DEAR ABBY: Ever since I walked into our bedroom and found my wife, "Janice," naked with a naked man, my relations with her have been -- at the least -- strained. I have tried to be more in touch with her needs, but we have not made love for more than a year.
My wife is defensive and has brandished your column on "signs of abuse." Many of the points you make she has been guilty of herself, yet she blames me for these behaviors. I have been to counseling, and Janice joined me a couple of times, but she refused to go back because the counselor upset her. We have two beautiful girls whom we both want to raise -- I think. I still love my wife and want to be her best friend again.
I'm ready to forgive and move on with my life, and I want it to be with my wife. If not, I'll take care of my girls. How can I persuade Janice to return to counseling? We need it. -- TORN IN TENNESSEE
DEAR TORN: You can't. The person who must be willing to admit that counseling is needed to save what's left of your marriage is your wife. Until the subject of her infidelity can be put to bed -- no pun intended -- it will remain the elephant in the living room and nothing will heal your relationship.