What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: For 100 years, Americans have shopped in our stores and faithfully contributed clothing and household items to Goodwill Industries. It all began back in 1902, when Edgar J. Helms, a young Methodist minister, took a burlap bag and called on Boston's wealthy citizens to donate whatever clothing they could spare. The Goodwill store was born when Helms hired people in need to repair and sell the donated goods.
Since then, Goodwill Industries has remained true to Helms' compassionate vision. It has evolved into one of the world's largest providers of employment services, helping nearly 6 million people earn a paycheck and support their families.
Last year, Goodwill Industries placed someone in a good job every two minutes of every business day. We train thousands of people in the United States, Canada and 22 other countries for jobs in fields such as financial services, computer programming, hospitality and health care.
As we pause to remember our many blessings this year, we want to say "Thank you" to the 500 million donors who have supported us since 1902, and to the millions more who have shopped at Goodwill stores. "Thank you" to the thousands of volunteers (including your mother, Pauline Phillips) who have given us their time and expertise. "Thank you" to the employees of Goodwill Industries, past and present, who have built an agency that serves 500,000 people each year.
Thank you one and all for believing in the "Power of Work," and for believing in Goodwill Industries. -- GEORGE W. KESSINGER, PRESIDENT, GOODWILL INDUSTRIES INTERNATIONAL
DEAR GEORGE: My mother said it very well back in 1969 when she joined your Board of Advisors: "Because I have boundless respect for those whose prime objective is to help themselves, I feel privileged to be on your team."
May you and all of the other wonderful people at Goodwill Industries International enjoy continued success in your endeavors -- and thank YOU for all you have done for others.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old guy who has been with my girlfriend for two years. We've always had a good thing going, but lately I've been feeling the pressure of living with her. Now we're on the brink of a breakup that is mostly my fault.
The problem is I like to go out and have a good time with the guys, and she's not exactly keen on the idea. What can I do to save our relationship, other than quit hanging out with my friends? Thanks, Abby. -- TORN BETWEEN MY GIRL AND THE GUYS
DEAR TORN: Negotiate. Compromise. One way to accomplish this is to agree on a "girls' night out" and a "boys' night out" -- preferably the same night. Give it a try. You'll both be better off for it.
DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy a joke that I conceived and sent to Reader's Digest.
Question: What do they call Mother Teresa now that she is enjoying her heavenly reward?
Answer: Nun of the above.
Apparently Reader's Digest deemed the joke to be religiously incorrect. They did not reply. -- WARD C. McCURTAIN, BEAUMONT, TEXAS
DEAR WARD: Your joke is cute -- so I'm sharing it with my readers. It was heaven-sent.
BRIDE NEEDS FIANCE'S SUPPORT TO STAND UP TO FATHER-IN-LAW
DEAR Abby: I just read the letter from "Don't Want to Be His Daughter-in-Law" and had to respond.
My husband is a wonderful, kind, caring, responsible man. However his father is crude, rude, and has made sexual advances to me.
From my personal experience, you CAN have a good, strong marriage, even if your father-in-law is horrid. Our solution was to invite our friends to our wedding and ignore my future father-in-law's guest list, serve no alcohol at the reception, treat him kindly without letting him walk all over us, and after the wedding -- we moved! We now live two hours away. Most important, her fiance must stand up for her, back her up, and not be cowed by his father. -- HAPPY WIFE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HAPPY WIFE: Thank you for some excellent suggestions. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That bride-to-be and her fiance should get premarital counseling to work out how to cope with his family. He may also have some problems down the road being a good husband and father, since he did not have a good role model. Counseling and some good self-help books about being the child of an alcoholic will also help. Also, they should attend Al-Anon meetings and learn how to say no to the alcoholic when it comes to their lives.
And last but not least, I recommend she stop calling them "drunks." They are "alcoholics" suffering from a terrible disease that often has its roots in genetics. -- KATHARINE IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.
DEAR KATHARINE: I won't quarrel with you on that one. And your idea of premarital counseling is a good one. Another helpful resource might be ACA -- Adult Children of Alcoholics. (It is also in the phone book.)
DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and will be married next September. Usually the father of the bride walks her down the aisle, but I want my father's brother to be the one to do the honors.
When I mentioned it to my father's wife, she told me he'd be very upset if I asked my uncle and not him. However, there's a reason why I want to ask my uncle. Many years ago, he lost his wife and two little girls in a tragic accident. I feel that asking him to walk me down the aisle would make him feel that although his daughters are gone, he can still have that moment every father dreams of when he brings a daughter into this world.
I view it this way: My father still has his daughter to see and talk to whenever he wants; my uncle doesn't. What do you think of my idea? I have many months to plan this, and I want my father's help as well. -- UNDECIDED IN VERMONT
DEAR UNDECIDED: You have a heart of gold and are well-intentioned. However, as much as you might wish to, you cannot change history. Your father should walk you down the aisle. If you want your uncle to be a part of your wedding, please consider another role for him. Perhaps he could be part of the wedding party, or do a reading during the service. That way there will be no ill feelings on the part of anyone on this happy occasion.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Have a Merry Christmas, but please keep in mind: If you're drinking, don't drive; if you're driving, don't drink.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
AIRPORT LINES MOVE FASTER ONCE YOU FOLLOW THE RULES
DEAR ABBY: I am a newly hired airport security screener with the Transportation Security Administration. Since many of your readers will travel by air this holiday season, I would like to encourage all of them to visit the TSA's Web site at: www.TSA.gov. This site provides a complete list of what passengers are NOT allowed to take on board in their carry-on luggage. It is important to know that many items that cannot be brought into the cabin ARE allowed in the cargo hold.
One of my favorite travel tips comes from frequent fliers. They have stopped using traditional shaving kits and cosmetic bags and instead put their toiletries in clear, resealable freezer bags. When searching a suitcase, the transparent baggies allow me to easily determine if someone has any prohibited items -- and it means I don't have to handle the traveler's possessions. One woman even packed her nylons and underwear in plastic bags. It enabled me to adequately "crush and feel" for security purposes without having to paw through her undergarments.
Thanks for getting the word out, Abby. Airline passengers can save themselves (and us) a lot of time by "packing smart." -- MARGARET MEYERS, MERION STATION, PA.
DEAR MARGARET: Excellent advice. The quicker and more efficiently travelers can pass through airport security, the safer we'll all be.
DEAR ABBY: Last December you ran a letter in your column from "Feeling Like the Grinch." The writer complained about an elderly neighbor coming over on Christmas morning as gifts were being opened. Let me tell you what happened to us.
When the first grandchild in our family was about 3, my brother reluctantly informed my husband and me that he and his wife wanted to keep Christmas morning "private," and we should discontinue the family tradition of being together at their home for Santa Claus, etc.
At the crack of dawn on Christmas morning, we received an S.O.S. phone call asking us to please forgive them and to get over there FAST! They said when their little boy woke up and walked into the living room, he plopped himself down on the sofa, crying, "Some Christmas -- nobody's HERE!"
Abby, from a child's perspective, sharing can be the whole enchilada. -- DOTING AUNT IN GEORGIA
DEAR DOTING AUNT: From the mouths of babes ... The spirit of Christmas is all about sharing. How nice that someone in that family understood it before it was too late.
DEAR ABBY: My father passed away recently. A few years back, my daughter gave both her grandparents a personal planning guide to record their individual wishes in making final arrangements. Dad listed exactly how he wanted to be dressed (including wearing his glasses), the hymns he would like sung, the people he had chosen as his pallbearers and the designated stipend for each. He also stated where he kept the deed to the cemetery lots, as well as other important documents we needed after his death.
Abby, it was a blessing to be able to give my father exactly what he wanted. I hope every person reading this will follow suit. It is by far the wisest way one can best serve his or her loved ones. -- CAROLYN SALVITTI, AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR CAROLYN: Your letter carries an important reminder. The only way to be sure your end-of-life wishes are carried out is to spell them out, orally and in writing. Your father was a wise man.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)