For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Patriots Must Learn to Pay Proper Respect for the Flag
DEAR ABBY: How do you chew out someone whose heart is in the right place? During the Cold War, I spent almost six years defending the flag of our country. While I am delighted to see it flying everywhere, folks -- please use your head as well as your heart.
A flag flying from a car at high speed takes a beating. Please replace it before it turns into a rag. I have seen some so far gone that only half the flag remains. I even saw a pair of flags hanging horizontally from a car trunk. They looked like mud flaps.
If you display a flag at your home, please keep it hanging free. If there has been a strong wind, unwind it. If it has caught on the shrubbery, please untangle it.
Finally, a request to the business world: If you use the flag in your ads, please don't alter it. One of our local radio stations went so far as to replace the blue field of stars with its own logo.
When people get old and gray, it's time to love and care for them. When flags get old and gray, it's time to replace them. -- KEN DALE, WEST LINN, ORE.
DEAR KEN: Thank you for a timely letter. I, too, have seen torn, faded, rain-drenched American flags flying from car windows, and tangled flags on homes and apartments. The U.S. Flag Code, adopted in 1923, describes the following rules for proper flag protocol:
(1) Always display the flag with the field of blue in the upper left-hand corner. To display it upside down is considered a distress signal.
(2) It should be carried aloft and free, never flat or horizontally.
(3) The flag should always be kept clean and safe; never let it become torn, soiled or damaged.
(4) The flag should be destroyed by burning in a dignified manner.
(5) Always treat the flag with respect. Never embroider it on household items or pieces of clothing.
People who are unable to dispose of the flag in the prescribed manner should contact their nearest American Legion or VFW post. Most of them have an annual ceremony in which old and worn flags are properly destroyed.
Readers who would like a copy of the brochure "Our Flag: How to Honor and Display It," and a flag fact sheet on "Flag Retirement," need only request it and send $1 plus a long (business-size), stamped, self-addressed envelope to National Flag Foundation, Flag Plaza, 1275 Bedford Ave., Pittsburgh, PA 15219-3630. It can also be reviewed on the Internet at www.americanflags.org. Or call the NFF toll-free: (800) 615-1776.
DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding wedding shower gifts. I live in my own apartment. My fiance lives at home with his folks. We registered for some practical things -- mostly items for the kitchen.
My question: Is it rude to use the gifts BEFORE we get married? We're not being married for four more months. It feels a little strange to be putting our wedding shower gifts to use, but isn't that the purpose -- to set up housekeeping? Please advise. -- GAYLE IN TOLEDO
DEAR GAYLE: Call me an incurable romantic -- or perhaps superstitious -- but the time to start using wedding shower gifts is after the honeymoon.
Penny Left Behind Helps Mom Move Ahead After Son's Death
DEAR ABBY: My son, Tommy, loved orange and grapefruit juice. A serious baseball player and avid outdoorsman, he was a health-conscious 17-year-old. Early in January 1999, a good friend gave me two cans of grapefruit juice for Tommy. Two weeks later, there was still one left.
In May of 2001, I read my first "pennies from heaven" story in your column. I wasn't having a good day, but decided to do some cleaning anyway. I started with our refrigerator. There, sitting on a shelf, was the last can of Tommy's juice. For two years, friends and family members had urged me to throw it out. Nobody understood why I kept it. "Just don't touch it," I'd say.
You see, my only son, my precious Tommy, was killed Jan. 20, 1999, in a tragic car accident on his way to school. I couldn't throw out his last can of juice -- it was part of his life. The pain I suffered when he died seemed to strengthen the bond he and I had shared. But I needed a message from him to let me know he was OK. I knew someday the message would come, because I believe in my children. I knew he would find a way to reach me from the grave. My fear was how long I could hang on without knowing he was OK.
As these thoughts raced through my mind, I went back to cleaning. I picked up the rusty can of juice, and to my surprise, underneath was a green, moldy penny on the saucer.
