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Letter to Virginia Sustains Timeless Spirit of Santa
DEAR ABBY: Before we know it, Christmas will be upon us, and my oldest child will again be asking me if there really is a Santa Claus. With all the traumatic events happening in our world today, I do not want to take anything away from him -- and yet I realize he needs to know the truth.
A few years ago, there was a beautiful letter in your column from a mother who had a wonderful way of telling her child the truth about Santa without causing any damage or making the child feel let down. I am truly at a loss as to how to tell my little one the truth in a loving manner. Thank you, Abby. -- MOM IN CRYSTAL LAKE, ILL.
DEAR MOM: The piece, "Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus," is a classic. It was written in 1897 by Francis P. Church, the editor of the now-defunct New York Sun. He wrote it in response to this letter:
"Dear Editor: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, 'If you see it in the Sun, it's so.' Please tell me the truth. Is there a Santa Claus?" -- Virginia O'Hanlon
"Dear Virginia: Your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little.
"In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias.
"There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
"Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus.
"The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in this world.
"You tear apart the baby's rattle to see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart.
"Only faith, poetry, love, romance can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
"No Santa Claus? Thank God he lives, and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood."
DEAR ABBY: I work with a pleasant woman, "Kim," who appears to be distracted by my figure. Kim keeps making comments and staring at my large breasts. It makes me very uncomfortable. I've tried to ignore her and have told her that her comments bother me.
Kim has now started trying to see me outside the office, asking me out for lunches and dinners. I've always made an excuse. Last Friday when I was assigned the responsibility of picking out a gift basket for a co-worker who is retiring, Kim volunteered to go shopping with me over the weekend. I simply never called her, and on Monday explained that my weekend was busy. She acted very hurt, but I couldn't think of a more diplomatic way to handle it.
Spending time with someone who cannot stop staring at my chest does not appeal to me. It gives me the creeps. How can I tell Kim she's making me uneasy without causing problems? I have to work with her. -- BUSTY IN TOLEDO
DEAR BUSTY: Tell her once again that her staring and comments are not appreciated -- and if it doesn't stop, you will have to tell your boss or Human Resources about the problem. There is no reason why you should have to tolerate it, or see anyone outside the workplace unless you wish to.
DEAR ABBY: A friend (I'll call her Tanisha) asked me to be matron of honor at her wedding. The event was supposed to take place next month. Even though the thought of flying to a wedding in the middle of winter was not appealing, I did agree to it.
Due to personal circumstances, Tanisha pushed back the date of her wedding to next June. When she notified me, I told her I could not commit to being there. I am expecting a baby in April and don't want to travel so far with an infant. Tanisha has also changed the location of her wedding, so flying is no longer the best option, and the only way to get there is a two-day drive.
She said she understood, but still talks about the wedding as if I'm an integral part of it. For example, she recently informed me she'll be sending me swatches so that I can buy my dress. How do I explain to Tanisha that I cannot be in her wedding? She is a somewhat volatile person, and I'm afraid she'll be very upset and hurt. -- STUCK IN ST. LOUIS, MO.
DEAR STUCK: Your reasons for bowing out make good sense to me, and beating around the bush because you're afraid she'll throw a tantrum is not the best course of action. Tell Tanisha immediately, in plain English, that because you will be caring for an infant, you will be unable to be matron of honor. That way, she will be able to find a replacement ASAP.
DEAR ABBY: I'm almost 32 years old. My life is going nowhere, with two divorces and no kids; the only education I have is a G.E.D.
I'm back on my own again, and I feel like a failure. I've wasted so much time. I have no career to sustain me. By nature, I'm a jack-of-all-trades, but I struggle to master only one. I have little or no family support. I feel that life is getting harder for me to deal with.
Is it time for me to seek therapy? -- JACK
DEAR JACK: I believe you already know the answer to that question. I commend you for making such an insightful assessment of your situation. It's the first step toward a positive change. Now ... make that phone call!
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DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Disillusioned American," who interceded when he saw a man in his 60s chastise a young couple for speaking a foreign language outside a Kmart. You called it an example of xenophobia.
I do not share either the opinion of "Disillusioned" or you regarding people who refuse to learn English or at least speak it in public. There are two Spanish-language TV networks in this country. Tell me another country that allows foreign language channels to operate, contributing to the fragmentation of that country. -- LAWRENCE IN AVON PARK, FLA.
DEAR LAWRENCE: Cable Network News (CNN) is an English-language network that is broadcast in more than 210 countries and territories in English. (In fact, someone recently told me she had seen me on "Larry King Live" while she was in Beijing -- obviously not a nation that uses English as its primary language.)
DEAR ABBY: I am proud of being not only American, but a Chinese American. I was raised bilingually and biculturally. Other than my Asian features, most people would be hard-pressed to find anything "un-American" about me.
However, occasional racist remarks are still thrown at me for no other reason than my appearance. Fortunately, that type of bigotry is fading, but comments and actions like that man experienced at Kmart are common and should be stopped. White Americans should be sensitive about any treatment of nonwhite Americans as different.
For example, I am frequently asked where I am from. When I answer "Pittsburgh" (where I was born and raised), the response I often get is, "No, where are you REALLY from?" as if I couldn't be from America. I know people are curious about my heritage, but Caucasians (even ones with accents) are not treated thus, so why are those of us with Asian features, but nonaccented English, treated this way? -- PROUD CHINESE AMERICAN
DEAR PROUD CHINESE AMERICAN: Don't be so quick to assume that Caucasians with accents are not also asked where they are from. In this country, anyone with an accent is considered "exotic" -- and as such, inspires curiosity. When people are curious, they ask questions. I know I'm right, because I have been guilty of it.
DEAR ABBY: I came to this country 20 years ago and attended college in the Midwest. I have also been accosted by such "patriots" on campus, in restaurants, and wherever I happened to be having a conversation in my language. My appearance does not give people any clue that I am not a "red-blooded American." I speak perfect, unaccented English, in addition to other languages, and I know there are many people like me.
Because I choose to speak another language does not mean I don't know English. I find it fascinating that Americans, when in other countries, expect people to accommodate their language needs, but do not afford the same courtesy to people who come to this country. -- THERESA B., HOUSTON
DEAR THERESA: Interesting point. And it's a good reason why American students should learn at least one foreign language. Our world is shrinking, and it doesn't revolve around us.
DEAR ABBY: If that gentleman wants to be politically correct, perhaps he should be speaking an American Indian dialect, since the Indians were here first and the Pilgrim fathers changed the language. (Only joking!) -- SALLY IN WILLOW GROVE, PA.
DEAR SALLY: Mini-ha-ha!
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