For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Disabled Bride to Be Should Relax and Enjoy Her Friends
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the bride-to-be who had spina bifida, asking how to get down the aisle gracefully at her wedding without using her walker, I would like to share the following:
I, too, was born with spina bifida, and I, too, suffer from spasms, among other conditions unique to this condition. When my wife and I were married, we had our ceremony with her seated in a chair beside my wheelchair. It went off without a hitch.
Those who attend weddings are usually family and friends. So my advice to that lucky lady is to relax and just be herself -- spasms, walker and all. Everyone expects no less -- or more -- than that. Sign me ... TEXAS FOUR-WHEELER
DEAR TEX: Your advice is terrific, and I hope that the nervous bride-to-be will relax and give it serious consideration. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: A young woman with a physical disability wrote you concerning her worries that she would not be able to walk down the aisle on her wedding day. I recently attended a wedding where the bride had similar concerns. She managed the day in an electric scooter decked with flowers and garlands that matched her lovely dress. Perhaps her solution could be applied here. -- MATT IN ROME, N.Y.
DEAR MATT: I don't see why not -- all it would take is a florist with artistry and ingenuity.
DEAR ABBY: May I suggest another way for "Worried Bride-to-Be" to look at her "disability"?
In the early 1900s, the New York Giants baseball team had a pitcher named Luther H. Taylor. He was a deaf mute who was, in an era of insensitivity, nicknamed "Dummy." Taylor lost a lot of games due to his inability to communicate with his teammates.
John McGraw, the manager of the Giants, was under enormous pressure from the team's owner, the fans and the sportswriters to trade Taylor. Instead, McGraw required the entire Giant team to learn American Sign Language. Once that was accomplished, McGraw used hand signals to lead his team. That's the origin of the hand signals that are used in baseball today.
Rather than be embarrassed about her disability, "Worried" should find a way to use her special abilities. -- STEPHEN REDMOND, M.D., MORGAN HILL, CALIF.
DEAR DR. REDMOND: Thank you for not only a fascinating tidbit of information, but also a healthy helping of food for thought. I love the way you look at life's challenges.
DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law (28) and his fiancee (19) make it a practice during family meals to engage in whispered conversation that involves only the two of them. In addition, they spend parts of the meals passionately deep-kissing and rubbing noses.
Am I wrong to feel this behavior is rude, immature and inappropriate? -- LOSING MY APPETITE IN LA PORTE, IND.
DEAR LOSING MY APPETITE: Not at all. In polite company, whispered conversations that exclude others are considered rude. And tongue should not be eaten at the table unless it has first been thoroughly cooked and properly seasoned.
WOMAN'S PLAY-BY-PLAY ACCOUNT AT WORK DRIVES CO-WORKER NUTS
DEAR ABBY: I work in an office that's made up of cubicles, so there is little privacy. After two years at this job, I have, for the most part, learned to block out background noise. However, my co-worker "Gina," who sits in the cubicle next to mine, talks to herself constantly.
This woman provides me with a running diatribe of every single task she does all day long: "Hit enter, file-save -- OK, done!" "Open new file," "Delete," etc. Her monologue goes on and on. It's extremely distracting and annoying. I have talked to my bosses more than once about it, and they've talked to Gina, but still she continues.
I feel like I'm slowly going insane. And now that I'm pregnant, my nerves are even more on edge. Her constant verbalizing has become too much to bear. What's the answer, Abby? -- GOING NUTS AT WORK IN REDDING, CALIF.
DEAR GOING NUTS: Your co-worker may not even be aware that she's talking aloud when she does it. If it's possible, move to another cubicle. If it's not, then, in the interest of your mental health, invest in a pair of earphones that can mask her monologue with "white noise" or music -- anything to block out her muttering. Pregnancy is difficult enough without stress.
DEAR ABBY: Millions of Americans are infected by an insidious virus: hepatitis C. More than 100 new cases occur each day. Most people have no signs or symptoms when this virus attacks the liver -- their internal power plant -- and it can be seriously damaged without any warning.
