For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I love the letters you print about acts of kindness and would like to share my story with you.
It was 1976, and my husband, two daughters and I drove our new truck to Colorado to visit relatives and buy some heavy equipment. After the truck was loaded up, my husband became very ill and had to go to the hospital. My oldest daughter and I had to return to California for our jobs. The doctor told us that when my husband was well enough to leave the hospital, he would have to fly home. So we left him in the hospital and headed home in his truck, which we had driven very little.
We were driving down the highway, and there were many 18-wheeler trucks along the way. We had a CB radio in the vehicle, which we left on. A truck driver asked us what the "Mother Bear and two Baby Bears" were doing driving all by themselves. He was helpful with information on traffic and weather, etc., which was a blessing because a storm was coming. When the first driver was ready to turn off in another direction, he sent word to another truck driver to watch over us! It was very comforting for us as we traveled.
Many times when I read about truck drivers, I remember the wonderful people we encountered on our trip home and wish we could have thanked them for their help. -- BEVERLY KRUEGER
DEAR BEVERLY: Consider it done. Truck driving is hard work that requires patience and total concentration for long stretches of time. The people who do it are a special breed, and my hat is off to them. You were fortunate that these "angels of the highway" took you under their wing.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband, "Monty," and I divorced six years ago after 20 years of marriage. Monty had a history of being unfaithful. Two years ago he married one of his girlfriends.
I hear through the grapevine that Monty is unhappy in his marriage. He appears to be going out of his way to "run" into me. When I see him he's friendly and acts like we're still together.
I never wanted a divorce, Abby, and the truth is –- I never stopped loving him. What do I do now? –- EX IN TEXAS
DEAR EX: The next time you run into Monty and he acts as if you're still together, remind him that you're not -– but you could be if he calls you when his divorce is final.
It remains to be seen whether the rumors on the grapevine are true. If they turn out to be true, and you really want a marriage with your former husband, make sure that you get to the root of the reason for his cheating and your breakup the first time around. Counseling would be a way to ensure it.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My boyfriend graduated from high school this year and soon will be leaving for college far away. I plan to visit him during school breaks and during the summer. I want us to become engaged and be married after I graduate next year.
Abby, how do I know that is the right thing –- that he is ready for marriage –- and that I will not get rejected? –- SCARED IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR SCARED: Curb your fear and don't pressure him. This is an opportunity for you both to grow as individuals. Neither of you should tie yourself down at this point in your lives.
Marriage requires stability, maturity and experience. The next few years are going to be important ones for both of you. If you push too hard for a commitment, he may resent you for it and pull away.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
CALLERS TO PSYCHIC HOTLINES ARE ADVISED TO HANG IT UP
DEAR ABBY: I recently moved to Minneapolis from south Florida, where I had worked as a telephone psychic. The money was great. However, I now live in an area where I actually know my neighbors, and I feel very guilty about my previous line of work.
We "psychics" were really just saleswomen. We convinced callers that we knew something about their future. The callers were both men and women, and they really believed what we fed them. I feel doubly bad remembering how when business was slow, we laughed about the "pathetic losers" who were calling us. Some of them, I know, spent most of their daily wages on those phone calls.
I can't do anything to make up for my past sins, but please, Abby, warn callers of psychic hotlines that they are dealing with people with no more knowledge of the future than they themselves have -- probably less.
If they need someone to talk to, they should access the Internet. They'll be dealing with people just like us -- but it won't be nearly as costly. -– PAM THE SINNER, MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR P.T. SINNER: Those who call are not "pathetic losers"; the losers are those who take advantage of unsuspecting people searching for validation or encouragement.
I'm pleased you have turned over a new leaf. There's nothing like being inundated with good, solid Midwestern values to help a sinner see the error of her (or his) ways. There is plenty you can do to make up for your past sins. I have a terrific idea for you. Use your talent to save lives. Since you're good on the telephone, sign up for training and volunteer for a crisis hotline. The psychic rewards are phenomenal.
