To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Police Banners Save the Day for Those Needing Road Help
DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, you gave information on how to order "Please Call Police" banners for the car. I had previously ordered some, but somehow lost them. I would like to replace them and purchase some more for family members.
Following my husband's heart surgery, they came in handy. After he was discharged from the hospital, our car died on the way home. We displayed the bright banner in the back window, and the police arrived quickly and helped us to get home.
Would you please share that information again? I'm sure I'm not the only person needing a replacement. -- WILMA IN EAST TEXAS
DEAR WILMA: I'm pleased to do so. However, before I do, I'd like to share some comments from other readers about those banners:
"The banners are a great idea. I have had two hip replacements, but still drive. I was going to get an emergency phone for my car, but I have two hearing aids and the volume on the phone is not adequate for me, so I need your 'Please Call Police' banners." -- A.M. IN TAUNTON, MASS.
"'Please Call Police' banners -- what a brainstorm. I'm 86 years old, but still drive because our small town in Texas has no public transportation. (I call our town 'Sleepy Hollow.') What a godsend those banners are. Please send two of them." -- D.E.J. IN TEXAS
"My grandmother is 80 and drives more than 25,000 miles a year. I would feel more confident about her safety if she had the banners in her glove compartment. I'll put two of them in her Christmas stocking." -- BRIAN M., ORADELL, N.J.
Readers, these lifesaving banners can be ordered by writing to the Westside Center for Independent Living. It is a nonprofit organization that helps people with disabilities live more independent lives. You will receive one banner for a $5 contribution and another for each additional $4 contribution (plus $1 per order for postage and handling).
To order, send check or money order (U.S. funds only, please) to: WCIL Banners, P.O. Box 92501, Los Angeles, CA 90009. Allow four to eight weeks for delivery. For more information, visit the WCIL Web site at www.wcil.org.
Your orders not only provide a safety measure for you and those you love, but they also assist WCIL in providing much-needed services for individuals with disabilities.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old housewife and mother of three, ages 2, 3 and 8. I recently returned to night school to get my teaching degree.
My husband is frustrated and upset because he says everything is falling on him. After working eight hours a day, he resents having to feed, bathe and baby-sit the kids for six hours every night while I am in school.
He supports my decision, but constantly pulls little guilt trips on me. What should I do? -- BETTERING MYSELF
DEAR BETTERING MYSELF: You and your husband are both carrying a heavy load right now. Arrange for child care at least one night a week so your husband will feel less trapped. Also schedule much-needed "date nights" so the two of you can talk (uninterrupted) and catch up with each other's busy lives. You won't be a student forever -- and once you have your teaching certificate, you'll both be glad you did it.
Pagan Priestess Sets Record Straight on Marriage Customs
DEAR ABBY: I agree with your response to "Be-witched in Sacramento" -- up to a point. As a witch and Pagan priestess for more than 30 years, I can tell you that ceremonies such as handfastings (our term for a wedding) are not required to be held at midnight and that the parents of the bride and groom, if they're open-minded enough to attend, are usually honored.
It isn't customary to involve cowan (nonmembers) in ritual planning. The bride's family should not feel hurt by her failure to include them. Our customs are different from those of the greater community, and I don't blame any couple who prefer to just do it themselves rather than explain -- over and over -- what they're doing and why they're doing it that way. It can be very draining. But most couples, if they choose to have guests at all, have their handfasting at a time when those guests can attend.
The couple's decision to be handfasted under the full moon is particularly blessed and by our lights very romantic. However, if I were the priestess counseling them, I'd advise them to move up the ceremony a few hours and make sure the family members feel warmly welcomed. It takes a lot of love for a Christian to attend a Pagan ceremony. It should be honored and appreciated.
I must tell you I take deep issue with your denigrating comment, "I have no idea how serious her interest in witchcraft is or how long it will last ..." You imply that witchcraft is something the sister is likely to get over. That's what my family thought in 1970. You don't question the commitment of people married by Jewish, Christian or Buddhist (etc.) rites. It's inappropriate to question that of a Pagan.
Thank you and blessed be ... DANA CORBY, HPS, TACOMA, WASH.
