Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 ($9 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Firefighter's Wife Suspects Husband of Blowing Smoke
DEAR ABBY: My husband, a paid firefighter who teaches fire-fighting classes, invited one of his young female students, whom he says has the utmost respect for him, to room with him at a seminar they attended out of town.
He didn't tell me about his plans, but I suspected it when he told me not to expect a phone call from him that night as it would be a late class, etc. I called the hotel and there was no reservation in her name.
When I came right out and asked him if she stayed with him, he admitted it. He swore she simply slept in the other bed after having too many drinks with the gang and "couldn't drive home."
Abby, she is 22 years his junior. Is it possible that this could be innocent? Is this considered acceptable? -- TORN IN KANSAS
DEAR TORN: It's possible the situation was innocent -- but not probable. Where there's smoke, there's fire.
Your husband's behavior was extremely inappropriate -- neither acceptable nor wise. Teachers with seniority are assumed to have more "power" in relationships than young, impressionable students. Students may be afraid to say no -- particularly if they have "utmost respect" for the person making the proposition.
DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law passed away a few months ago. He and my mother-in-law would have celebrated their 50th anniversary next month. My husband and I are not sure what to do. Do we send a card? Do we send a gift -- or should we just ignore it?
Thank you for any suggestions. -- L.D. IN LAKE WACCAMAW, N.C.
DEAR L.D.: Do not ignore your mother-in-law on the day that would have been her 50th anniversary. Send a thinking-of-you card and tell her you know this will be a sad day for her, but you want her to know you remember and are thinking of her with love.
Widows have often expressed the pain of being ignored on an anniversary following the death of a spouse. When no one mentions the special day, it's as though the marriage never happened. Although the spouse is not there to celebrate, it's still the widow/widower's anniversary of a very important day.
If you live near your mother-in-law, call her early in the day and invite her to dinner to talk about the happy times in her marriage. She'll appreciate it. Trust me.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl, and I'm afraid I've dug my own grave. My older sister, "Celeste," had a baby three months ago. Yesterday, she and her boyfriend got into a fight, and I saw him hit her. Celeste assured me she was going to tell our father, but I know she won't.
This morning, our stepmom manipulated me into telling her what happened. I'm afraid of what Celeste will do when she finds out I told she was hit. I'm afraid she and her boyfriend will forbid me from seeing my new niece.
What should I do, Abby? -- TEEN-AGE AUNT IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TEEN-AGE AUNT: You did nothing wrong. Tell your sister you love her and can't tolerate the thought that she would be hit again. When physical abuse is not reported, it only gets worse. By reporting the abuse, you are protecting your sister and niece. I commend you for doing the right thing.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
DEAR ABBY: Last night, my wife and I attended a potluck dinner. It was held in an older home that had recently been moved on a truck from its original location.
During the evening, I had to use the bathroom. The door opened inward, and I pushed it closed from the inside. When I was ready to leave, I realized the door knob was missing. I pulled on the towel rack attached to the back of the door, but it came off in my hand. The door was firmly stuck in its frame, and there was no way to open it.
I unlatched the window. Unlike the door, it was loose in its frame and wouldn't stay up. I used the towel rack to prop it open while I climbed out. Unfortunately, as I was making my escape, my foot caught on the towel rack. The window came crashing down. It shattered, attracting the attention of everyone there.
My wife says the proper thing to do would have been to bang on the bathroom door and wait for someone to let me out. Abby, I am a professional man and to do that would have been undignified.
My wife says I should pay to replace the broken window. I think they are lucky I didn't sprain my ankle when I jumped out.
What is the correct protocol for dealing with this type of unexpected social situation? -- LOCKED IN THE LOO
DEAR LOCKED: When someone is locked in a confined space -- professional or not -- dignity flies out the door and sometimes claustrophobia sets in. It could have been a long time before someone heard you or you were missed.
Your wife is right that you should have pounded on the door so someone had the option of letting you out of the bathroom. You are fortunate that the only injury you suffered was to your pride. Now, be a gentleman and write your hosts a check to cover the damage.
DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Stacey in St. Petersburg," the Jewish woman who wants to include the breaking of the glass in her nontraditional wedding ceremony, but whose mother feels it wouldn't be appropriate.
I am Catholic; my husband is Jewish. For our interfaith wedding, we took traditions from each faith and incorporated them into the ceremony. Both a priest and a cantor officiated, and our vows were made under the chuppah.
My husband said his vows in Hebrew, and I said mine in English. At the end, my husband broke the glass. The cantor chose not to attribute a religious meaning to the tradition. He said, "May your marriage and love last as long as it takes to put all the pieces of the glass back together." Both mothers lit the unity candle.
It was a beautiful ceremony, and three years later, we still receive compliments from guests of both faiths.
"Stacey" should include any tradition she wants in their ceremony. Her mother should not stand on propriety, but instead be pleased that her daughter wants to incorporate the breaking of the glass in the ceremony. -- HAPPY INTERFAITH COUPLE IN ARIZONA
DEAR HAPPY COUPLE: As long as there is no objection by the clergy performing the ceremony, I see no reason why the bride shouldn't include any tradition that's meaningful to her.
P.S. The cantor at your wedding was sensitive and wise.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Summertime Boating Is Easy if Good Judgment Prevails
DEAR ABBY: Summertime is here. That means about 17 million boats are hitting the water. Boating is a terrific family activity. It promotes bonding among generations, teaches kids independence and resourcefulness, and for many becomes an activity that can be enjoyed for a lifetime. It is also one of the fastest-growing outdoor recreations in America.
The National Marine Manufacturers Association (NMMA) represents 80 percent of the recreational boat manufacturers in North America. While new safety advancements are continuously being developed within the industry, nothing can replace common sense and good judgment on the part of boaters. Just as you wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car without driver's education, no one should take the helm of a boat without boating education.
I hope you find these safety guidelines important and share them with your readers:
BOAT OWNERS:
(1) Make sure your boat is in good running condition -- including fuel, electrical and engine systems.
(2) Check the weather forecast before you head out.
(3) Know and watch your boat's passenger capacity.
(4) Maintain enough life jackets and personal flotation devices (and the right sizes) for everyone on board. Make sure everyone wears them.
(5) Understand and follow federal and local boating rules and regulations. (The U.S. Coast Guard offers refresher courses.)
(6) Don't drink and drive, and don't allow anyone who has been drinking to drive your boat.
(7) Be courteous of other boats and personal watercraft.
PASSENGERS:
(1) Wear a life jacket that fits properly and make sure your children do, too.
(2) Listen to and respect the captain of the boat.
(3) Do not distract the driver or allow your children to do so.
(4) Do not insist that boat owners let you drive -- especially if you have been drinking.
Boating is safer every year, and we look forward to an even safer boating season this year. Anchors aweigh! -- THOM DAMMRICH, PRESIDENT, NMMA
DEAR THOM: Your safety guidelines are important and should be taken to heart by anyone who owns a boat or sets foot on one. Readers, that was the captain speaking -- listen up!
DEAR ABBY: I witnessed a theft and told a teacher, who promptly informed the cops. I feel terrible about it -- like I've betrayed the friend who did it. What should I do? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA
DEAR WONDERING: First, forgive yourself. You did the right thing. While your friend may not appreciate it right now, you may have saved that person from a life of crime. Birds of a feather flock together, so the second thing you should do is find another friend who's less troubled than the first.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)