Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
All in the Family Reap Reward by Gardening Together for Mom
DEAR ABBY: Mother's Day is approaching, and I'm feeling sentimental. I'd like to tell you what our family used to do on Mother's Day. Mom didn't need any more clothes or jewelry. So, for years, all the adult children, grandchildren and in-laws put on our work clothes and showed up at Mom's home on Mother's Day.
We brought the makings for a potluck dinner and plenty of beverages. We would then proceed to till and plant my mother's garden. Mom loved to garden and did so into her 80s, but getting it planted became too much for her. This was not only the perfect time to get the job done for her, but she loved seeing the family working together.
Often what older people enjoy the most is the gift of time and family. They want their independence, but some things can be done much more easily by the children. (Just don't forget to do it the way THEY want it done, and you'll see the joy in their eyes.) -- REMEMBERING IN WISCONSIN
DEAR REMEMBERING: How sweet of you to want to share your family's tradition. I'm sure your efforts pleased your mother mightily, and that every time she looked out her window, she was reminded of the happy memories of Mother's Day.
There are usually any number of chores to be done around a house, from painting to washing windows, fixing a fence, clearing out a garage, and miscellaneous household repairs too numerous to list. All it takes to get them done is a willing heart and some elbow grease. Of course, it also takes time -- and time is the most precious gift of all.
DEAR ABBY: I'm about to be married and am looking forward to my wedding with one exception: the family part.
I was severely abused as a child by my oldest sister. She is seven years older than me. My parents both worked outside the home, and they left her in charge.
When I was 5, I returned from Asia where I had been living with my grandparents. That's when the abuse started. She made up lies about things I supposedly did during the day, and since my parents were very traditional and stressed work, they beat me almost nightly.
I'm an adult now and have gone through therapy, where I learned the best way to deal with my family is to see as little of them as possible.
Although I have forgiven them and moved on, I do not want my sister at my wedding. The rest of the family has faced the truth and tried to make amends; my sister has not, and I want nothing to do with her. My mother, however, wants us to be "one big, happy family" with my sister in attendance. (Our family has never been "one big, happy family.") What should I do? -- ABOUT TO BE MARRIED IN L.A.
DEAR ABOUT TO BE MARRIED: I see no reason to invite your abuser to your wedding in order to satisfy your mother's fantasy of a perfect family. Omit your sister from the guest list, and don't allow anyone to browbeat you into changing your mind. Your reasons for excluding her are legitimate.
Please accept my best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "DESPERATE IN SOUTH FLORIDA": Even though your name doesn't appear on your husband's credit cards, you MUST consult an attorney to determine whether or not you will be held responsible for his irrational spending sprees. Please don't wait. Your future may depend on it.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
LETTER CARRIERS' FOOD DRIVE DELIVERS HELP TO THE HUNGRY
DEAR ABBY: Studies have shown that hunger in America is a much more serious problem than most people realize. A staggering 30 million people (10.4 percent of the population in the United States) depend on food banks and other charities in order to eat. The need for food increases in the summer because many children are out of school where they often receive free breakfasts and lunches. For some of them, the free food offered by the schools is their main meal of the day.
Because food supplies at food banks and charities diminish during summer months due to increased demand for assistance, a program in which letter carriers accept food donations and deliver them to food banks has been instituted.
Last year, nearly 3.5 million pounds of food were donated by postal customers, making it the most successful single-day food drive to date.
This year, on Saturday, May 12, 100,000 letter carriers across the United States will collect food donations. The National Association of Letter Carriers is proud to sponsor this drive, our ninth nationwide food drive to feed hungry children and adults.
Abby, your readers can help by leaving unopened containers of nonperishable foods next to their mailboxes for the carriers to pick up and deliver to local food banks and charities to replenish their supplies for the summer. Your assistance in making this the most successful food drive to date will be greatly appreciated by letter carriers, as well as the less fortunate who might otherwise go to bed hungry. -- JILL LEMONS, FOOD DRIVE COORDINATOR, CANOGA PARK, CALIF.
