Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
LONELY TEEN-AGER CAN'T SEE HER LIFE WITHOUT EX-BOYFRIEND
DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old girl who has been with my boyfriend for two years. He recently broke up with me, and I'm devastated. He told me he did it because I deserve better, and he believes there's someone else out there who will make me happier. Those were his exact words.
Abby, he was everything to me -- my best friend, my lover. From the bottom of my heart, I know he was meant for me. He's the only man I can picture myself with.
I am really depressed. He doesn't even call anymore. How do I move on when I don't want to be without him? Please give me some advice. -- ALONE AND IN LOVE
DEAR ALONE: When a man (or woman) ends a relationship with the excuse that someone "deserves better," be grateful for the candor. He or she is probably right.
It's time to move on. Stop playing "your" song, put mementos out of sight and refuse to be a victim. Take a class, join a gym, spend time with your friends. Do not allow yourself the time to brood. Trust me, it works!
DEAR ABBY: My sister has three children, ages 7, 5 and 6 months. Her husband works nights and doesn't return home until morning.
In order to get some exercise, my sister walks in the morning. She leaves her kids alone in the house, and takes a baby monitor with her. She insists that she stays within sight of her house.
I don't want to tell my sister how to parent, but I feel this is a safety issue. She won't listen to her younger sister, but says she'll listen to you. Please, Abby, give her your opinion. -- CONCERNED SISTER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SISTER: I don't blame you for being concerned. Leaving children 7, 5 and 6 months old alone is negligence. If an emergency were to occur while she was away from the house, none of the children would be capable of dealing with it. The possibilities -- poisoning, choking, a fall -- are frightening.
Your sister needs to establish a weekly routine whereby someone can be there to tend her children while she de-stresses.
DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with your advice to "Lonely Husband in Oklahoma." You advised him to get a puppy for his stepdaughter so she would sleep in her own bed instead of her mother's bed.
Abby, a puppy is a lifelong commitment that should never be entered into as a solution for a family problem. Please don't recommend that a puppy be used as a kind of animated teddy bear. A puppy is a live animal that requires attention and care, and the girl is too young to take responsibility for that animal's emotional and physical welfare for the entire life of the dog.
When a child sleeps with a parent to the detriment of the parent's marriage, it is a red flag that the family dynamics are askew. Sometimes parents who are divorced or in a bad relationship use their children as a surrogate mate. Other times, children in a one-parent home feel powerful and secure sleeping with the parent and are loathe to surrender the power to a new husband they may perceive as an intruder. I recommend "Lonely Husband" and his wife get into a program of marriage counseling, and perhaps family counseling that includes the stepdaughter. -- SIDNEY LONG, NEWPORT, R.I.
DEAR SIDNEY: You are absolutely right. Mea culpa. (You're the cat's meow!)
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Pennies From Heaven Give Comfort to Many on Earth
DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Daughter of a Frugal Mom," who received a birthday card from her mother containing a penny. Two years ago my father passed away, leaving his wallet with six pennies inside. There are six children in our family, and the conclusion we reached was that he left one for each of us.
When she heard about it, our aunt (Dad's sister) presented us with the following: "I am like a penny. Not a bad one, a very bright one. Remember, I'll always turn up wherever you find a penny anywhere. In the years to come, you'll pick one up and say, 'There's Dad!' In time you'll have a thousand reminders of how much you're loved."
Abby, countless times since that day, we have been reminded in the most unusual and spontaneous ways that our dad is still very much a part of our lives. -- KEEPING PENNIES IN MINNESOTA
DEAR KEEPING: What a charming and comforting story. That letter generated a flurry of mail. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My grandfather told me that when an angel misses you, he or she will toss a penny down to tell you so. I believe it.
Right after the start of the new millennium, I unexpectedly lost my life partner, Greg, from acute pancreatitis. He started feeling poorly on Jan. 2 and died a week later -- 18 days before what would have been our 20th anniversary.
Greg's mother passed on only four months earlier. As he and his sister were sorting through her belongings, they were surprised to find some pennies in a very unlikely place. His sister recalled how years before, their father -- long deceased -- would sing "Pennies From Heaven," so they took it as a sign that both of their parents were watching over them.
During the days that Greg was dying, I kept finding pennies in strange places. Once, in the parking lot, I looked down at what I thought was a shiny bracelet. It was six newly minted pennies lying in a perfect row -- one for his sister, her husband, three children and myself. I found one in the hospital corridor the day he died. It was in the center of a key chain someone had twisted into the shape of a heart.
