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Daughter Won't Fold Her Tent Over Interest in Camp Caretaker
DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman living in my parents' home. We have a male friend, 10 years older than I am, who is the caretaker of a campground we visit during the summer.
Last fall he invited me to visit with him at the campground. When I told my mother about my weekend plans, she seemed OK with it at first. The next morning, she told me she and my father had discussed it and didn't think it was appropriate for me to go there alone because he lives by himself in a secluded area. She felt we don't know him well enough, and we couldn't be sure what he was thinking.
I did go to see him, but only for the day. Since January, I have been talking to him on the phone trying to get to know him better. I think he's trustworthy. I'm sure he has strong moral values and religious beliefs. He has always shown respect for my parents and me.
He has invited me to visit again. When I mentioned it, my mother said she would be more comfortable with the idea if my younger brother and his girlfriend chaperoned me.
Abby, I think I can trust him. I'm quite sure I can handle myself. But Mother would rather I drive six hours round-trip in one day instead of spending the night in his guest house.
I would like to explore this relationship a little further -- I think something good could come of it. How can I cut the umbilical cord without causing a fuss? If my mother doesn't let go, I may never find anyone she feels is good enough for me. -- WANTS FREEDOM FROM THE APRON STRINGS
DEAR WANTS FREEDOM: Accept the fact that at this late date you probably can't cut the apron strings without a fuss, so prepare yourself for one. Begin checking the classifieds for an apartment so you can live independently and enjoy the freedom that a woman your age should have. If you don't, you'll find yourself your parents' little girl at 50.
Inform your parents that you neither need nor want a chaperone, then visit your friend. At your age, you owe no explanations or apologies to anyone for doing so.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old divorced woman who works in a hospital. I am attracted to a doctor who is also divorced. I think he is attracted to me, too. Sometimes he comes into my department to do some of his paperwork. He sits by my desk and talks to me (and forgets to do his paperwork). My co-workers tease me, saying he comes into our office to flirt with me.
I have fallen for him. I look forward to running into him in the halls or in the cafeteria. We also work out at the same fitness center. If a day goes by that I don't see him, I feel an emptiness in my chest. The problem is, we are both shy. I am tempted to say something, but I don't know what to say -- and I don't want to make a fool of myself.
Abby, how can I know for sure that he's interested in me? Is there anything I can do? -- SHY AND IN LOVE IN LOUISIANA
DEAR SHY: To make a move at the hospital where the balance of power is unequal might be unwise. However, when you see him at the fitness center, ask the doc: What's up? -- and would he like to grab a bite or have coffee with you after you've finished your workout. Good luck.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for more than 40 years. My father's time was always tight because he had many responsibilities, but there was always lots of quality time. Instead of storybooks, he would read your column in the newspaper with me and my siblings. We loved answering the questions and then seeing if we agreed or disagreed with your answers.
Dad is gone now, and I miss him and need him. You could help to fill that void if you would reprint on Father's Day the beautiful poem, "I Had a Father Who Talked With Me," by Hilda Bigelow. It is a source of inspiration and guidance for active fathers. -- CHRIS KURTEK-MELCHIORRE, LOS ANGELES
DEAR CHRIS: That's a wonderful suggestion. The last time the poem appeared in my column was in 1993. Its author, who lives in Cocoa, Fla., described herself as "just a retired schoolteacher." I'm sure you'll agree that she's not only modest, but also an able writer. Read on:
I HAD A FATHER WHO TALKED TO ME
I had a father who talked with me --
Allowed me the right to disagree,
To question -- and always answered me,
As well he could -- and truthfully.
He talked of adventures; horrors of war;
Of life, its meaning; what love was for;
How each would always need to strive
To improve the world to keep it alive.
Stressed the duty we owe one another
To be aware each man is a brother.
Words for laughter he also spoke,
A silly song or a happy joke.
Time runs along, some say I'm wise,
That I look at life with seeing eyes.
