Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Girl Traveling Solo Gets Steered in Right Direction
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. Last summer my family and I went on a trip to the Cayman Islands. I planned to go to a camp in North Carolina after our trip, but because of a scheduling mix-up, I ended up leaving the islands one day earlier than my family.
I was petrified to go on a plane alone -- especially in a foreign country -- and to change planes in Miami to get to our home in New Orleans.
Well, I got safely on my plane to Miami, but when I got off, I didn't know what to do. I followed other people to immigration, where I was supposed to show my passport, but I wasn't sure which line to get into.
This small, dark-haired lady was walking beside me. I had noticed her on my plane. She asked if I was traveling alone. I nodded, hoping the fear didn't show in my eyes. She directed me to the right line and waited for me to get through. Then she led me to the baggage claim, where I got my suitcase to take it to my next check-in.
It was extremely kind of her, because she hadn't checked any luggage -- yet she went out of her way to help me. After I got my suitcase, she guided me to my terminal. (Hers was on the other side of the airport.) She never told me her name. I am thankful that she helped me; otherwise I would have been completely lost at that big airport.
Please print this, Abby. I want that woman to know what a help she was. I'm so glad there are still good people in this world who will go out of their way to help a stranger. -- GRATEFUL GIRL IN NEW ORLEANS
DEAR GRATEFUL GIRL: I am pleased to print your letter. However, I would like to add that parents of children who are not used to traveling alone should make arrangements with the airlines. In this way, the minors can be escorted to other terminals or through customs, if necessary, so they can arrive safely at their destination. To paraphrase Tennessee Williams' famous line, they should NOT have to depend on the "kindness of strangers."
DEAR ABBY: My mother was killed in an automobile accident 11 years ago. A week after the funeral, I had to return to my home 1,000 miles away. For the first time in my father's life, he was living alone. I called him as often as I could, but it didn't lessen his loneliness.
Seven months later, at Christmas, my wife and I went to visit him. He asked us to invite a special woman friend of his to dinner. Though we didn't say anything, we were very upset. This would be our first Christmas without my mother. I couldn't believe my father would bring another woman into our lives so soon. So when Mary Jo arrived, I was prepared not to like her. However, within seconds my attitude changed.
Mary Jo, like my mother, is an artist. She walked around the house telling us how much she liked our mother's paintings. At the dinner table, she asked questions about Mom. We laughed when she told us stories about her sons -- and we cried when she shared the story of her husband, Bill, who had died of cancer.
Abby, that dinner was 10 years ago. Since then, Mary Jo and Dad have married and "blended" our two families. They are an inspiration to my wife and me. They honor their former partners by living their lives to the fullest. I wish everyone could learn from them. -- CHAMBERS STEVENS, LOS ANGELES
DEAR CHAMBERS: So do I. Your father was fortunate to have married two such gracious, talented and sensitive women.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
All in the Family Reap Reward by Gardening Together for Mom
DEAR ABBY: Mother's Day is approaching, and I'm feeling sentimental. I'd like to tell you what our family used to do on Mother's Day. Mom didn't need any more clothes or jewelry. So, for years, all the adult children, grandchildren and in-laws put on our work clothes and showed up at Mom's home on Mother's Day.
We brought the makings for a potluck dinner and plenty of beverages. We would then proceed to till and plant my mother's garden. Mom loved to garden and did so into her 80s, but getting it planted became too much for her. This was not only the perfect time to get the job done for her, but she loved seeing the family working together.
Often what older people enjoy the most is the gift of time and family. They want their independence, but some things can be done much more easily by the children. (Just don't forget to do it the way THEY want it done, and you'll see the joy in their eyes.) -- REMEMBERING IN WISCONSIN
DEAR REMEMBERING: How sweet of you to want to share your family's tradition. I'm sure your efforts pleased your mother mightily, and that every time she looked out her window, she was reminded of the happy memories of Mother's Day.
There are usually any number of chores to be done around a house, from painting to washing windows, fixing a fence, clearing out a garage, and miscellaneous household repairs too numerous to list. All it takes to get them done is a willing heart and some elbow grease. Of course, it also takes time -- and time is the most precious gift of all.