It took me months to speak of that day. When I finally told my husband and daughter, I feared they would not believe me. It took them a while, but there were more signs to come.
In July 2001, determined to have some fun, we went away for our 22nd anniversary. We took our daughter and new grandbaby with us. Walking through the doorway of our hotel, my husband looked down. There were two pennies -- one facing him and one facing me.
This past summer, I went with my daughter and the children of some friends to the beach. On our way home, we stopped to ride the go-carts -- a family tradition. My daughter and I both found pennies inside our go-carts.
Abby, the denial is gone. The pain and struggle are not, but it's a little easier now. Tommy and I have built a different kind of relationship, still unique and strong. Wanting to feel your son again cannot be put into words. Only a mother knows that need.
The penny stories need to continue for people like me. I now accept all the strange coincidences in my life knowing Tommy is letting me know he's close.
The penny in the fridge broke the ice for me. It started a new beginning. Thank you. -- ROCKY FRAZIER, DOVER, DEL.
DEAR ROCKY: I used to think a penny was a denomination of money. I now know it's also an article of faith.
DEAR ABBY: My dear friend, "Jean," is having trouble with her old lover, "Toby." She broke up with him a month ago. Ever since, Toby has been following her -- and last night threatened to kill her.
Abby, Jean comes to me for help, but I don't know what to do. She is afraid to go to the police because she thinks it will make Toby even angrier. What should I do? -- A FRIEND OF A FRIEND IN NEED
DEAR FRIEND: The police should be notified ASAP. It is against the law to stalk people and threaten to kill them. Your friend needs your emotional support. Take her to the police station and help her to file a complaint. You may be saving her life.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Mom Distraught by Emotional Tie to Son's Teen Age Friend
DEAR ABBY: I have had an unusually close bond with my son's best friend, "Chad." We talk several times a week and enjoy each other's company. Chad is 17. I am 45. He has always made me feel special.
Recently I chaperoned a school dance, and he was there. While checking the back hallway, I saw him kissing a girl. I was stunned by my reaction. I broke down in front of them. I sobbed like a teen-ager whose boyfriend was cheating on her. Other students and adults also witnessed my unfortunate display of emotions. Now I am afraid to talk with Chad -- and he's made no effort to call me.
Abby, I honestly don't know how to explain myself. I am afraid this will affect Chad's friendship with my son, as well. I do not want to lose my relationship with this wonderful young man, whom I dearly love. What do I do now? -- EMOTIONAL MOM IN PASADENA, CALIF.
DEAR EMOTIONAL MOM: I think you have done enough. It's time to put some distance between you and this lad. You didn't mention whether or not you have a husband. If you are single, it's time to concentrate your energies on someone closer to your own age.
DEAR ABBY: The "Are You an Alcoholic?" test you printed listing 12 questions was good as far as it went -- but it didn't go far enough. I'm sure that anyone who was raised by, or married to, or has a friend who is an alcoholic cringed when they read it.
Where were these questions: When you take one or two drinks, can you stop and walk away? Have you ever embarrassed yourself or someone else when drinking? Do you drink every day? How many times in the last month have you awakened with a hangover? Do you spend money you don't have on alcohol? Has this affected your sleeping habits? (Do you pass out, get a drink in the middle of the night, or wet the bed when you sleep because of alcohol?)
There are many "working" alcoholics and many who don't work -- mostly women -- because they are financially able not to. I know, because between parents, a husband and a good friend, I have experienced it all.
Please rethink your test and add these questions. -- BEEN THERE IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR BEEN THERE: I'll do that. And thank you for the valuable input.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to add a thought to David Broome's words of encouragement to "Scared About the New Job." He said, "Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
While I appreciate his sentiment and completely agree with his contrasting the success of the ark to that of the Titanic, I must point out that the success of the ark was not due to its contractor, but to its architect. -- GARY SHIRLEY, OCEAN SPRINGS, MISS.
DEAR GARY: I'm pleased to "float" your theory.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)