My heart is happy, my mind is free,
I had a father who talked with me.
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from Victoria Rowell and Alonzo Mourning about foster children, I couldn't help but wipe away the tears. I never dreamed that so many children are in need of a caring adult's love and guidance.
You mentioned mentoring in your reply. I am very interested in mentoring a child. While I am unable to provide full-time care to a foster child, I know I could mentor one -- or even two. Where can I find information about doing this? How can I connect with a child who needs what I have to offer? -- WANTS TO HELP IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR WANTS TO HELP: Bless you for your caring heart. I know there must be many people who cannot be full-time foster parents, but who could manage a couple of days a month to bond with a child and provide the kind of encouragement that will enable the child to strive for success.
Mentoring doesn't have to be a big production; take a child to the zoo, a sporting event, an art gallery, into your home and into your heart. These are children who, through no fault of their own, often float from place to place. They have no adult figure to give them a continuity of caring. They need an adult they can trust and confide in, to steer them in the right direction, and rekindle the belief that success is possible and that goals are worth aspiring to.
Readers, those of you who would like to mentor a foster child should call 1-888-432-MENTor (1-888-432-6368), which is sponsored by "Children Uniting Nations," to locate a program in your local area. (Note: For the safety of the children, all applicants are rigorously screened.) If you qualify, I guarantee you'll receive more than you give when you see that child blossom.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I love the letters you print about acts of kindness and would like to share my story with you.
It was 1976, and my husband, two daughters and I drove our new truck to Colorado to visit relatives and buy some heavy equipment. After the truck was loaded up, my husband became very ill and had to go to the hospital. My oldest daughter and I had to return to California for our jobs. The doctor told us that when my husband was well enough to leave the hospital, he would have to fly home. So we left him in the hospital and headed home in his truck, which we had driven very little.
We were driving down the highway, and there were many 18-wheeler trucks along the way. We had a CB radio in the vehicle, which we left on. A truck driver asked us what the "Mother Bear and two Baby Bears" were doing driving all by themselves. He was helpful with information on traffic and weather, etc., which was a blessing because a storm was coming. When the first driver was ready to turn off in another direction, he sent word to another truck driver to watch over us! It was very comforting for us as we traveled.
Many times when I read about truck drivers, I remember the wonderful people we encountered on our trip home and wish we could have thanked them for their help. -- BEVERLY KRUEGER
DEAR BEVERLY: Consider it done. Truck driving is hard work that requires patience and total concentration for long stretches of time. The people who do it are a special breed, and my hat is off to them. You were fortunate that these "angels of the highway" took you under their wing.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband, "Monty," and I divorced six years ago after 20 years of marriage. Monty had a history of being unfaithful. Two years ago he married one of his girlfriends.
I hear through the grapevine that Monty is unhappy in his marriage. He appears to be going out of his way to "run" into me. When I see him he's friendly and acts like we're still together.
I never wanted a divorce, Abby, and the truth is –- I never stopped loving him. What do I do now? –- EX IN TEXAS
DEAR EX: The next time you run into Monty and he acts as if you're still together, remind him that you're not -– but you could be if he calls you when his divorce is final.
It remains to be seen whether the rumors on the grapevine are true. If they turn out to be true, and you really want a marriage with your former husband, make sure that you get to the root of the reason for his cheating and your breakup the first time around. Counseling would be a way to ensure it.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My boyfriend graduated from high school this year and soon will be leaving for college far away. I plan to visit him during school breaks and during the summer. I want us to become engaged and be married after I graduate next year.
Abby, how do I know that is the right thing –- that he is ready for marriage –- and that I will not get rejected? –- SCARED IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR SCARED: Curb your fear and don't pressure him. This is an opportunity for you both to grow as individuals. Neither of you should tie yourself down at this point in your lives.
Marriage requires stability, maturity and experience. The next few years are going to be important ones for both of you. If you push too hard for a commitment, he may resent you for it and pull away.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)