DEAR ABBY: I'm about to be married and am looking forward to my wedding with one exception: the family part.
I was severely abused as a child by my oldest sister. She is seven years older than me. My parents both worked outside the home, and they left her in charge.
When I was 5, I returned from Asia where I had been living with my grandparents. That's when the abuse started. She made up lies about things I supposedly did during the day, and since my parents were very traditional and stressed work, they beat me almost nightly.
I'm an adult now and have gone through therapy, where I learned the best way to deal with my family is to see as little of them as possible.
Although I have forgiven them and moved on, I do not want my sister at my wedding. The rest of the family has faced the truth and tried to make amends; my sister has not, and I want nothing to do with her. My mother, however, wants us to be "one big, happy family" with my sister in attendance. (Our family has never been "one big, happy family.") What should I do? -- ABOUT TO BE MARRIED IN L.A.
DEAR ABOUT TO BE MARRIED: I see no reason to invite your abuser to your wedding in order to satisfy your mother's fantasy of a perfect family. Omit your sister from the guest list, and don't allow anyone to browbeat you into changing your mind. Your reasons for excluding her are legitimate.
Please accept my best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "DESPERATE IN SOUTH FLORIDA": Even though your name doesn't appear on your husband's credit cards, you MUST consult an attorney to determine whether or not you will be held responsible for his irrational spending sprees. Please don't wait. Your future may depend on it.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
LETTER CARRIERS' FOOD DRIVE DELIVERS HELP TO THE HUNGRY
DEAR ABBY: Studies have shown that hunger in America is a much more serious problem than most people realize. A staggering 30 million people (10.4 percent of the population in the United States) depend on food banks and other charities in order to eat. The need for food increases in the summer because many children are out of school where they often receive free breakfasts and lunches. For some of them, the free food offered by the schools is their main meal of the day.
Because food supplies at food banks and charities diminish during summer months due to increased demand for assistance, a program in which letter carriers accept food donations and deliver them to food banks has been instituted.
Last year, nearly 3.5 million pounds of food were donated by postal customers, making it the most successful single-day food drive to date.
This year, on Saturday, May 12, 100,000 letter carriers across the United States will collect food donations. The National Association of Letter Carriers is proud to sponsor this drive, our ninth nationwide food drive to feed hungry children and adults.
Abby, your readers can help by leaving unopened containers of nonperishable foods next to their mailboxes for the carriers to pick up and deliver to local food banks and charities to replenish their supplies for the summer. Your assistance in making this the most successful food drive to date will be greatly appreciated by letter carriers, as well as the less fortunate who might otherwise go to bed hungry. -- JILL LEMONS, FOOD DRIVE COORDINATOR, CANOGA PARK, CALIF.
DEAR JILL: I'm pleased to publicize your food drive. People often don't realize that many of those who utilize these community food shelves are not homeless indigents, but working-poor families who are unable to earn enough to cover their monthly expenses. It's shocking and deplorable.
Readers: Deserving people will appreciate your special delivery of food from the heart. Almost all of us can afford to leave a little something. I know I can depend on you.
DEAR ABBY: One night last week, I accidentally poisoned my cat and almost killed him. All I did was put a small amount of flea and tick powder on him that was meant for my dog.
To make a long story short, the next morning I rushed my poor sick kitty to the closest vet. While the doctor was treating my feline, he told me that the mistake I made is a common one that he has seen many times.
Since then, I have spoken with two people whose pets died because they made the same unfortunate mistake.
I can't thank the good doctor and his staff enough for saving my beloved cat -- and for all their kindness when I was so distraught. Abby, I hope this warning will prevent other pet owners from making this same terrible mistake. -- JAMES C. EMERICK, VERO BEACH, FLA.
DEAR JAMES: I'm pleased your cat survived, and thank you for alerting other cat owners about the potential danger. Spring and summer are flea and tick season, so your warning is a timely one.
P.S. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody is purr-fect.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)