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Woman Threatens Action Against Lover Who Left Her With Disease
DEAR ABBY: Last month my boyfriend, "Mack," broke off our live-in relationship to be with another woman, who was supposed to be my friend. I'll call her Lois. Lois said she feels bad about it, but that doesn't heal my broken heart.
I recently discovered that Mack has given me a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that can cause cancer. He and I talked on the phone one evening, and I asked if he and Lois had slept together yet. He refused to answer. When I asked him if he had told her about his STD, Mack was adamant about not wanting to discuss it.
The following morning I called Lois and asked if I could come over because I had something important to tell her. Talk about being nervous! I was a wreck, but weathered it. I explained everything I knew about the situation. Lois told me Mack had said nothing to her about any STDs, and told me she would ask him about it.
Later that night, I got a call from Mack. He was madder than a wet hen! I feel I did the right thing by telling Lois because he didn't sound like he would. After all, he never told ME he had an STD -- I found out from my gynecologist. Now Mack claims he didn't know he had an STD, and I'm wondering if that's true or not.
Someone told me I could sue Mack for giving me this life-threatening disease. Tests can be given to determine how long he's had it. Should I sue him, Abby? I am angry because he jeopardized my life when he supposedly loved me. I don't want him giving this disgusting disease to anyone else. -- HURT AND MAD IN OKEMOS, MICH.
DEAR H. AND M.: I suspect you have a valid legal case, but law is out of my area of expertise, so talk to an attorney.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old woman living with my son, daughter-in-law and their 5-year-old daughter. When she was born, they asked me to leave my home and job to take care of my grandchild. I have been with them ever since. I keep the house spotless, do all the laundry, cooking and 99 percent of the yard work. I baby-sit 24/7.
My problem is I have no money and no clothes. I have to beg them to buy me shampoo, creme rinse, everything! My son cusses me out and treats me terribly.
Abby, I want to leave, but I'm afraid I'll never see my grandchild again. How do I get out of this situation? -- TRAPPED IN THE EVERGLADES
DEAR TRAPPED: The situation you describe is called slavery. It is against the law in this country. Your son and his wife have not demonstrated that they care about your welfare. More important than whether you see your grandchild is what is going to happen to you in your old age. If you haven't saved money and paid into Social Security, you may not have enough benefits to keep you housed and fed.
If there is a relative who can help you make the transition back into a normal life, please call him or her. If there isn't, you may have to call the police to help you escape to a shelter until you can find a job and a place of your own. Please don't wait another minute.
Late Start Doesn't Concern Student Who Wants to Teach
DEAR ABBY: I feel compelled to respond to Veronica M. DeCrescio's letter about how she always wanted to be a teacher, but never went back to school to certify.
Please tell her to GO FOR IT! I am in a similar situation. I earned a B.A. in an unrelated field, but later realized I wanted to become an elementary school teacher. I am going after it -- even though it means I will be a student teacher at 50.
I am in school now and have five more quarters to go. This time around, college is even more intellectually stimulating and satisfying than before. Most of the students in my program are under 30, and I am old enough to be "Mom" to several of them. Age can be an advantage -- I have had life experiences these youngsters have yet to learn. Moreover, I have had the time to think about taking this life-changing step and am fully committed to my dream of becoming a teacher.
If I can do it, anyone can. We all have something of value to contribute to the field of education. Please assure Ms. DeCrescio that devotion and enthusiasm for the profession of teaching are much more important than one's age! -- MS. RANDALL START, BREMERTON, WASH.
DEAR RANDALL: True. I'm pleased to see someone with your life experience going into elementary education. People who love what they do are usually very good at it. You'll be a terrific role model for your students to emulate. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Your response to the individual who got her degree but was not certified to teach school was incomplete. If you meant she should try teaching and see if she likes it, I agree. But she should realize that substitute teaching without proper certification will get her nowhere unless she's willing to work in a private school for low pay, or work in a position where there are no health or retirement benefits.
This wanna-be teacher could, however, check with her local schools and see if they help uncertified staff go back to school. In my district, many of our teaching assistants have obtained certification in this manner and are now working as full-fledged teachers.
She also needs to check the local colleges and find out exactly what is needed to earn her certificate. It might come as a pleasant surprise, since she already has a bachelor's degree.
Please wish her good luck from me, Abby. You were right when you emphasized the need for good teachers. -- VETERAN SCHOOL SECRETARY, SYRACUSE, N.Y.
DEAR SCHOOL SECRETARY: Let it be lost on no one that one of the most important jobs in this country is teaching. Teachers can influence and motivate an entire generation.
DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman, extremely shy, and not the most popular guy on campus. There is a girl I like, but she hangs out with a far more popular crowd. I talk to her often -- in school, online and on the phone. I would like to ask her out, but I am afraid she'll say no. What should I do? -- HOPELESS FOREVER IN NEW YORK
DEAR HOPELESS FOREVER: Ask her out for coffee. It's nonthreatening and it's not a formal date. It's two friends chatting and getting to know each other. Then ask her to a movie. If she's spending time talking to you on the phone and online, she's interested in you, too. Take a deep breath, count to three -- and call her now!
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I have a brother, "Stan," who has been homeless for a decade. Stan is borderline schizophrenic. He goes through periods when he hears voices, believes things to be true that aren't, and does not keep himself clean. He has always had trouble dealing with people.
Although I am younger than Stan, I have taken on the responsibility of sending him money, getting him out of trouble, etc. He is often unappreciative, but I realize his problems are beyond his control.
Every day I thank my lucky stars that I am mentally healthy and can get up every morning with the resolve to work and enjoy my life and relationships with people.
I'm writing because I often hear others make comments about "the homeless" -- that they are lazy, drunk, etc. People don't realize that while they're airing their distorted views, a relative of a homeless person could be in their presence.
I have struggled with Stan's mental illness and the problems it causes him, trying to get him proper treatment and shelter. For people to imply that I should tell him to get a job conveys nothing but ignorance. Homeless people have a disability that is not visible.
So why do people persist in believing the homeless choose their fate? Because it means they don't have to feel compassion or try to help. Please print this so people will open their minds before making insensitive, ignorant, black-and-white statements. -- SISTER WHO CARES IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SISTER: I'm not sure that I agree with your conclusion that people persist in believing the homeless choose their fate so they won't have to feel compassion or try to help.
I think there is an element of fear when we are confronted by the homeless. Some of them are so ill, talking to people who aren't there, that there is a fear they might become violent.
Also, many people live from paycheck to paycheck. In other words, they're only a paycheck away from being homeless themselves. And that in itself is so frightening that people want to distance themselves so they won't have to think about that terrifying reality.
DEAR ABBY: I have been friendly with "Janet," my neighbor, for 12 years. When my daughter "Heather" turned 19, she moved out. Heather, who is irresponsible and immature, then went behind my back and asked Janet to co-sign for an apartment for her and one of her girlfriends. Without consulting me, Janet agreed.
Well, Heather and her friend got evicted, owing their landlord $2,400. Janet called me and told me I should pay her for Heather's portion of the rent. I told her, "Sorry, I can't help you." Janet became very upset and now refuses to have anything to do with me.
Heather enlisted in the Army and is out of the country. Janet still calls and threatens me. I feel bad about this because she was a good friend. What do I do? -- A MOTHER IN FRESNO, CALIF.
DEAR MOTHER: Do nothing. Janet made a bad business decision that has nothing to do with you. Also, Janet is NOT your friend. She conspired with your child to undermine your authority as a parent. She has learned an expensive lesson the hard way. Now please stop grieving for her.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)