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CO-WORKER'S CONSTANT CHATTER CAUSES CUSTOMERS TO COMPLAIN
DEAR ABBY: I manage a small branch office with one subordinate, an older man named "Maury." Until I was hired a few weeks ago, he worked for several years with almost no supervision. Now I'm trying to deal with his many bad habits -- the worst being his endless conversation.
Maury chatters away about every conceivable topic -- to me as well as to customers. Not only is his information self-aggrandizing and inaccurate, but it's almost always unwelcome. He ignores all subtle signs to end a conversation, such as the person walking away or saying goodbye. He goes on and on and often follows the customer or me around, interrupting whenever he pleases.
Customers have complained to me about his inappropriate chatter and behavior.
Since Maury and I are the only people working in this office, I must maintain a cordial working relationship with this character, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. My supervisor has left it up to me to "shut him up" and curb his behavior. Please advise me, Abby. -- FEELING ALONE IN THE OFFICE
DEAR ALONE: It's your job to manage Maury, so begin by establishing "visiting time" on breaks only, and see that he sticks to it. You may sound like a broken record, but as many times a day as necessary, emphasize that more work (and less talk) must be the rule during business hours.
DEAR ABBY: A few weeks before my birthday, my husband took me to a local jewelry store. He had me try on beautiful diamond rings and asked me which one I liked best. Then about a week before my birthday I was watching the Shopping Channel. They were showing cubic zirconia rings. My husband walked into the room and said, "Oh, I can do much better than that. Did I tell you that I went shopping today?"
On my birthday I excitedly opened my gift and found a bathrobe! I waited all day for the little box with the beautiful ring. It never came.
My question: Was this a mean, thoughtless trick to play, or am I being a baby? Please answer honestly. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN TULSA
DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Have you carefully examined the pockets of the bathrobe? If they are empty, your husband played a dirty trick on you.
DEAR ABBY: I work nights in a small hotel. Quite often, one of our guests stays for long periods of time.
I have developed a friendship with him. We talk a lot when I'm on shift, and he has asked me out for dinner on several occasions. I would love to go, but I'm not sure I should.
Would I be crossing the line trying to mix business with pleasure, or is it OK to have a social relationship with a business contact? He's absolutely adorable, and I'd hate to miss the chance to have a closer relationship.
What do you think? -- JUST ME IN EVERETT, WASH.
DEAR JUST ME: If the man is eligible, and there are no hotel rules against socializing with guests, I see no reason why you can't explore the relationship further. However, before you do, please ask yourself what your degree of embarrassment (or disappointment) might be if the relationship DOESN'T work out as you hope. Is it worth the risk?
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers is being married next month and has invited most of the office to her wedding. I had planned on buying her a gift, but probably won't attend. We are not close. She has been very difficult to work with. She's possibly the most two-faced person I have ever known.
I have overheard this woman putting me down to co-workers, clients and vendors during the entire 4 1/2 years we have worked together. I am seriously considering leaving this company because of her. My supervisor has told me on several occasions that I am "on my own with her."
Today she had the nerve to drop a very broad hint that she would like an office wedding shower. I am this company's office manager, and organizing such an event would be up to me.
I am almost 50 years old, have worked at several other companies, and have never heard of an "office wedding shower." Aside from my strong dislike for this co-worker, I want to do what is correct. What do you recommend? -- AWAITING ADVICE IN WASHINGTON STATE
DEAR AWAITING: Since your heart isn't in it (and with good reason), don't allow yourself to be maneuvered into arranging a shower. To get yourself off the hook, see if someone she's closer to would care to host a shower for her outside of office hours.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to tell "A Friend in Chicago," who was concerned because a family refused to take their 92-year-old grandmother to the doctor, that there is an agency serving people over 60.
In 1965, the Older Americans Act was enacted by Congress. It allocated funding for numerous "Area Agencies on Aging" across the United States. They are listed in local phone books. They provide resources for transportation, home-delivered meals, respite care, income tax preparation, medication assistance, flu shots, heating and cooling assistance, homemaker services, housing, legal assistance, where to report suspected neglect or exploitation of elderly persons, and more.
They also help coordinate recreational activities, such as senior games: bowling tournaments, track, basketball free throw, golf, shuffleboard, and more. Senior centers across America provide numerous activities and services for both active and homebound seniors. They will, if asked, also provide daily telephone reassurance calls and/or weekly visits to ensure the safety and well-being of the senior in question. -- JENNIFER E. RABALAIS, SOUTHWEST TENNESSEE AREA AGENCY ON AGING
DEAR JENNIFER: I'm sure many people will be surprised and relieved to know that so much help is so close at hand. Thank you for writing.
DEAR ABBY: We are a group of senior women who enjoy dining out.
After a good meal, one of our menfolk likes to seek out the young hostesses, encircle their waists, look deep into their eyes and tell them what a great meal he's had.
What do you think of this behavior? -- DAILY FLORIDA READER
DEAR FLORIDA READER: I think he wants some free dessert.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ONE-WAY PARTY INVITATIONS CAUSE HURT FEELINGS IN KIDS
DEAR ABBY: My son, "Brad," is in first grade in a small private school. When birthday time rolls around, I always invite all the kids. They all show up, but when it comes to returning the invitation, some do -- but most don't. Brad is very hurt when he is excluded from their parties. It seems to me that when you accept an invitation, you should reciprocate.
It's not a matter of money, Abby; the parents can afford to invite all the children. One parent told me she lets her son decide whom to invite and she stays out of it. Isn't this teaching a child that bad manners are acceptable and getting along with each other is not important? My child has also wanted to exclude a particular child. I always say, "No one likes being left out."
I know I can't control what other people do, but I hope this letter reminds parents what it was like to be a child. Life isn't always fair, but at least we can teach our kids proper etiquette. -- PERPLEXED IN VIRGINIA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Even more important than teaching children proper etiquette is teaching them empathy for other people. Unless young people are taught respect for the feelings of others, all the etiquette lessons in the world are wasted.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 73-year-old single lady. I've been alone and lonely for 14 years, ever since my husband died. I recently met a man, "Gerald," who is five years younger than me. His wife died a year ago. Our chemistry is wonderful -- he seems to be the answer to my prayers.
So what's my problem? Gerald wears a vial around his neck that contains some of his wife's ashes. While the thought is sweet and touching, it makes me uncomfortable when he is making love to me. He says he cares for me, and I know I care for him. How should I handle this? -- SECOND TIME AROUND
DEAR SECOND: Tell Gerald you don't want his wife's ashes to come between you. So when he's making love to you, he should remove them from his neck and put them in a place of respect -- preferably out of your range of vision. That should do the trick.
DEAR ABBY: Last Easter, an unfortunate incident occurred in our home. I would like to share it with your readers so they won't suffer the heartbreak we did.
Like so many people, I bought an Easter lily for the holiday. My 6-month-old kitten chewed the ends off a couple of the leaves -- and died on Easter morning.
A few days later, I learned from the poison control center that Easter lilies are highly toxic to felines and cause acute renal failure that results in certain death. They are not toxic to dogs or humans.
Several veterinarians were unaware of this plant's toxicity to cats, and my own veterinarian has it listed as a safe plant.
The plant industry should label toxic plants as such on the care labels so that pet owners won't lose a beloved member of their household in such a preventable way as we did. Your animal-loving readers should write to their state representatives and demand that these warnings be made law. -- SUE VON ESCHEN, ROCKFORD, MICH.
DEAR SUE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your pet. Your letter is an important one, because many experts are unaware of the danger Easter lilies can pose to felines. I called the Los Angeles poison control center to confirm what you've written. Cat lovers, listen up!
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)