DEAR DANA: Chalk it up to my ignorance, which is something that can be corrected. When I closed my eyes and tried to imagine a witch, what came to mind was a teenaged girl with black clothes, lipstick and nail polish going through a phase and trying to freak out her parents.
The literally hundreds of letters and e-mails I have received from Wiccans have proved me wrong. Wicca should not be confused with satanism. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Paganism is a registered religion. We're as serious about it as a Catholic, Lutheran or Buddhist. Would you ask any of them how serious their interest in their religion is? Probably not! You also stated that the woman "appears to be in a world of her own." Not so. There are thousands of Pagans. You just don't see us because we look just like you. We are doctors, lawyers, truck drivers, etc.
Paganism has long been thought of as a wacky, temporary and insignificant religion. Your comments validated the ignorance that most people have about this amazing religion. -- WILLOW, A MINNESOTA WITCH
DEAR WILLOW: Speaking as both a fellow Minnesotan (it's the state where I was born), as well as someone who has occasionally been accused of being a "witch" (at least I think that's what was said), I can only say that in the past few weeks, I have learned more than I ever expected to about Paganism. Those who would like to learn more about this ancient religion should visit the Web site of Covenant of the Goddess, an international organization of Wiccan congregations at: www.cog.org. I'm sure it will be a revelation.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
FIANCEE LEFT WAITING HAS TIME FOR SECOND THOUGHTS
DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a man who has been married twice. He has a child by each of his ex-wives. He has been divorced from his first wife for seven years. They have a friendly relationship. Whenever they drop off or pick up their 9-year-old son, they spend at least 25 to 30 minutes talking. I sometimes go with him, and he will leave me in the car for that amount of time. He can't understand why I get upset. He thinks I am jealous, which I am not. I'm glad he has a good relationship with her since he doesn't with his second wife. They're always arguing over their 2-year-old.
Abby, do you think I am biting off more than I can chew? -- LEFT IN THE CAR IN DES MOINES
DEAR LEFT IN THE CAR: Only you can answer that question. You are engaged to a man with a past -- and the "souvenirs" to prove it.
From my perspective, it is rude to keep someone waiting more than 15 minutes. However, because you know what to expect, I suggest you take a book or a couple of magazines with you. It will lessen the boredom.
His ex-wives will always be the mothers of his children, and this problem won't go away by itself. Since the situation is upsetting, premarital counseling might help you and your fiance resolve this issue before you get to the altar.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl who really needs your help. I'm in love with a boy, "Lowell," who is two years older. We've kissed and stuff. Lowell says he loves me, but the thing is he failed to tell me he already has a girlfriend. He goes to a different school, so I just found out.
Lowell now knows I know this, but maintains that this girl is "obsessed" with him and he only "pretends" to be her boyfriend to make her happy.
Abby, on top of this, I'm Mormon and can't date until I'm 16. (I think my parents are catching on!) -- IN HOT WATER WITH LOVE
DEAR IN HOT WATER: Let's see:
(1) He goes to a different school.
(2) He may not be leveling with you regarding his relationship with the other girl.
(3) You're not allowed to date for two more years.
Bottom line: Face the fact that this relationship is going nowhere.
P.S. Please don't be discouraged. I have a hunch when you are 16 you'll meet a more eligible young man you'll like as much as Lowell.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-something flight attendant. My husband and I spent a lot of money to have his vasectomy reversed so we could have another baby. It failed.
I began artificial insemination. After I mentioned the situation to one of my co-workers, she said she knew that a handsome young pilot we fly with had donated his sperm at the same clinic I used. Happily, I am now pregnant.
I suspect my girlfriend told the pilot because he now goes out of his way to avoid me. I can't be sure, but the pilot matches the description in the clinic's donor catalog of the specimen I used.
This whole thing is supposed to be anonymous, but I'm dying to talk to the pilot to confirm my suspicions. If the pilot is the father, should I tell my husband? -- FLYING HIGH IN CLEVELAND
DEAR FLYING HIGH: The paternity of your baby cannot be determined without a DNA test, and sperm banks usually have many anonymous donors. I see no reason to discuss this conjecture with either the pilot or your husband.
P.S. I'm taken aback at the thought that the pilot in question would have discussed his "donations" with your co-worker.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)