Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

No Room in Widow's Heart for Men Who Need Lovin'

DEAR ABBY: Why is it that men can be so insensitive toward recent widows? Some of them hit on us within a month of the death of our loved one, while we're still in shock.

Who are these culprits? Co-workers whom I thought were good friends and my church council president, to name a few. Once, while I was having coffee in a restaurant with a friend, a male acquaintance stopped by our table and -- as calmly as ordering a hamburger -- told me his wife was in the hospital and he "needed some lovin'"!

Don't these clods have any idea how demeaning and vulgar their behavior is?

A longtime friend of mine just lost her husband. She didn't believe me when I told her about my experience. Abby, within a month, she had her own stories to tell! What's astonishing is that 90 percent of these men are married.

When my husband was alive, I had great respect for men. For that, I credit my husband, who was an honorable and loving family man. Now, however, I'm whistling a different tune. My beloved has been gone 10 years, and I'm much stronger than I was.

Please don't reveal my name or city; this is a small town, and the people I have mentioned would be recognized. Sign me ... NO MORE BLINDERS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR NO MORE BLINDERS: I'm sorry you won't allow me to reveal your name or location. The wives of these men would be very interested to know what their husbands are up to, and I'm sure it would result in some stimulating breakfast table conversation.