To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Safety Starts With Seat Belt When Firefighters Answer Calls
DEAR ABBY: Fire Prevention Month has nearly ended, but may I still enlist your help?
Firefighters across the country are so eager to respond to emergency calls, they frequently fail to buckle their own seat belts. Last year, 13 firefighters died from injuries that could have been prevented simply by buckling their seat belts.
While many fire departments have rules that are strictly enforced, the majority do not enforce the seat belt rule until someone gets hurt or killed. Six firefighters this year have died from rollovers or being thrown from fire and personal vehicles while responding to a fire. Excuses from firefighters range from, "We need to put on our gear," to "Seat belts don't fit over the gear." It is the responsibility of each individual to buckle his or her seat belt.
I'd like to ask each spouse, parent, child, family member or friend of a firefighter to please remind him or her to buckle up whether riding in a fire truck or ambulance. Listen up, firefighters: Seatbelts Are For Everyone ... even firefighters! Not buckling up is just plain stupid. -- JANET WILMOTH, EDITOR, "FIRE CHIEF"
DEAR JANET: I'm pleased to publicize your appeal. It would be a tragedy if a firefighter is killed before he or she can even respond to the emergency. Certainly "buckling up" is not too much to ask from our heroes. Their jobs are risky enough as it is.
DEAR ABBY: I am fond of my son-in-law, "Kirk." He is a fine person. However, Kirk is overweight and has high cholesterol, and my daughter, "Gloria," told me she finds Kirk's weight a "turnoff."
While they were visiting me last weekend, Gloria went to the cupboard where I keep candy and nuts for my bridge group. She filled a plate with divinity, chocolate kisses, nuts, etc. and set it on the table right in front of Kirk. We had just returned from a champagne brunch. I later told Gloria I thought it was wrong of her to serve candy to Kirk knowing he wouldn't be able to resist. She replied, "Everyone is responsible for himself."
What is your take on this situation? -- CONCERNED M-I-L IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR CONCERNED: What your daughter is doing to her husband is deliberate sabotage. She's feeding his weakness. For whatever reasons, she isn't encouraging a healthy, fit spouse. People who love each other want what's best for them and offer support. Shame on Gloria.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old guy who's been dating my 13-year-old girlfriend for the past six months. Her mom knows we go out, but she doesn't know I'm 18. She thinks I just turned 17.
Abby, I really love this girl. We've made a commitment to get married when she turns 18, which is when she graduates from high school.
In the meantime, what should I do about lying to her mom about my age? -- TOTALLY IN LOVE
DEAR TOTALLY IN LOVE: Level with her mother. If you are caught in this lie, the girl's parents will rightfully wonder what else you and their daughter have been lying about. Furthermore, without her parents' blessing, in some states -- if this should "go too far" -- you may find yourself in legal trouble because you are considered an adult and she is a minor. Please give this some serious thought and don't delay.
Old Friend Is Good Company, but Bad Addition to Marriage
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," and I have been married 36 years. During that time I have disagreed with some of the choices he's made, but his latest escapade tops them all.
A year ago, George expressed a desire to rekindle a friendship with a woman he'd had a crush on in high school. (I'll call her Kate.) Kate said she wondered what had happened to some of their old classmates, so George suggested they attend their 40th class reunion together. I didn't care to go, so I agreed it might be fun for them to see the old gang.
Since then, the three of us have enjoyed dinners and movies. They're now planning a seven-day Caribbean cruise together and say they want to share a room to save money. I was invited, but I don't plan to go.
George insists there is no sexual attraction -- but I'm becoming uncomfortable and annoyed with the situation. The chosen few to whom he's confided his vacation plans say I'm crazy for allowing things to escalate this far. I'm beginning to agree.
My husband recently had a heart attack and takes numerous medications. I have stuck by his side all these years while he was in and out of the hospital with various ailments. I don't understand why he now wants to spend so much time with a friend, while neglecting a faithful wife.
As I sit typing this letter, George has gone for yet another one of their "friendship visits."
