DEAR ABBY: I just turned 21 and am about to graduate from college. I've been dating "Monroe," a wonderful guy who treats me like a queen. We laugh together and have a great time, and he seems to really respect me.
My family adores Monroe. So does everyone else who knows him. My problem is that I'm just not head-over-heels in love with him, and I can't figure out why.
Actually, I've been interested in another guy, "Ruben," for more than two years, but we've always been just friends. Last night I found the nerve to level with Ruben about how I feel. (He has a girlfriend, but I don't care.)
Ruben said he's always been interested in me, too, but since we're both dating other people, it's really not an option. In fact, he came right out and said he's happy with his girlfriend right now. I'm still crazy about him, but I guess that's a bad idea since he has a girlfriend.
What should I do, Abby? Stick with Monroe (Mr. Wonderful) and pray I'll fall in love with him, or wait it out for Ruben (Mr. Dream Man)? -- TOTALLY CONFUSED
DEAR CONFUSED: Monroe may be "Mr. Wonderful," but he's not the one for you. Rather than trying to force yourself to fall in love with him, the honorable thing would be to level with him so he can find a girl who can love him without reservation.
If Ruben was seriously interested in you, he wouldn't be telling you how happy he is with his girlfriend -- so don't hold your breath waiting for him to come around.
The smartest thing you could do is to get back into circulation, because you haven't met "Mr. Right" yet.
DEAR ABBY: One night I was in a hotel room and browsing through a magazine. In it was an article about Finch College for Women in New York City. The school is no longer in existence, but I believe their maxims are timeless. If you agree, perhaps you will share them with your readers. -- ABBY FAN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FAN: I do agree. They are thought-provoking and certainly worth sharing -- even though the Finch may have flown:
FINCH SCHOOL MAXIMS
(1) Believing in people usually brings out the best in them.
(2) There is always another side; suspend judgment.
(3) There is always a solution to every problem. Do not waste time on self-pity.
(4) Be considerate. Your actions affect others, and other people's feelings are just like your own.
(5) Be kind. Remember that other people are as intuitive as you are, and judge you just as you do them.
(6) Be sincere. In the long run everyone will find you out and judge you by your true self and not by your pretensions.
(7) Snobbishness of any kind is a sign of limitation.
(8) Remember that recreation must be to re-create for work.
(9) Remember that you must be worthy and capable of love to be able to give or to keep it.
(10) Remember that you have a soul just as you have a body and a social self. Do not starve it.
CONFIDENTIAL TO ROSE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy birthday to our beloved matriarch -- the dearest grandmother anyone could wish for. -- JEANNE
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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