What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
PARENTS PROVIDED SAFE HAVEN FOR TEEN TAUNTED AT SCHOOL
DEAR ABBY: I could have been one of those outcast teens who shoot classmates when I was younger. Like them, I felt that I did not belong within the confines of my school. The torment started in the eighth grade and continued through my senior year of high school.
I was taunted by nearly everyone in class, made fun of because I was unpopular, and made to feel small and insignificant. I remember walking up the sidewalk to school, palms sweating, stomach in knots, knowing once again I faced another day trying to make myself as invisible as possible. It rarely worked. My tormentors always managed to use me as their whipping boy.
There were times I would lay my head on my desk, tears streaming down my face, the other kids laughing and making jokes about me. Not once did a teacher or principal come to my aid. It was as if my feelings were unimportant, or they had a mind-set that "kids will be kids." I struggled through school and kept my grades as high as possible under the circumstances I faced daily.
So why did I not take vengeance on my classmates with the nearest weapon? The answer is simple: My parents were always there for me. They were aware of my problems at school. Every day they listened to my fears and concerns, and reassured me that I was a special person and the taunts meant nothing with regard to who I really was. They cried with me, held me and listened to every word I said. They encouraged me to become my own person and to never let anyone tell me who I was or was not.
I'm saddened when I hear about young outcasts who can't cope being driven over the edge. These lives are cut short because nobody intervened when they saw what was happening. I wish I could tell them how important they are and what possibilities life has in store for them. I know what that would mean to them because I know what it meant to me.
Every day I thank God for giving me such wonderful parents. They understood and didn't ignore the fact that their son was in pain.
It took years of struggle to get past those horrible experiences in school, but I finally accomplished it. Today I am a successful, well-adjusted human being. My only regret is that I have no fond memories of high school.
Abby, until we recognize the true impact of teasing in our schools, this situation will continue to occur. Please ask your readers -- parents, teachers and even students -- to be sensitive to that young person who needs support through troubling times. They might save someone's life -- perhaps even their own. -- FORMER OUTCAST, WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR FORMER OUTCAST: I applaud you for having survived your devastating teen-age years, and for so successfully overcoming the systematic trauma you experienced. While it may appear to be a bloodless crime, people who destroy the self-esteem of others with cruelty and ridicule are really committing a violent crime. To ignore it or tolerate it is to aid and abet it.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Officer's Call for Help Is Answered With Laughter
DEAR ABBY: Here's my "Locked in the Loo" story: As a police officer patrolling the streets, I sometimes had to use public restrooms. On one occasion, I went to a friend's business to attend to the call of nature. To get to the restroom, I had to walk through the showroom, office area, warehouse and garage. When I tried to leave the restroom, the door wouldn't open.
I didn't have the luxury of having a window through which to escape. I yelled and banged on the door, but got no response. Having no other choice, I used my portable police radio to ask the dispatcher to call the business and inform them of my plight. There was no immediate response from the dispatcher. When he did respond, I heard loud laughter in the background.
I knew immediately when my friend at the store received the phone call because I could hear howls of laughter coming from the showroom.
This happened more than 20 years ago. I'm sure that when the citizens of that fine city read this in your column, they will have another good laugh since everyone who had a police monitor heard my plea. You may use my name. -- JAMES A. OEHMKE, RETIRED TOLEDO POLICE OFFICER
DEAR JAMES: When I read your letter aloud, howls of laughter echoed throughout my office. Interesting, isn't it, how funny a predicament can be when it's happening to someone else.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 19 years. We have one daughter in college and three at home, ages 17, 15 and 11. We went to therapy because I was unhappy. The therapist said my wife was not allowing any of us space, including me. My wife was making all the decisions -- which included having the kids believe in the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny.
My wife doesn't like one suggestion the therapist made. I believe it could work well. The therapist said we should have one weekend a month free. From Friday at 6 p.m. to midnight Sunday (54 hours), I take care of the kids and house, and my wife can do whatever she wants with the time and $120. I get the same on my weekend. The other two weekends are for the family, and the children choose alternating activities from my wife's list or mine.
On my weekend I go away fishing, camping, hiking or whatever. This is what my wife hates. Abby, I need the time alone, undisturbed, and have felt much better since I started doing it. I also enjoy having the kids alone without my wife constantly interrupting or contradicting me.
My wife will sometimes stay around the house on her "alone" weekend and try to interfere even though she's not even supposed to have dinner with us or be involved in any way when it's my weekend with the kids.
How can I get her to understand how much this means to me? How can I get her to get a life? She hates camping and fishing. Please answer soon because she's driving me and the kids crazy on my weekend with them. -- NEEDS TIME OUT IN SACRAMENTO
DEAR NEEDS TIME OUT: Your wife already understands how much your separate time means to you -- and she finds that threatening. What's sad is that the harder she clings and tries to control, the more uncomfortable she's making you and the further she's driving you away.
Some individual counseling to resolve her insecurity would be helpful. If she refuses, I see difficult times ahead.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Rudeness at Checkout Occurs on Both Sides of the Counter
DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Cashier With a Mission" was morally correct, since the person should not shortchange customers who talk on cell phones by "forgetting" to put items into their bag or "accidentally" charging them twice.
My problem was a little different. I recently brought some items to the register in a bath and beauty shop at the mall. The girl behind the counter was using her cell phone. It was obviously a personal call. She rang up the items, took my money, bagged the merchandise and did not even bother to thank me, chatting on her cell phone all the while. As a matter of fact, she didn't even look at me.
What I'm trying to say is, people should be polite to people no matter on which side of the counter they're standing. -- "CORAL" IN BOYNTON BEACH, FLA.
DEAR CORAL: Of course civility is a two-way street. You would have done both yourself and the manager a favor had you politely pointed out that the store needs to upgrade its customer service. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am a checker in a grocery store, and I, too, am irritated by cell phone users at the check stand. It is the ultimate rudeness to be oblivious to those of us who are there to serve. Many cell phone users don't even give me the courtesy of making eye contact. I would never treat them with such disrespect. What has happened to common courtesy? Sign me ... CAN'T WAIT TO RETIRE
DEAR CAN'T WAIT: Some people are under extreme time pressure. Others are having a bad day. And, sad to say, still others were never taught to respect the feelings of others. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The cashier who overcharged or omitted an item purchased by a customer was guilty of both theft and dishonesty. The root of her anger seems to be lack of power and lack of managerial directive and support. Since it has happened more than once, she should request that the manager formulate a policy to handle such rudeness.
People in customer service have personal power, and they can be polite when using it. That cashier could handle the situation differently: (1) Smile. (2) Carefully push aside the items for purchase, and (3) say courteously, "I'll take care of the next customer while you complete your call."
Even with no "next customer," she can rearrange merchandise or leave the area for 60 seconds to relieve her stress. -- JERRY M., SEQUIM, WASH.
DEAR JERRY: That's certainly a more positive way to handle a difficult situation than to engage in petty larceny in an attempt to retaliate for the customer's rudeness. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have been a checker for 10 years. We receive a great deal of abuse from the public. I have been spat at, cursed, even had items thrown at me.
Today I waited on more than 200 people. After reading your column, I counted the cell phone users. There were 47, and all of them gave me the same rude treatment described in the letter. Since the popularization of cell phones, there has been a decline in manners. -- STEWED IN SAVANNAH
DEAR STEWED: You have my sympathy. Were I standing in your shoes and received the kind of abuse you described, I would call the manager and have him or her handle the customer who is obviously out of control.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)