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by Abigail Van Buren

Grandpa Finds Little to Love in Teenager's Hateful Attitude

DEAR ABBY: My wife died two years ago. Since then, I have had health problems that make it difficult to live alone.

I tried an assisted-living complex, but when I added up the expenses, my son suggested I move in with them. I thought it was a good idea because I would rather give them the money.

The problem is my 15-year-old granddaughter, "Vanessa." My son and his wife are intelligent people, and I don't understand how they have raised this selfish, inconsiderate, insolent, demanding brat. Vanessa thinks the world revolves around her. If she doesn't get her way, she yells, screams, and says terrible things to her parents -- and they take it! I want to get up and slap her. Even though she is my granddaughter, I find it difficult to like her.

Abby, there are no rules, no discipline, no punishment, no guidelines whatsoever in their home. I can't take her behavior any longer. I want to move out at the end of the month. What do you think? -- HAD IT IN DENVER

DEAR HAD IT: Please don't blame your granddaughter for this situation. In a household where there are no rules, no discipline, no consequences and no guidelines, her attitude and behavior are logical.

It is possible that a better living arrangement for you might be to share a home or apartment with someone closer to you in age. Your local area agency on aging may be able to steer you in the right direction. However, before you make any hard and fast decisions about changing your address, I urge you to have a frank talk with your son and daughter-in-law about the reasons you're making the move.