DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law and close friend of 20 years died of breast cancer two months ago. "Jane" was only 43. Her husband, "Brad," seemed loving and supportive until the end. Since then, however, his behavior has changed dramatically.
Jane died on Tuesday. The following Sunday, Jane's daughter called and said Brad was getting rid of Jane's clothes and asked if we wanted any of them. The following Thursday, Brad had a vasectomy. Two weeks after that, he brought his new 25-year-old girlfriend over to "meet the family"!
Abby, in the weeks since the funeral, Brad has been out on the town doing all the things Jane could never get him to do in the 20 years they were married. He and his girlfriend dine out in nice restaurants, go to ball games, you name it.
Brad acts like he's glad to be rid of Jane and all of her things. We are all appalled by his behavior. We are still grieving over Jane's death. We will never accept this woman into our lives. We realize that life goes on, but how soon is too soon? -- BOILING MAD OVER BRAD
DEAR BOILING MAD: There is no timetable for grief when the deceased died from a lingering illness. Hold on to the fact that Brad was a loving and supportive husband to Jane until the end -- when it counted. Try to be supportive. Brad may be assuaging his depression with this rebound romance, and it may not last. Try not to judge him harshly; the truth is, nobody knows what any marriage is like behind closed doors.