I continue to find pennies often -- especially when I'm feeling blue. So, maybe the mother of "Daughter of a Frugal Mom" had a premonition. -- TERRY IN GILBERT, ARIZ.
DEAR TERRY: Perhaps. Please accept my sympathy for the unexpected loss of your life partner. What a bittersweet story. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The writer who inquired about the meaning of a penny her mother sent her before she died may not have gotten it "for luck."
It seems more likely that the seemingly insignificant token was a "penny for her thoughts," rather than the good luck charm you suggested.
My mother sent me such a penny during my busiest college days. I took the hint, and ever since have made sharing my busy adult life with her a top priority.
I hope "Daughter" didn't wait until it was too late to stop being frugal with the contact her mom wanted. -- LINDA'S DAUGHTER, TULSA, OKLA.
DEAR DAUGHTER: While that "hint" is a little too subtle for me, several other people also mentioned it. I'll leave it up to my readers to decide which explanation they prefer. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: During World War II, my mother sent a penny to each of my cousins who went off to fight. She put a notch in each penny on the theory that "a bad penny always returns." One cousin signed all his war mail, "Just a Bad Penny." Three of my cousins were wounded, but all the "bad pennies" returned. -- SID GOODMAN, PARAMUS, N.J.
DEAR SID: I hope they invested them. By now they should have added up to real money!
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Adoptathon Finds Good Homes for Orphaned Pets Everywhere
DEAR ABBY: Spring is here, and it's time to alert pet-loving people to the 2001 Pet Adoptathon. The slogan, "From the Golden Gate to the Empire State," says it all.
The North Shore Animal League America's Tour for Life, organized in conjunction with the San Francisco SPCA, began in the Bay City on April 12. On that day, the league's huge mobile adoption center transported pets from the animal shelter to centralized community locations in an effort to find loving adoptive homes for hundreds of orphaned pets.
From the Golden Gate, the 35-foot shelter-on-wheels motored southeast to Albuquerque, continued on to Dallas, traveled east and south to Fort Lauderdale, turned north to New York City and finally, on May 3, will arrive at the Empire State Building -- a true lifesaving journey to help animal organizations along the way to find loving homes for their needy dogs and cats.
The Tour for Life does not end there: It actually signals the start of the North Shore Animal League America's worldwide Pet Adoptathon 2001 on May 5 and 6. This annual event is a spectacular lifesaving weekend during which more than 2,500 shelters in all 50 states and 29 foreign countries join together to find permanent homes for all the pets in their care. Since the league founded Pet Adoptathon in 1995, more than 100,000 orphaned pets have been placed in excellent adoptive homes. As impressive as this total sounds, NSAL America and Pet Adoptathon shelters want to do even more.
The league -- and all participating organizations around the world -- implore animal lovers to adopt a dog, cat, puppy or kitten during the Pet Adoptathon weekend on May 5 and 6. Last year, our combined efforts saved the lives of tens of thousands of pets worldwide. This year, we hope another 40,000 animals will be adopted by kind and caring folks.
For the name of the Pet Adoptathon shelter near you, call toll-free: 1-877-BE-MY-PAL (1-877-236-9725) or visit the Web site: www.petadoptathon.com. -- J. JOHN STEVENSON, PRESIDENT, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA
DEAR JOHN: Thank you for the exciting news about your pet adoption programs for 2001. Your mobile adoption center reminds me of the saying, "If Mohammad can't go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Mohammad." I'm sure your efforts will be greeted with enthusiasm by animal lovers everywhere.
Readers, if you have been longing for a pet and thinking about buying one, please open your hearts and homes to a loving shelter pet. They have so much love to give, and all of it can be yours if you participate in this year's North Shore Animal League's Adoptathon. Purr-purr, woof-woof! -- and away we go!
DEAR ABBY: My sister gave birth to her first child a few months ago. He was a beautiful baby, called home by God on the day he was born. My sister is an incredibly strong person, but I know she's hurting more than she lets on.
With Mother's Day approaching, I am wondering if it would be appropriate to give her a Mother's Day card. I don't want to make her sadder than she already is, but I also don't want her to think I've forgotten or don't care. I'm not sure what I should do. -- GRIEVING AUNT IN NEW YORK
DEAR GRIEVING: I am very sorry you lost your precious nephew. My heart goes out to you and his dear mother.
Yes, by all means, acknowledge your sister's loss -- but not with a traditional Happy Mother's Day card. Select a beautiful blank card and write your own personal message of remembrance.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)