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by Abigail Van Buren

Teen Who Had Miscarriage Feels Depressed and Alone

DEAR ABBY: You help so many people. Please help me. I am a 14-year-old girl who has been through a lot this past year. Just a little over a month ago, I had a miscarriage. It was really sad, because I wanted my baby really bad. The father -- I'll call him Bob -- didn't want anything to do with it because he claimed it wasn't his. I was very hurt by his reaction because I was so happy about the baby.

After that, everything changed between me and Bob. He told the whole school I was a whore. When I told him about the loss of the baby, he was very happy, but now he hates me more than ever.

I am so depressed and alone. Some mornings I don't even want to wake up because the pain is so bad. Sometimes I just want to end my life. I can't go to my mother about this because I never told her about anything. If she found out that her baby girl was even thinking about having sex, she would kill me.

I have nowhere to turn. Abby, if you can help me, please do. -- ALL ALONE IN TUCSON, ARIZ.

DEAR ALL ALONE: I am sorry that your relationship with your mother is so poor that you experienced a pregnancy and miscarriage right under her nose and she never knew the difference. It is important that you be examined by a doctor to make sure you are all right, physically and emotionally.

A giant step in that direction would be for you to tell your mother what has been going on this past year. She needs to wake up to reality, and although she won't be pleased to hear how out of touch you have kept her, she won't "kill" you.

No one should have to go through what you have been through alone. You need more help than I can give you in a letter. An adult in whom you can confide will make the process much easier. If you cannot bring yourself to confide in your mother, I urge you to find someone you can trust -- a school nurse, a teacher, the mother of one of your friends. You have a lot of growing up to do before you become a mother with all the responsibility it entails -- and you need to slow down.