Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
VOLUNTEERS FOR TEACHERS EARN GRATITUDE AND LEARN RESPECT
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I discovered an incredible need teachers have. The day after school ended, I had a couple of free hours and impulsively stopped by the school and offered to help my daughter's teacher pack up for the summer. You would have thought I donated an organ! What I did was not hard: We took down bulletin boards, packed books, etc. It was quite enjoyable.
Before school began in the fall, I offered my services again, but this time my 18- and 15-year-old daughters joined me. The teachers nearly named a day after us. We cleaned cubbies, arranged desks, cut out shapes and set out supplies. It doesn't matter if you have one hour or four. It makes a difference.
The most wonderful part was my daughters telling the teachers they had no idea how much work teachers devote to preparing for their pupils.
I recommend this as a wonderful volunteer opportunity. The added benefit was exposing my teen-agers to the "behind-the-scenes" activities of these energetic, committed professional teachers. -- KAREN WARREN, GAINESVILLE, FLA.
DEAR KAREN: A terrific idea. Everyone's a winner when everyone chips in, but why stop there? Schools welcome the continual involvement of parents in their children's education, and that involvement results in more diligent students.
DEAR ABBY: I read in this morning's paper the letter from the paramedic who was called to the home where the little boy drowned. It was a sad letter that made my heart ache.
We have a fence around our pool and keep the gate securely locked. Our son knows how to swim and follows the safety rules we have established.
I thought I was a responsible pool owner -- until last Mother's Day. We had invited friends over for a cookout and swimming party. We ate in shifts so an adult would always be with the children as they swam. My friend and I were eating poolside; her husband was in the pool with the children. All four of the little ones (under 5) had taken swimming lessons and were good swimmers. My friend's son was floating on a kickboard. We looked away for a moment, and when we looked back, he was nowhere to be seen. We moved the kickboard, and there he was, trying to come up for air! Somehow, I managed to reach in and grab him.
We were lucky. He had been holding his breath. In a few more seconds, he would have drowned. All this happened in 3 feet of water, 3 feet from me, and with five adults in the pool area.
Since then, we have added new rules: We now have at least one adult watcher for every three children. This person must be alert at all times and watch the children. We rotate so the same adult isn't always the watcher. If a child cannot swim, he or she must wear a life vest, and the parents are responsible for their children the entire time they are in the pool.
Abby, a fence around a pool and a locked gate are mandatory. We had a close call we will never forget. Safety rules must not only be established, but strenuously observed. -- LIFEGUARDING MOM IN PHOENIX
DEAR LIFEGUARDING MOM: There is no telling how many lives you may have saved today because you took the time to write.
Thank you for pointing out that it is not enough to be in the vicinity of a pool -- or other body of water -- when children are in it. The children must be watched closely at all times.
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Alert Pharmacists Are Best Defense for Overmedication
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Lee in Walnut Creek, Calif.," whose husband was on 11 different medications and experienced either drug interactions and/or dosage problems that led to increasing disability.
My immediate reaction to that letter was WHERE WAS HIS PHARMACIST? Could it be that the family used several pharmacies and were never asked for a complete medication list? However, someone should have asked. Pharmacists are required by state and federal regulations to counsel patients on all new prescriptions. Being aware that a patient is taking multiple prescriptions should have sent red flags up in the mind of any pharmacist taking care of that man.
I have been a practicing pharmacist for 30 years. Any time a patient takes more than eight different medications a day, I start asking questions. Often I find that some of the medications are being used to treat side effects of other medications! Then the appropriate solution is to find an alternative medication with fewer side effects.
Poly-pharmacy (the use of multiple medications for one patient) can be very dangerous. Unfortunately, many pharmacists may be hard-pressed to find the time to counsel adequately. Also, some doctors view us as police and resent our intrusion into their field of expertise.
I know doctors who listen and doctors who don't. However, those who always listen are the patients or caregivers, because they are the most affected. So I educate the patient and send him or her back to the doctor with alternatives and the tools necessary to adequately communicate their concerns. It's the biggest part of my job, and the one I don't get paid for.
To answer Lee's question about what happens to patients who have no reliable caregiver to look out for them: They enter nursing homes, or -- if the statistics can be believed -- they die. It is estimated that more than 100,000 persons in the United States die every year because of poly-pharmacy.
How do we protect the people we care about? Ask questions! Ask the doctor, the nurse and the pharmacist. Make a list of all prescribed and over-the-counter medications the patient is taking. Know what each medicine is for and what it will do. When given a new prescription, ask what current medication it replaces.
Abby, health care will not change unless we force it to. As patients we should all expect the best from each member of the team who helps us stay well. I hope your readers will make good use of this information. -- MARTHA G. MOSHER, R.PH., SENECA CASTLE, N.Y.
DEAR MARTHA: You have written an important letter. I hope it will persuade patients and caregivers to discuss their medications -- and possible drug interactions -- with their physicians and pharmacists. One can never be too careful. If someone is having prescriptions filled at several pharmacies, serious consideration should be given to ending that practice.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
New Dad Fears Name Change Will Damage Bond With Boy
DEAR ABBY: When we learned our baby was going to be a boy, my wife and I settled on a name we both loved.
My mother-in-law has been gravely ill with Alzheimer's disease for several years, but she is now terminal. So my wife is facing the loss of her mother at almost the same time as the birth of our son. My wife asked what I thought about changing our son's name so the first letter of his name will be the same as her mother's. She told me it is customary to use the first letter from the name of a deceased relative when choosing a name for a child.
Common sense tells me I have no choice in this matter, but I don't want to change the name we have already chosen. Part of the bonding between me and my son has been talking to him in the womb. I fear the bond may be damaged if I have to name him something else.
What should I do? -- DISAPPOINTED FIRST-TIME DAD
DEAR DAD: Satisfy both your needs by giving your son a first name that begins with the first letter of your mother-in-law's name, but call him by his second name -- the one you and your wife chose in the first place. It happens all the time.
DEAR ABBY: I had to write when I read the letter from "Been Down That Road, St. George, Utah." She said that for years she and her children had laughed about the fact that being a step-grandchild brings with it the consequences of receiving fewer gifts and less recognition.
Exactly the opposite is true in my family. My mother-in-law, Cherylene, has gone to great lengths to include my daughters from my first marriage in everything. When my husband and I had two sons together, nothing changed.
I recall the time while shopping when Cherylene impulsively picked up a gift for the boys. She then spent time looking for something for the girls. When I told her it wasn't mandatory -- that the girls would understand, and that they needed to know life wasn't always fair -- she replied: "You're right. They do need to learn that lesson. But they're not going to learn it from me!"
The attitude in our family toward step-grandchildren has been one of acceptance and love. How sad that anyone thinks it must be any different. -- ELIZABETH IN PHOENIX
DEAR ELIZABETH: I agree. Acceptance and love usually beget more of the same. Children raised in an accepting, inclusive environment feel good about themselves and others. A child cannot pick its parents, and to discriminate on that basis is unfair to the child.
DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter has invited a young man to escort her to an upcoming formal dance. Who should pay for the tickets? If they go out to eat before or after the dance, who should pay for their meals?
If a young man invited my daughter to a dance, I would expect him to purchase the ticket and pay for her meal. But since the invitation came from my daughter, who foots the bill? -- NEW ORLEANS MOM
DEAR MOM: Since your daughter invited the young man to the dance, she is responsible for buying the tickets and paying for the meal. It would be nice if the young man offered to pay for his ticket, but if he doesn't, your daughter should ante up.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)