DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the letter you printed from the woman whose mother wants to celebrate her 50th anniversary surrounded by family and friends, even though her husband has been dead five years.
You stated that she hadn't properly dealt with the death of her husband and could be in a stage of dementia. You advised a medical and psychological evaluation at the time of her next annual physical –- if not sooner.
Well, Abby, I personally think the mother's idea is wonderful! Why anyone would condemn her idea and say it would look foolish is beyond me. It's romantic and wonderful that this woman wants to celebrate a lifetime of love and memories -– after all, that's what anniversaries are all about.
Yes, it's sad that her husband will not be there in body. But it seems to me that Mom's intent is that he be there in spirit. Placing a photograph at his place setting to honor his memory is not exactly saying she expects him to walk in, sit down and dine. A family portrait that includes Mom holding his picture is hardly something to get hot and bothered over, either. I think it's a thoughtful way of saying her husband is still in her heart and memory.
Abby, I'm sure that woman is well aware that her husband is dead. She probably cared for him while he was dying, and now lives every day in an empty house surrounded by memories of their life together. I see no crime in wanting to share this memory with family and friends. For you to say the mother may be suffering from dementia because of this is insulting.
In my opinion, the family and friends should be more supportive. Perhaps her 50th anniversary celebration is a last-ditch effort to get those around her to acknowledge her husband's life instead of dwelling on the tragedy of his death. -- MOURNING FOR MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR MOURNING: Your letter is not the only one I received from readers who disagreed with my answer. And you could be right. Perhaps I analyzed the letter too much with my head and not enough with my heart. After all, by marking what would have been her 50th anniversary with a celebration of her marriage, she would be hurting no one. And if it brings her comfort -- why not?