DEAR JILL: I'm pleased to publicize your food drive. People often don't realize that many of those who utilize these community food shelves are not homeless indigents, but working-poor families who are unable to earn enough to cover their monthly expenses. It's shocking and deplorable.
Readers: Deserving people will appreciate your special delivery of food from the heart. Almost all of us can afford to leave a little something. I know I can depend on you.
DEAR ABBY: One night last week, I accidentally poisoned my cat and almost killed him. All I did was put a small amount of flea and tick powder on him that was meant for my dog.
To make a long story short, the next morning I rushed my poor sick kitty to the closest vet. While the doctor was treating my feline, he told me that the mistake I made is a common one that he has seen many times.
Since then, I have spoken with two people whose pets died because they made the same unfortunate mistake.
I can't thank the good doctor and his staff enough for saving my beloved cat -- and for all their kindness when I was so distraught. Abby, I hope this warning will prevent other pet owners from making this same terrible mistake. -- JAMES C. EMERICK, VERO BEACH, FLA.
DEAR JAMES: I'm pleased your cat survived, and thank you for alerting other cat owners about the potential danger. Spring and summer are flea and tick season, so your warning is a timely one.
P.S. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody is purr-fect.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Donation of Formal Dresses Can Make Prom Dreams Come True
DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was in college, she worked part-time as a coach in a nearby high school. One of the girls on the squad confided that she wouldn't be attending her senior prom because she didn't have the money to buy a dress. My daughter immediately offered to lend her one -- with shoes and jewelry to go with the outfit. The kid was thrilled.
Last spring while I was cleaning out closets, I saw that my daughter had accumulated several gowns from wedding parties and school formals that she was never going to wear again. Remembering her experience while she was coaching, we decided together to phone a nearby public high school to see if they knew of any girls who might need a gown for their prom.
A woman in the school's administration office was delighted to hear from us. When we dropped off the items, the broad smile on the face of the school official told us the need was great.
Abby, please remind your female readers that when they clean out their closets, they can donate their gowns to a high school. In doing so, they have the opportunity to give a girl who might not be able to go to the prom a happy memory. -- JUST A MOM IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR JUST A MOM: What a wonderful suggestion. We have all read the story of Cinderella -- but few of us realize that we, too, can fulfill the role of fairy godmother. We may not be able to provide a glass slipper or a handsome prince, but we can help to make a deserving girl's dream come true.
DEAR ABBY: I witnessed a situation in a popular restaurant last week. It left me wanting to share it, in order to protect other innocent children from possible danger.
A little girl got up from a table, where she was sitting with her mother and a sibling, and headed toward the "unisex" restroom, arriving there just ahead of me. She went in, the door closed, and then she came out. I asked her if she was through, and she told me that there was someone inside, but the door had been left unlocked. I stood with her outside the door, and a man walked out. I was shocked. The little girl then went inside, and I waited my turn.
The incident left me with questions: Did the man purposely leave the door unlocked? Did he expose himself to the little girl?
I'm upset with myself for not confronting the man, not informing the mother, not reporting it to the management. I know if someone had walked in on me, I would have gasped or shrieked or something. I was standing there and heard nothing.
The bottom line, Abby, is that parents need to take more responsibility for the welfare of their children. Children shouldn't be SENT to a public restroom -- they should be escorted. -- CONCERNED MOTHER IN MISSION VIEJO, CALIF.
DEAR CONCERNED: I commend you for writing an important letter. Responsible parents accompany children to the restroom -- even if it's a same-sex facility.
DEAR ABBY: I am almost 92 years old, and for many years I've said, "If I had mail-ordered my in-laws, I couldn't have done any better." -- HAPPY MARIE IN PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR MARIE: With an attitude like yours, I'll bet you had a fairy-tale marriage.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)