Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Parents Pledge to Let Children in Sports Take Back the Field
DEAR ABBY: Youth sporting events are supposed to be fun. Unfortunately, many parents and fans of amateur sports don't realize that their actions, whether verbal or nonverbal, have a lasting, emotional effect on children.
The National Youth Sports Safety Foundation (NYSSF) is aware of the harmful effects of emotional abuse on children in sports and has come up with a Code of Conduct. It is available on our Web site: www.nyssf.org. Abby, would you please print it so every parent and coach in the country will see it? -- MICHELLE KLEIN, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, NYSSF
DEAR MICHELLE: I'm pleased to share your Code of Conduct with my readers. Speaking as someone who's old enough to remember when youth sports were supposed to be fun for the kids instead of emotional outlets for their parents, I hope the code will be taken to heart. Read on:
CODE OF CONDUCT FOR CHILDREN'S SPORTING EVENTS
(1) I will not force my child to participate in sports.
(2) I will remember that children participate to have fun, and that the game is for youth, not adults.
(3) I will inform the coach of any physical disability or ailment that may affect the safety of my child or the safety of others.
(4) I will learn the rules of the game and the policies of the league.
(5) I (and my guests) will be positive role models for my child, and encourage sportsmanship by showing respect and courtesy -- and by demonstrating positive support for all players, coaches, officials and spectators at every game, practice or other sporting event.
(6) I (and my guests) will not engage in any unsportsmanlike conduct with any official, coach, player or parent, such as booing and taunting, refusing to shake hands, or using profane language or gestures.
(7) I will not encourage any behaviors or practices that would endanger the health and well-being of the athletes.
(8) I will teach my child to play by the rules and to resolve conflicts without resorting to hostility or violence.
(9) I will demand that my child treat other players, coaches, officials and spectators with respect regardless of race, creed, color, sex or ability.
(10) I will teach my child that doing one's best is more important than winning, so that my child will never feel defeated by the outcome of a game or his/her performance.
(11) I will praise my child for competing fairly and trying hard, and make my child feel like a winner every time.
(12) I will never ridicule or yell at my child or other participant for making a mistake or losing a competition.
(13) I will emphasize skill development and practices, and how they benefit my child, over winning. I will also de-emphasize games and competition in the lower age groups.
(14) I will promote the emotional and physical well-being of the athletes ahead of any personal desire I may have for my child to win.
(15) I will respect the officials and their authority during games and will never question, discuss or confront coaches at the game field, and will take time to speak with coaches at an agreed-upon time and place.
(16) I will demand a sports environment for my child that is free from drugs, tobacco and alcohol, and I will refrain from their use at all sports events.
(17) I will refrain from coaching my child or other players during games and practices unless I am an official coach.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Prescription for Happy Father's Day: Get Annual Physical Exam
DEAR ABBY: It has taken me years to be able to write this letter. With Father's Day approaching, I can't put it off any longer.
This is the 10th year I will avoid greeting card stores, full-page ads for Father's Day specials, and any other reference to Father's Day.
My beloved father was buried the day before Father's Day in 1991. His surgery to repair damage from a heart attack was unsuccessful. He had seen the doctor the week before, complaining of chest pains. After a short exam, he was given a prescription for an antacid and advised to return in two weeks if the problem persisted. He didn't survive two weeks.
We were stunned that this active, vital man could, without his knowledge, have a heart problem so severe that it proved to be fatal. After the funeral I did some research.
The most startling statistic I discovered is 225,000 people die unexpectedly each year from heart attacks. One cardiologist told me, "Sometimes the first symptom is that the patient is dead."
Abby, this figure accounts for one-fourth of all heart disease-related deaths in this country. Had my father been properly diagnosed, in all probability he could have received treatment to prevent his heart attack. As it turned out, his heart was so badly damaged, he was unable to withstand the surgery to try to save his life.
Abby, please urge your readers to insist that their loved ones see a doctor regularly for a complete physical examination -- especially if there's a history of heart disease or other high-risk factors in their family.
If one father takes my advice and spares his children the pain of a fatherless Father's Day, my wonderful father's death will not have been without meaning. -- MISSING DAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR MISSING DAD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. While I can urge readers to schedule annual physicals, it is eloquent letters like yours that often give them the added "push" they need to safeguard their health. If they won't do it for themselves, sometimes they'll do it for the peace of mind of their families.
I'm sorry you're still suffering so much pain. Perhaps it will help you to take a moment on Father's Day to remember some of the special times you shared with him. I can't imagine a finer tribute.
DEAR ABBY: This morning while I was waiting for some repair work to be done on my car, I read with interest the letters in your column about the symbolism of finding one or more pennies.
When the repairs were finished, I went out to my car, opened the car door, and guess what was sitting in the middle of my driver's seat? A bright, shiny 2001 penny! I wonder if my father (who has been deceased for 12 years) was sending me a message. -- DAVE BROWN, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.
DEAR DAVE: I don't know what your mechanic charges, but your dad may have thought you needed the money.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
GIRL WITH EATING DISORDER TELLS TEENS TO REACH OUT FOR HELP
DEAR ABBY: Your column about teen fitness caught my attention. I am a high school sophomore who is involved in sports activities such as swimming, track/cross country and kickboxing. I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia since my freshman year. It's a serious problem that society needs to address.
My purpose in writing is to thank you and Terrie, the woman whose letter you printed. It meant the world to me, and I'm sure it did to hundreds of other teens. Just knowing someone cared brought tears to my eyes.
If I could offer advice to teens suffering from this disease, it would be this: GET HELP. You are living in a dark, cold world that you shouldn't have to be in. If you can't talk to your parents, then reach out to someone else -- a teacher or school counselor. They're there to help.
Also, don't give up. When things seem at their worst, they can only get better. It helps to remember that there really are people who care and that you're not alone.
After coming to terms with my problem, I went to my mother, who put me into counseling right away. I was also taken to a nutritionist to learn about how to eat healthy. Only then did my recovery begin.
Thank you, Abby. Your column will be displayed in my room for a long time. It's given me strength to get through this. -- NEW JERSEY TEEN ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
DEAR N.J. TEEN: I'm pleased you're recovering. Your letter is sure to raise awareness among other teen-agers. That's important, because our culture -- with help from the media -- tends to glamorize extreme thinness. It's a dangerous goal.
According to the Department of Health and Human Services, one-third of all girls in grades 9 through 12 think that they are overweight, and 60 percent of them say they are trying to lose weight. Nearly half of all teen-age girls skip a meal to control their weight -- and between 3.6 percent and 12.9 percent of young women suffer from one of the three main eating disorders: anorexia nervosa, bulimia or binge-eating. Of all psychiatric disorders, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate -- 10 percent.
Starving is not a proper or effective way to lose weight. Teens who fail to get enough vitamins and minerals in their diet are setting themselves up for osteoporosis in their later years. The most effective way to practice sensible weight control is to talk to your physician or a registered dietitian about what constitutes a healthy, balanced diet; to realize that weight is not put on overnight and it's not lost overnight; and to establish a routine that includes moderate physical activity.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "MAD AT HIS MOM IN PITTSBURGH": "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." (Submitted by David Broome)
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)