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by Abigail Van Buren

Fiancee Left Waiting Has Time for Second Thoughts

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a man who has been married twice. He has a child by each of his ex-wives. He has been divorced from his first wife for seven years. They have a friendly relationship. Whenever they drop off or pick up their 9-year-old son, they spend at least 25 to 30 minutes talking. I sometimes go with him, and he will leave me in the car for that amount of time. He can't understand why I get upset. He thinks I am jealous, which I am not. I'm glad he has a good relationship with her since he doesn't with his second wife. They're always arguing over their 2-year-old.

Abby, do you think I am biting off more than I can chew? -- LEFT IN THE CAR IN DES MOINES

DEAR LEFT IN THE CAR: Only you can answer that question. You are engaged to a man with a past -- and the "souvenirs" to prove it.

From my perspective, it is rude to keep someone waiting more than 15 minutes. However, because you know what to expect, I suggest you take a book or a couple of magazines with you. It will lessen the boredom.

His ex-wives will always be the mothers of his children, and this problem won't go away by itself. Since the situation is upsetting, premarital counseling might help you and your fiance resolve this issue before you get to the altar.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl who really needs your help. I'm in love with a boy, "Lowell," who is two years older. We've kissed and stuff. Lowell says he loves me, but the thing is he failed to tell me he already has a girlfriend. He goes to a different school, so I just found out.

Lowell now knows I know this, but maintains that this girl is "obsessed" with him and he only "pretends" to be her boyfriend to make her happy.

Abby, on top of this, I'm Mormon and can't date until I'm 16. (I think my parents are catching on!) -- IN HOT WATER WITH LOVE


(1) He goes to a different school.

(2) He may not be leveling with you regarding his relationship with the other girl.

(3) You're not allowed to date for two more years.

Bottom line: Face the fact that this relationship is going nowhere.

P.S. Please don't be discouraged. I have a hunch when you are 16 you'll meet a more eligible young man you'll like as much as Lowell.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-something flight attendant. My husband and I spent a lot of money to have his vasectomy reversed so we could have another baby. It failed.

I began artificial insemination. After I mentioned the situation to one of my co-workers, she said she knew that a handsome young pilot we fly with had donated his sperm at the same clinic I used. Happily, I am now pregnant.

I suspect my girlfriend told the pilot because he now goes out of his way to avoid me. I can't be sure, but the pilot matches the description in the clinic's donor catalog of the specimen I used.

This whole thing is supposed to be anonymous, but I'm dying to talk to the pilot to confirm my suspicions. If the pilot is the father, should I tell my husband? -- FLYING HIGH IN CLEVELAND

DEAR FLYING HIGH: The paternity of your baby cannot be determined without a DNA test, and sperm banks usually have many anonymous donors. I see no reason to discuss this conjecture with either the pilot or your husband.

P.S. I'm taken aback at the thought that the pilot in question would have discussed his "donations" with your co-worker.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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