tucked between the pages. It is yellowed with age, but I laughed aloud when I read it. I had no idea that Grandma read your column. I thought you might like to print it again so others may enjoy it as I did. -– MIMI SEVERA, BLOOMINGDALE, ILL.
DEAR MIMI: I'm sure they will -– and that's no bull. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: We have a cow on our farm named Helen Mae and she hates women. Helen Mae is a beautiful Guernsey with soft brown eyes and a gentle manner, but she won't let a woman within 20 feet of her. She's very friendly to all men whether she's seen them before or not, but any woman who has tried to milk her has had to run for her life. You can't fool Helen Mae, either. She can tell women from men regardless of how they're dressed.
Is there any explanation for this? And if you can find out if there is some way to get Helen Mae to let a woman milk her, I'd appreciate it, as my husband can't always get to her at milking time. –- FARMER'S WIFE
DEAR WIFE: None of my farm experts have studied psy-cow-ology, but they tell me that cows have their hang-ups just like humans. However, I'll milk my readers and try to come up with an udder opinion.
DEAR ABBY: I could have been the teen-ager in the letter signed "Had It in Denver." He was the live-in grandfather who complained about his 15-year-old granddaughter's bratty behavior.
My grandmother moved in with my family when I was 15. She shared my room; we even slept in the same bed. It was no secret that I wasn't happy about it. I was jealous of the time Grandma spent with my mom and dad. I never yelled at my parents, but did a few things I was sorry about later.
That grandpa in Denver should talk with his granddaughter and find out her interests and concerns. (That's what my grandma did.) If Grandpa and the girl could find anything in common, maybe he could help her, rather than making things worse by complaining.
As far as Gramps' objection to "no rules, no discipline, no punishment, no guidelines" in their home, I ask, "Oh, really?" House rules may have changed big time in the last 50 years. Maybe Gramps' rules are stricter than her parents'.
Over time, my grandmother and I became good friends. I even interviewed her for my senior term paper on dating customs prior to World War I. It was a hit. (Now THOSE were the days of strict rules and regulations!)
In 1966, my beloved grandma died at the age of 75, three months after my first child was born. I shall forever treasure the close friendship we shared. –- DOROTHY SELLERS, BRAZORIA, TEXAS
DEAR DOROTHY: Your point is well taken. The generation gap can be difficult to bridge, but it's not impossible. Since Grandpa is the adult, the first attempt at peacemaking should be his. As your experience proves, it can be a bonding experience for all concerned.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I am the other woman you rarely hear from. I had an affair with a married man and married him after he divorced his wife.
Please warn your female readers that even when an affair leads to marriage, it isn't going to be what they expect.
My husband and I have been married nearly nine years. We have a beautiful daughter. She is the only good thing that has come out of this mess. My husband is selfish and cares only about his own needs. His ex-wife still won't speak to me (not that I want her to), and their son barely acknowledges my existence. All I feel is guilt over breaking up their marriage and remorse for the mess I made of my life.
So, Abby, if any of your readers are dating a married man -- give them this warning: Run for your life now! He may seem sweet and caring, but that is only because he likes the chase. Once he gets you hooked, you will be treated the same way he treats his present wife. If you complain, he will tell you that you "asked for it." After all, you knew he was married. -- SORRY FOR EVERYTHING IN TEXAS
DEAR SORRY: Oh, the lessons that people learn too late. I find it interesting that you describe only men as craving the thrill of the chase. Women, too, get caught up in the excitement and melodrama of seducing another woman's husband. As in your case, they usually wind up getting less than they hoped and more than they bargained for.
Read on for a letter that arrived the day after yours:
DEAR ABBY: This letter is for all the "other" women out there. I dated "Ray," who claimed his marriage was over. Ray did leave his wife, but he was dishonest with her. In fact, I have learned some pretty hard lessons lately.
A married man (or woman) who pursues a new relationship before putting closure on the previous one displays several character flaws: disloyalty, immaturity, dishonesty, and an inability to commit.
I was Ray's third wife. He left each of us under the same circumstances. When the going got tough, he bailed. Like most people, Ray had a pattern. He would meet a woman, start a relationship, then leave his wife. Yes, I won the grand prize, but what a mistake! I would have been better off if I hadn't. I have no doubt that Ray loved me very much. However, he lacks the skills to maintain a healthy relationship. No relationship can be healthy if it starts in a deceitful manner.
If people truly love each other, they should wait until closure is put on the first relationship. It will allow time for healing. One cannot commit fully to a new job until notice is given and the allotted time spent. The same holds true for a relationship. -- RAY'S THIRD WIFE
DEAR WIFE THREE: To quote a well-known advice columnist, "Oh, the lessons we learn too late." Yours was a painful one. But please don't place the blame entirely on Ray. After all, he had a co-conspirator -- you.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Pregnancy Is No Obstacle to Couple's Wedding Plans
DEAR ABBY: After a two-year courtship, my 33-year-old son and his 26-year-old girlfriend became engaged and moved in together last August. They announced an April wedding date and began planning a formal out-of-town wedding for 50 guests.
Two months into their engagement, my son's fiancee became pregnant. Her mother and I advised them to marry right away and celebrate their marriage with the planned out-of-town reception. Abby, they refuse to alter the plans, even though the invitations have not yet been sent.
Is it proper for a bride who is six months' pregnant to walk down the aisle in a white wedding gown? We two mothers are aghast, but are being told we're just plain old-fashioned. Please respond as soon as possible. Time is of the essence, and my future daughter-in-law is getting bigger by the day. -- EMBARRASSED MOM
DEAR EMBARRASSED: I understand your feelings, but things have changed a lot during the last 25 years. While the idea of an obviously pregnant bride walking down the aisle may shock someone raised during the 1950s, it is more accepted today.
A white gown and veil no longer symbolize virginity; they signify that it is a bride's first wedding. Count your blessings. Some couples wait so long to marry that their children are old enough to be ring bearers and flower girls.
DEAR ABBY: I don't know how to solve a problem between my husband, "Earl," and our teen-age son, "Matt." For medical reasons Matt is unable to participate in basketball this season. He confided in me that he's glad and may never go back to it. He said he played the last few years only to make his dad happy.
Earl cannot accept the fact that Matt is not participating. He has told Matt that he should go to the practices and watch, and sit with the team at the games. He objects whenever Matt wants to do something with his friends instead of going to the games.
I am sick of the conflict, but don't know how to stop it. Matt is a good kid. He's never been in any trouble, works part-time and is an excellent student.
At sporting events, Earl yells at the referees and in general acts like a jerk. He carries on and makes nasty comments about what the players should have done, etc. His behavior has embarrassed our son, but shushing him at the games only makes Earl madder.
Other than this, Earl is a good husband, a fine father and fairly laid-back. Sports just bring out the absolute worst in him. I feel tied up in knots and physically ill when we come home from a game.
Earl participated in sports for only a few years when he was in school, and he was far from "MVP" (most valuable player) material. I just can't understand this, but if it doesn't stop soon, it's going to ruin the father-son relationship Earl has with our son. Please help. -- FED-UP MOM, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.
DEAR FED UP: It doesn't take a degree in psychology to figure out what's wrong with your husband. A failed athlete with dreams of glory in his youth, he is attempting to live out those dreams through his son. I suspect Earl's overbearing behavior is at the root of Matt's not wanting to return to sports -- and who can blame him? His father has taken the joy out of competition. Perhaps with the help of family counseling, someone can get through to him, because the longer your husband's obsession with the boy's athletic achievements persists, the further away he'll drive his son.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)