To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
SOURCE OF DAUGHTER'S BUSINESS SUCCESS EMBARRASSES HER MOM
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Rhonda," hosts several "soft porn" Web sites, and it upsets me greatly. She's 24 and a very bright, sweet and loving person, which is why it's so difficult for me to understand why she does this.
Rhonda earned more than $100,000 last year and has a sizable savings account, but her small business is pornography! We don't discuss her occupation, and no one but myself and my ex-husband know she's involved in this kind of thing. As far as everyone else is concerned, she "designs Web sites."
Rhonda wants me to be proud of her accomplishments, but I'm not. I love my daughter very much and keep hoping she'll grow out of this; however, I'm not sure she will. I hate lying to everyone about what she does, but I would never want anyone to know.
How do I come to terms with this -- or can I? -- HER LOVING MOTHER
DEAR LOVING MOTHER: You and your daughter have very different moral values. While it's against your principles, what she's doing is legal. She's built a successful business and wants you to respect what she has accomplished.
That said, I doubt you will ever see eye-to-eye on this issue. Love her as your daughter, try to accept that this is a choice she has made, and focus on her positive qualities: She's bright, sweet and loving -- not to mention a whiz at business. At this point, I doubt you can change her.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, "Brian," has asked me to marry him. We are very much in love. We're in our early 20s and still live with our parents. The only problem I have is with Brian's dad, "John."
My parents would cringe if they met Brian's dad, and they would never approve of my marriage. John is rude, cheap, arrogant, ignorant and a drunk. He refuses to listen to the opinions of others and is oblivious to anyone's needs but his own. He also cracks crude sexual jokes at inappropriate times.
John has informed Brian and me that he will be inviting his friends to the wedding and gave us a list -- all the town drunks.
Abby, I do not want this man ruining my wedding. I don't even want him there. I don't want my family to meet him -- ever. I'm afraid they'd judge my future husband unfairly because his father is such a jerk. Is there a polite way of telling him he's not invited? -- DON'T WANT TO BE HIS D-I-L IN ILLINOIS
DEAR D.W.T.B.H.D-I-L: Not really. And whether you can avoid him for your entire married life depends on how your fiance feels about his father.
If you're serious about marrying Brian, I urge you to prepare your family in advance for what's coming. The safest course of action would be to have them meet before the wedding. You and your future husband should not be judged by the actions of his father.
CONFIDENTIAL TO DESPERATE IN SAN DIEGO: Please go to a teacher or school nurse and tell him or her what you have written to me. I agree, you need a second opinion. Your life could depend upon it.
Disabled Bride to Be Should Relax and Enjoy Her Friends
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the bride-to-be who had spina bifida, asking how to get down the aisle gracefully at her wedding without using her walker, I would like to share the following:
I, too, was born with spina bifida, and I, too, suffer from spasms, among other conditions unique to this condition. When my wife and I were married, we had our ceremony with her seated in a chair beside my wheelchair. It went off without a hitch.
Those who attend weddings are usually family and friends. So my advice to that lucky lady is to relax and just be herself -- spasms, walker and all. Everyone expects no less -- or more -- than that. Sign me ... TEXAS FOUR-WHEELER
DEAR TEX: Your advice is terrific, and I hope that the nervous bride-to-be will relax and give it serious consideration. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: A young woman with a physical disability wrote you concerning her worries that she would not be able to walk down the aisle on her wedding day. I recently attended a wedding where the bride had similar concerns. She managed the day in an electric scooter decked with flowers and garlands that matched her lovely dress. Perhaps her solution could be applied here. -- MATT IN ROME, N.Y.
DEAR MATT: I don't see why not -- all it would take is a florist with artistry and ingenuity.
DEAR ABBY: May I suggest another way for "Worried Bride-to-Be" to look at her "disability"?
In the early 1900s, the New York Giants baseball team had a pitcher named Luther H. Taylor. He was a deaf mute who was, in an era of insensitivity, nicknamed "Dummy." Taylor lost a lot of games due to his inability to communicate with his teammates.