Abby, what's wrong with this picture? We're the talk of the neighborhood. Any suggestions? -- DESERTED WIFE IN MISSOURI
DEAR DESERTED: Yes! Spouses should be playmates as well as helpmates. If you haven't already realized it, you're playing with dynamite. Reorganize your priorities immediately, and stop enabling your husband to spend so much time alone with his old high school crush.
Kate reminds your husband of the time when he was young and healthy. After his heart attack, he is living life to the fullest -- however, he should be living it with you. Since your husband has told you you are welcome to be with them, make it your business to go on the cruise. You, not Kate, should be the one sharing his stateroom.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl. Lately I've been thinking about famous people and the impact they have on the lives of children and teenagers. If some rock star gets caught smoking marijuana or an athlete takes steroids, I know kids my age who would go straight out and try it.
These singers, athletes, actors and musicians don't realize how powerful their influence is. You can't rationalize behavior by saying, "Oh, they should have known better." Hello? I don't think so.
To all of the famous people out here, whether you realize it or not, you are role models for us kids and young adults all across the nation. So PLEASE, before you do something dangerous, stupid or illegal -- think about the impact it will have on your fans. -- A MINOR WHO KNOWS, HAWTHORNE, N.J.
DEAR MINOR: For one so young, you have a good head on your shoulders. I agree that when someone enters public life, setting a good example is a small price to pay for fame and fortune.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: An important reminder: Have you remembered to change the batteries on your smoke alarms and that daylight-saving time is over, so clocks should be set back one hour? I hope so!
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Parents Should Heed Intuition When Dealing With Their Kids
DEAR ABBY: I had an eye-opening experience last Sunday. Our 13-year-old son has always seemed fairly happy and well-adjusted. As we were about to leave for church, I looked at him and I could feel that something was not right. His face had a desperate look. I asked him, "Are you OK?" and that was all it took. My boy began sobbing and told me he'd been crying every night for the past two weeks. I knew he'd had some trouble sleeping, but I thought it was just growing pains.
I immediately began asking all kinds of questions -- and listened carefully to everything he said. I told him we would get him help the next day. Just the fact that I believed him and was willing to take action seemed to lift some of the burden he's been carrying around.
His father and I and both of his grandparents have all had problems with depression. The doctor later told our son how fortunate he is to have parents who don't minimize their children's feelings.
Abby, I cannot impress enough to parents the importance of paying attention to their children's moods and body language. In their own quiet way, kids try to tell you when something is wrong. Our sons and daughters are gifts to be cherished. If you sense something is wrong, KEEP ASKING! -- GRATEFUL MOTHER IN MINNESOTA
DEAR GRATEFUL MOTHER: Your son is also fortunate that because of your family history, you were sensitive to the signs of depression and recognized them for what they were. Depression also strikes people who have no family history.
Anyone, regardless of age, who experiences any five of the following symptoms for two weeks or more should consult a mental health professional:
(1) Feeling of sadness and/or irritability.
(2) Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed.
(3) Changes in weight and appetite.
(4) Changes in sleep patterns.
(5) Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless.
(6) Inability to concentrate, remember things or make decisions.
(7) Fatigue or loss of energy.
(8) Restlessness or decreased activity noticed by others.
(9) Thoughts of death or suicide.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 18 years. One year ago, my mother-in-law informed me that her adult daughter (my sister-in-law) has a problem with me calling her parents Mom and Dad. Needless to say, my feelings were hurt, and for the past year I have felt very uncomfortable not knowing what to call them. I would feel strange calling them by their first names now.
I finally found the courage to ask my sister-in-law if she was really bothered. She said, "Yes. You have your own parents." I couldn't believe she felt this way, especially after all these years. We've always gotten along -- or so I thought.
My questions are: Does my sister-in-law have issues? Should I continue to call them Mom and Dad? -- ANNOYED IN THE NORTHWEST
DEAR ANNOYED: Call your in-laws whatever you wish -- as long as it's OK with THEM. Your sister-in-law is jealous. This is her problem. Don't make it yours.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)