It is critical that anyone who has experimented with injecting drugs (even just once), snorted cocaine, had a tattoo or body piercing, or shared a razor or toothbrush at any time, to ask their doctors for the simple blood test that detects hepatitis C. The test is not routinely done during a physical exam.
Consuming alcohol is a major problem for anyone who is hepatitis C-infected. Alcohol speeds the damage to the liver. This is why it is vital that hepatitis C be identified -- so further damage to the liver can be avoided and treatment options can be discussed.
This silent disease can be stopped. The first step is to find out if you are infected and to avoid infecting others. Hepatitis C is spread through blood-to-blood contact, and while not easily spread through sex, it is possible.
We will send free information about hepatitis C to your readers if they send a self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope to the Hepatitis Foundation International, P.O. Box 4600, Silver Spring, MD 20904. The Web site is: www.HepatitisFoundation.org.
Abby, thank you for helping your readers learn the facts and how to take control of their health. With your assistance, many lives can be saved. -- THELMA KING THIEL, CEO, HEPATITIS FOUNDATION INTERNATIONAL
DEAR THELMA: According to the information I have read, 4,000 deaths are attributed to hepatitis C each year. The highest incidence of this disease is in individuals between the ages of 30 and 49. However, an estimated 240,000 children in the United States have been exposed or are already infected.
Education and early treatment can reduce the number of fatalities. A word to the wise ...
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
PARENTS SEARCH FOR RIGHT WAY TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG
DEAR ABBY: Would it be OK to ask the parents of our daughter's fiance exactly what's wrong with him? We can tell he's "not quite right."
All our daughter, "Cheryl," knows is that "Kirk" is "learning-delayed" because she overheard his father discussing it with someone else. Cheryl has not asked for further details and is wondering if Kirk's condition can be passed on to their children.
Our only experience with someone who has a learning disability is our niece, who has been advised by her doctor that she can have normal children. We are wondering if this is the case with our future son-in-law.
Should we ask? If so, how does one ask a parent what is wrong with his or her child without seeming rude or nosy? Cheryl and Kirk love each other. It's apparent how happy they are. However, genetics are an issue we feel should be discussed.
Cheryl doesn't know how to bring up the subject, and neither does her father or I. We're well aware that hurt feelings could ensue without the utmost tact. We need some answers, Abby. Thanks for any you can offer. -- IN THE DARK IN THE NORTHWEST
DEAR IN THE DARK: Since your daughter is engaged to marry this young man, any question she might have that could have an impact on her marriage is a legitimate one. Your daughter should speak up and ask her fiance exactly what the problem is. If it's possible that his "learning delay" could affect their children, a talk with his family doctor -- and possibly genetic testing -- are in order.
DEAR ABBY: It is common knowledge that your readers are the most intelligent, well-informed people in the country. They are probably more informed than some of the people we have sent to Washington, D.C.
That is the reason for this letter, Abby. I am asking you to urge your readers to vote in today's election. I am not asking you to endorse any candidate -- that wouldn't be fair to his or her opponent, or to you.
I am just asking you to remind people to get off their collective rear ends, go to the polling station, do their civic duty and VOTE.
I personally don't care who a person votes for, as long as the turnout is greater this year than in 1998, when less than 40 percent of eligible Americans exercised their constitutional right. I would rather see "my candidate" lose by a whopping majority and have a record-high turnout, than win with another record-low voter turnout.
I'm fairly certain that the candidates who are running for office this year would agree with me on that point, even if they can agree on nothing else. -- A PROUD AMERICAN VOTER, BLOOMFIELD, N.J.
DEAR PROUD AMERICAN: You asked for it -- you've got it! Readers, a person who has the right to vote and doesn't do it is no better off than a person who doesn't have that privilege. This is not the time for any American citizen to say, "Let someone else do it." The direction our country takes -- domestically and internationally -- is to a great extent determined by the people who exercise their right to vote.
So cast your vote -- today's the day!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)