John McGraw, the manager of the Giants, was under enormous pressure from the team's owner, the fans and the sportswriters to trade Taylor. Instead, McGraw required the entire Giant team to learn American Sign Language. Once that was accomplished, McGraw used hand signals to lead his team. That's the origin of the hand signals that are used in baseball today.
Rather than be embarrassed about her disability, "Worried" should find a way to use her special abilities. -- STEPHEN REDMOND, M.D., MORGAN HILL, CALIF.
DEAR DR. REDMOND: Thank you for not only a fascinating tidbit of information, but also a healthy helping of food for thought. I love the way you look at life's challenges.
DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law (28) and his fiancee (19) make it a practice during family meals to engage in whispered conversation that involves only the two of them. In addition, they spend parts of the meals passionately deep-kissing and rubbing noses.
Am I wrong to feel this behavior is rude, immature and inappropriate? -- LOSING MY APPETITE IN LA PORTE, IND.
DEAR LOSING MY APPETITE: Not at all. In polite company, whispered conversations that exclude others are considered rude. And tongue should not be eaten at the table unless it has first been thoroughly cooked and properly seasoned.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WOMAN'S PLAY-BY-PLAY ACCOUNT AT WORK DRIVES CO-WORKER NUTS
DEAR ABBY: I work in an office that's made up of cubicles, so there is little privacy. After two years at this job, I have, for the most part, learned to block out background noise. However, my co-worker "Gina," who sits in the cubicle next to mine, talks to herself constantly.
This woman provides me with a running diatribe of every single task she does all day long: "Hit enter, file-save -- OK, done!" "Open new file," "Delete," etc. Her monologue goes on and on. It's extremely distracting and annoying. I have talked to my bosses more than once about it, and they've talked to Gina, but still she continues.
I feel like I'm slowly going insane. And now that I'm pregnant, my nerves are even more on edge. Her constant verbalizing has become too much to bear. What's the answer, Abby? -- GOING NUTS AT WORK IN REDDING, CALIF.
DEAR GOING NUTS: Your co-worker may not even be aware that she's talking aloud when she does it. If it's possible, move to another cubicle. If it's not, then, in the interest of your mental health, invest in a pair of earphones that can mask her monologue with "white noise" or music -- anything to block out her muttering. Pregnancy is difficult enough without stress.
DEAR ABBY: Millions of Americans are infected by an insidious virus: hepatitis C. More than 100 new cases occur each day. Most people have no signs or symptoms when this virus attacks the liver -- their internal power plant -- and it can be seriously damaged without any warning.
It is critical that anyone who has experimented with injecting drugs (even just once), snorted cocaine, had a tattoo or body piercing, or shared a razor or toothbrush at any time, to ask their doctors for the simple blood test that detects hepatitis C. The test is not routinely done during a physical exam.
Consuming alcohol is a major problem for anyone who is hepatitis C-infected. Alcohol speeds the damage to the liver. This is why it is vital that hepatitis C be identified -- so further damage to the liver can be avoided and treatment options can be discussed.
This silent disease can be stopped. The first step is to find out if you are infected and to avoid infecting others. Hepatitis C is spread through blood-to-blood contact, and while not easily spread through sex, it is possible.
We will send free information about hepatitis C to your readers if they send a self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope to the Hepatitis Foundation International, P.O. Box 4600, Silver Spring, MD 20904. The Web site is: www.HepatitisFoundation.org.
Abby, thank you for helping your readers learn the facts and how to take control of their health. With your assistance, many lives can be saved. -- THELMA KING THIEL, CEO, HEPATITIS FOUNDATION INTERNATIONAL
DEAR THELMA: According to the information I have read, 4,000 deaths are attributed to hepatitis C each year. The highest incidence of this disease is in individuals between the ages of 30 and 49. However, an estimated 240,000 children in the United States have been exposed or are already infected.
Education and early treatment can reduce the number of fatalities. A word to the wise ...
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)