Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
DEAR ABBY: Last night, my wife and I attended a potluck dinner. It was held in an older home that had recently been moved on a truck from its original location.
During the evening, I had to use the bathroom. The door opened inward, and I pushed it closed from the inside. When I was ready to leave, I realized the door knob was missing. I pulled on the towel rack attached to the back of the door, but it came off in my hand. The door was firmly stuck in its frame, and there was no way to open it.
I unlatched the window. Unlike the door, it was loose in its frame and wouldn't stay up. I used the towel rack to prop it open while I climbed out. Unfortunately, as I was making my escape, my foot caught on the towel rack. The window came crashing down. It shattered, attracting the attention of everyone there.
My wife says the proper thing to do would have been to bang on the bathroom door and wait for someone to let me out. Abby, I am a professional man and to do that would have been undignified.
My wife says I should pay to replace the broken window. I think they are lucky I didn't sprain my ankle when I jumped out.
What is the correct protocol for dealing with this type of unexpected social situation? -- LOCKED IN THE LOO
DEAR LOCKED: When someone is locked in a confined space -- professional or not -- dignity flies out the door and sometimes claustrophobia sets in. It could have been a long time before someone heard you or you were missed.
Your wife is right that you should have pounded on the door so someone had the option of letting you out of the bathroom. You are fortunate that the only injury you suffered was to your pride. Now, be a gentleman and write your hosts a check to cover the damage.
DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Stacey in St. Petersburg," the Jewish woman who wants to include the breaking of the glass in her nontraditional wedding ceremony, but whose mother feels it wouldn't be appropriate.
I am Catholic; my husband is Jewish. For our interfaith wedding, we took traditions from each faith and incorporated them into the ceremony. Both a priest and a cantor officiated, and our vows were made under the chuppah.
My husband said his vows in Hebrew, and I said mine in English. At the end, my husband broke the glass. The cantor chose not to attribute a religious meaning to the tradition. He said, "May your marriage and love last as long as it takes to put all the pieces of the glass back together." Both mothers lit the unity candle.
It was a beautiful ceremony, and three years later, we still receive compliments from guests of both faiths.
"Stacey" should include any tradition she wants in their ceremony. Her mother should not stand on propriety, but instead be pleased that her daughter wants to incorporate the breaking of the glass in the ceremony. -- HAPPY INTERFAITH COUPLE IN ARIZONA
DEAR HAPPY COUPLE: As long as there is no objection by the clergy performing the ceremony, I see no reason why the bride shouldn't include any tradition that's meaningful to her.
P.S. The cantor at your wedding was sensitive and wise.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Summertime Boating Is Easy if Good Judgment Prevails
DEAR ABBY: Summertime is here. That means about 17 million boats are hitting the water. Boating is a terrific family activity. It promotes bonding among generations, teaches kids independence and resourcefulness, and for many becomes an activity that can be enjoyed for a lifetime. It is also one of the fastest-growing outdoor recreations in America.
The National Marine Manufacturers Association (NMMA) represents 80 percent of the recreational boat manufacturers in North America. While new safety advancements are continuously being developed within the industry, nothing can replace common sense and good judgment on the part of boaters. Just as you wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car without driver's education, no one should take the helm of a boat without boating education.
I hope you find these safety guidelines important and share them with your readers:
BOAT OWNERS:
(1) Make sure your boat is in good running condition -- including fuel, electrical and engine systems.
(2) Check the weather forecast before you head out.
(3) Know and watch your boat's passenger capacity.
(4) Maintain enough life jackets and personal flotation devices (and the right sizes) for everyone on board. Make sure everyone wears them.
(5) Understand and follow federal and local boating rules and regulations. (The U.S. Coast Guard offers refresher courses.)
(6) Don't drink and drive, and don't allow anyone who has been drinking to drive your boat.
(7) Be courteous of other boats and personal watercraft.
PASSENGERS:
(1) Wear a life jacket that fits properly and make sure your children do, too.
(2) Listen to and respect the captain of the boat.
(3) Do not distract the driver or allow your children to do so.
(4) Do not insist that boat owners let you drive -- especially if you have been drinking.
Boating is safer every year, and we look forward to an even safer boating season this year. Anchors aweigh! -- THOM DAMMRICH, PRESIDENT, NMMA
DEAR THOM: Your safety guidelines are important and should be taken to heart by anyone who owns a boat or sets foot on one. Readers, that was the captain speaking -- listen up!
DEAR ABBY: I witnessed a theft and told a teacher, who promptly informed the cops. I feel terrible about it -- like I've betrayed the friend who did it. What should I do? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA
DEAR WONDERING: First, forgive yourself. You did the right thing. While your friend may not appreciate it right now, you may have saved that person from a life of crime. Birds of a feather flock together, so the second thing you should do is find another friend who's less troubled than the first.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Sister's Request for Sperm Puts Strain on Brotherly Love
DEAR ABBY: My husband (I'll call him Rod) has asked me to solicit your opinion about a touchy family problem. Here goes:
My sister-in-law, "Sandy," moved to New York to get away from a difficult lesbian relationship. She is now involved with another woman. They have been together for about a year.
Sandy has asked Rod -- her only brother -- for a huge favor. She wants him to be a sperm donor for her new partner because they want a child with "family genes." I oppose the idea, to put it mildly.
Abby, Sandy has a history of instability. Most of her relationships are short-lived, and I don't believe this one will last either. Sandy told Rod not to discuss the matter with me, but of course he did. He feels trapped. This drama has been going on since March. She's demanding an answer by the end of July. Please help. -- DESPERATE FOR DIRECTION
DEAR DESPERATE: Should the relationship between your sister-in-law and her partner fall apart, your husband would worry about the child's well-being.
Since you and Rod are both uncomfortable with the idea of his being a sperm donor, he should "just say no" to increasing the family gene pool.
DEAR ABBY: May I offer a new clause to the "Safety Contract for a New Driver" that appeared in your column? It would read: "I promise not to use a cellular phone while driving."
As I write this, my granddaughter is in bed recovering from an automobile accident that occurred because she was on the car phone with her boyfriend. To prevent such a thing from happening again, a law to stop people from talking on the phone while driving can't come soon enough.
I used to be in outside sales and carried a cellular phone in my car for business. However, when I used it, I always pulled over to the side of the road so I could give my customer my undivided attention. People who think they can drive and talk on the phone at the same time are only kidding themselves. They'd be shocked if they could follow themselves on the road and see how much they are NOT paying attention. -- TWO HANDS ON THE WHEEL
DEAR TWO HANDS: I agree. But the mobile phone lobby is very powerful, and until our legislators realize they are facing an alarmed and angry voting bloc if they don't pass laws prohibiting drivers on cell phones, nothing will change.
DEAR ABBY: Like "Cathy in Coral Gables, Fla.," I am 15 and having my first serious relationship with a boyfriend. I'll call him "Lamar." I used to call Lamar at least 10 times a day and go to his house every day. Like "Cathy," I finally got the impression that his family didn't want me calling that many times or visiting every day. So, do you know what I did, Abby? I cut back. I now call Lamar only five times a day and visit every other day.
Ever since I cut back, Lamar and I have grown closer. Now I am not only in love with him, but I'm in love with his whole family -- and I think they love me, too. -- CUT BACK IN MISSOURI
DEAR CUT BACK: Smart girl. Now, consider how much they'll love you if you call only three times a day -- and drop by no more than twice a week. They may even adopt you!
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)