DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Rhonda," hosts several "soft porn" Web sites, and it upsets me greatly. She's 24 and a very bright, sweet and loving person, which is why it's so difficult for me to understand why she does this.
Rhonda earned more than $100,000 last year and has a sizable savings account, but her small business is pornography! We don't discuss her occupation, and no one but myself and my ex-husband know she's involved in this kind of thing. As far as everyone else is concerned, she "designs Web sites."
Rhonda wants me to be proud of her accomplishments, but I'm not. I love my daughter very much and keep hoping she'll grow out of this; however, I'm not sure she will. I hate lying to everyone about what she does, but I would never want anyone to know.
How do I come to terms with this -- or can I? -- HER LOVING MOTHER
DEAR LOVING MOTHER: You and your daughter have very different moral values. While it's against your principles, what she's doing is legal. She's built a successful business and wants you to respect what she has accomplished.
That said, I doubt you will ever see eye-to-eye on this issue. Love her as your daughter, try to accept that this is a choice she has made, and focus on her positive qualities: She's bright, sweet and loving -- not to mention a whiz at business. At this point, I doubt you can change her.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, "Brian," has asked me to marry him. We are very much in love. We're in our early 20s and still live with our parents. The only problem I have is with Brian's dad, "John."
My parents would cringe if they met Brian's dad, and they would never approve of my marriage. John is rude, cheap, arrogant, ignorant and a drunk. He refuses to listen to the opinions of others and is oblivious to anyone's needs but his own. He also cracks crude sexual jokes at inappropriate times.
John has informed Brian and me that he will be inviting his friends to the wedding and gave us a list -- all the town drunks.
Abby, I do not want this man ruining my wedding. I don't even want him there. I don't want my family to meet him -- ever. I'm afraid they'd judge my future husband unfairly because his father is such a jerk. Is there a polite way of telling him he's not invited? -- DON'T WANT TO BE HIS D-I-L IN ILLINOIS
DEAR D.W.T.B.H.D-I-L: Not really. And whether you can avoid him for your entire married life depends on how your fiance feels about his father.
If you're serious about marrying Brian, I urge you to prepare your family in advance for what's coming. The safest course of action would be to have them meet before the wedding. You and your future husband should not be judged by the actions of his father.
CONFIDENTIAL TO DESPERATE IN SAN DIEGO: Please go to a teacher or school nurse and tell him or her what you have written to me. I agree, you need a second opinion. Your life could depend upon it.
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