DEAR ABBY: I am enclosing a poem that I wrote for my father. With Father's Day approaching, you might like to share it with your readers. -– NATHAN HELLMAN, WHITESTONE, N.Y.
DEAR NATHAN: Your poem touched my heart, and I'm sure it will do the same with my readers as well. Read on:
DAD
They tell you to believe
In your teacher
In your doctor
In the president.
But for me
The one I always believed in
Was my dad.
He was always there for me.
With him in my corner,
I was invincible.
Now he's gone.
They tell me about all the good deeds he did.
But for me
His greatness
Isn't captured in words or deed.
It's found in what he meant to me
And how I felt
When he was around.
CONFIDENTIAL TO THE WIFE OF THE ABUSER IN FLORIDA: You have suffered enough. Make your plans and leave. Do not alert him beforehand. If he hasn't shaped up in more than 50 years, he's not likely to change now. I wish you the best of luck. You deserve it.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MOTHER-IN-LAW'S TALENT TAKES THE CAKE -- AND BAKES IT TOO
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "New Mom in Ohio," concerning whether she should allow her mother-in-law to decorate the cake for her child's first birthday, I fought back tears. I lost my beloved mother-in-law two years ago. How I wish she was still here to thrill us with her creative cakes.
Each year she would plan a theme cake for my husband, depicting the major events of the last year. The whole family waited and speculated on what the cake would be like. I was blessed to be part of the secret, and we would hunt for the perfect things to put on the cake. The fun we shared is something I will treasure forever.
When we are young, we think we have many years to share with our parents. Don't be fooled. Time goes by too fast to quibble over who bakes a cake! Join the fun, love this special person, and let her honor you and your family with her cakes for years to come. -– MISSING HER IN HURON, OHIO
DEAR MISSING HER: I agree, but not everyone did. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: While the mother-in-law may be great at baking, it's not how the cake looks but the joy a new mom gets to experience in making it. I'm sure the mother-in-law didn't ask her husband's mother to make hers when she first had children.
This mom wants to make her child's cake. No one should deny her that privilege. If her mother-in-law really cared about her, she would understand and not cause a problem. Recently I was watching some old videos with my daughters, now 12 and 8, and when my 12-year-old saw her first birthday cake, she thought it was so pretty she asked where I bought it. Even at 12, she was happy to know I cared enough to take the time to make it myself. Please tell "New Mom" there's nothing wrong with her making the cake and not to feel guilty. This is her time, not her mother-in-law's. -– LOVE BEING A MOM, JACKSON, TENN.
DEAR LOVE BEING A MOM: I know you speak for many young mothers. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have a compromise: In our circle we always let the babies have a cake of their own to dig into and make a huge mess on their first birthday. It's so much fun. Perhaps "New Mom" could make a smaller cake for the baby to dive into, and Grandma's cake can be for the guests to enjoy. Baby can pose for pictures with both, and everyone will be happy. A first birthday is very special for a new mom, so the more cakes, the merrier! -– DAWN IN RIVERSIDE, N.J.
DEAR DAWN: I like your style. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The first year we were married I took both of our families on a Saturday to a local ice cream parlor to celebrate my husband's birthday. On the day of his actual birthday, I made a cake and planned a dinner just for the two of us. Lo and behold, who comes knocking on our door but my in-laws with a cake my mother-in-law had baked. To make matters worse, my husband had a piece of her cake and none of mine. I was devastated and let him know it after they left.
Now we laugh about it and I say, "Anytime someone else wants to cook –- go for it!" Your advice was correct, Abby. There are more important things to agonize over. This too shall pass. –- NO LONGER A BRIDE IN MILWAUKEE
DEAR N.L.A. BRIDE: If there's anything I have learned from this series of letters, it's not the cake that's important, but what it symbolizes -– and it means different things to different people.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)