What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Keeping Peace in the Family Isn't Always the Right Course
DEAR ABBY: I loved your reply to the woman whose nasty mother-in-law expects her college-bound grandson to call and visit and do her chores on weekends. This after years of playing favorites with his cousins and disrespectful treatment of his mother. The woman asked what to say to her mother-in-law when she called and demanded the young man's phone number.
You advised her to tell her mother-in-law that college is a big adjustment, that the young man has her telephone number with him, and in the meantime she'll have to find someone else to do her chores.
I have a further suggestion -- turn the phone over to her husband when nasty grandma calls and starts complaining. Let HIM do the explaining.
I'm sick of people who advise turning the other cheek or keeping peace in the family. If people want respect, they had better act like they deserve it. -- EX-RELATIVE AND GLAD OF IT
DEAR GLAD: You are correct that respect is something that cannot be demanded or bought. It's something that must be earned. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That "mean" grandmother could have been my grandma. She never liked my mother and constantly criticized her in front of us and other relatives. She favored the other grandkids and ignored us.
My mother never held a grudge against my grandmother. Mother encouraged us to ignore the nasty comments. She said that in time, Grandma would realize the error of her ways.
For years, I would go to my grandmother's house and clean the pool, do housework and pull weeds in her yard. My sister would also help, but my brother was less forgiving. He wanted nothing to do with her.
My sister, brother and I have all turned out well. We have college educations and successful careers. The "favored" grandkids are either unemployed or still living with their parents.
Grandma passed away recently. Her "last will and testament" speaks volumes. In it, she stated that she had given money and gifts to her other children -- none of whom had ever lifted a hand to help when she needed it -- so she was leaving her sizable estate to my family, including my mother.
My mom cried. -- A BIG FAN IN CANOGA PARK, CALIF.
DEAR FAN: Your mom may have cried, but each time I read your letter I can't help smiling. Your mother's kindness and a lifetime of turning the other cheek paid dividends -- literally.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "SHAFTED AGAIN" IN SILVER SPRING: One of the most exhausting burdens in the world is the weight of bearing a grudge. Read on:
FORGIVENESS
(Author Unknown)
The friend who ran off with your wife,
Forgive him for his lust;
The chum who sold you phony stocks,
Forgive his breach of trust;
The pal who schemed behind your back,
Forgive his evil plot;
And when you're done, forgive yourself
'Cause you are all you've got.
DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon with the addition of some variations of my own.
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.
Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and not speak ill of others. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll try not to improve anybody except myself.
Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
We know so much more today about nutrition and how exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable; so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.
Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it to the letter, but I will have it -- thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all, a happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY
P.S. I'm sure anyone who lives with a football addict will appreciate the following letter I've been saving for today. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: No earth-shaking problem, just a day-brightener:
A man bought his mother, a sweet old lady of 75, a portable television set for Christmas. After the excitement of the holidays was over, she finally sat down on New Year's Day to watch some TV. Anticipating a game show or a soap opera, she turned it on -- and got the Rose Bowl game. She changed the channels and saw the Cotton Bowl and the Orange Bowl. In disgust, she turned the set off.
The next day she phoned her son: "I'm sorry to tell you this, son," she said, "but there's something wrong with the television set you got me. The only thing you can get on it is football games." -- DEAN BUNN, BROOKLYN CENTER, MINN.
DEAR DEAN: The football crowd may not appreciate that joke, but anyone who is "bowled over" today will.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
On This Day, as on Every Day, Don't Tolerate Drunk Driving
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading "Still Shaking's" letter to you about drunk driving. I am a 20-year-old college student. I hope you will print my letter as well, because teens and young adults can't hear this enough: DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE.
Although I'm ashamed to admit it, I have been a passenger in a car with a drunk driver. Never again. Sometimes it takes hearing a horror story to make an impression on young people, so here goes:
My best childhood friend drove home drunk from a party last Saturday night. She had a 17-year-old passenger with her. My friend crashed into two utility poles three blocks from her house. Her passenger was killed. At 20 years of age, my bright and funny friend is facing charges of manslaughter drunk driving. Worse, she must face the grief she has inflicted on the girl's family and live with the guilt of killing her friend long past any prison time she may serve.
Please, to my peers: As that lucky girl, "Still Shaking," begged you before, don't drive drunk, AND DON'T GET INTO A CAR WITH A DRUNK DRIVER. "Only one time" can kill you. "It's just down the street" can kill you. Or worse, it may kill a friend. -- SHOCKED AND SOBERED, AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR SHOCKED AND SOBERED: Your letter is timely because today is a holiday when even those who rarely drink are sometimes tempted or coerced into "having a little nip" -- and maybe two or three -- to welcome the new year and toast the passing of the last one. It's also an occasion when people who are not used to drinking tend to binge. The result is intoxicated drivers on the road -- a menace to themselves and everyone around them. I hope that this year, party-goers of every age will pay attention to your important warning. Drunk driving is not limited only to younger people.
DEAR ABBY: The story in your column about people having themselves paged in a hotel lobby for recognition reminded me of the time I was a patient in our local hospital. I happened to be chairman of the board of trustees of the hospital as well.
My room was in a normally quiet wing of the post-surgical floor when I became aware of the pages being broadcast over the hospital intercom system. One doctor in particular seemed to be in great demand. When I did a little investigating, I learned that he had himself paged on an ongoing basis -- sometimes even when he wasn't in the hospital -- as "free advertising." (He thought that if people heard his name being broadcast often, they would think he must be a great doctor.)
Needless to say, the audio paging was soon stopped. Now doctors are paged only on their personal systems. -- A READER IN PALM BEACH, FLA.
DEAR READER: I'll bet the patients are grateful for the peace and quiet. When someone is ill and trying to recover, incessant pages such as you have described are about as welcome as telemarketing calls while you're taking your Saturday night bath.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Farewell to 2001 -- what a year this has been! Let's all say a prayer for world peace, for the health and safety of President Bush and Vice President Cheney, and for our members of the military who are far from their loved ones today. It takes only a minute to send greetings to our troops around the globe. Simply e-mail them at www.OperationDearAbby.net and wish them Happy New Year. And to all of you, a happy, healthy and prosperous 2002.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)