Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Fit, Healthy and Happy Teens Don't Need to Check the Scale
DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a girl named "Mary in Hull, Mass.," who said she was 12 years old, 5 feet tall and about 130 pounds. She didn't like the way she looked and asked you for a diet. I am concerned for her, and for the many other adolescents who have difficulty accepting their bodies. Too much emphasis is placed on physical perfection these days.
I am a seventh- and eighth-grade middle-school health and fitness teacher and coach. Here is what I would like to tell Mary:
(1) Muscle weighs more than fat tissue. Each time you exercise and gain strength, endurance and flexibility, you increase your well-being and develop muscle. Busy kids are happier kids. Stop checking the scale and keep an activity log instead. It's more positive reinforcement.
(2) Please don't compare your body with that of other kids your age. Middle-schoolers (adolescents) range from 4-foot-tall boys to 6-foot-tall girls -- round in sixth grade, tall and lean in eighth grade. Your body is doing some very important development at this time. Check out videos on nutrition from the library. Check out one on anorexia and see how some people deprive their bodies of fuel and important nutrients attempting to achieve "perfection." The result can be bone diseases and problems with the reproductive organs.
Be grateful that you enjoy activities. Do them to have fun, and not specifically to lose weight. Once you decide that you love staying active and that it makes you happy, your body imperfections won't be so important to you. Dwell on the positive. Speak to people -- and yourself -- about positive things.
(3) Don't order "super-size" fast food. (One serving of fries is 150 calories; a super-size is 800.) "Just say no" to doughnuts. Eat more fruits and veggies and less bread. Learn more about nutrition and vitamin sources such as wheat germ. Get videos from the library on yoga, tae bo, aerobics -- and perhaps join the cross-country team at your school. No "cuts" and no bench-warming. Everyone participates -- and you're measured by your personal improvement.
(4) This last one is not about your body or nutrition. VOLUNTEER! Do something special for someone else. This builds self-confidence, and you'll begin to see that there are much more important issues out there to put your energies into.
(5) Make a list of 10 things you would like to do or learn, and then begin.
I'll be thinking of you, Mary! -- TERRIE FROM FRUITPORT, MICH.
DEAR TERRIE: You are a caring educator. Your letter contains a banquet of information not only for Mary, but also for any young person who is interested in health and fitness.
P.S. I have long been a proponent of volunteerism and continuing education. And keeping an activity log is a great idea. Watching one's stamina increase from week to week and month to month provides an incentive to persevere.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
CUTE CHICKS AND DUCKLINGS MAKE FOUL PETS FOR KIDS
DEAR ABBY: In years past, you have warned parents that it is inappropriate to give young fowl or baby animals to small children as Easter gifts. Not only are the children too young to properly care for them, but they pose a health risk.
Many chicks, ducklings and other young fowl shed salmonella bacteria in their feces. Humans become infected from direct contact with the birds or when feces-contaminated food, hands or objects are placed in the mouth.
Children have more frequent hand-to-mouth contact than adults and are less likely to wash their hands properly after handling chicks or ducklings. Infants, children under 5 and immuno-compromised persons are at high risk for severe infections and diarrhea.
Abby, please stress to your readers that if they handle young fowl, they MUST thoroughly wash their hands with soap and hot water. -- KAMMY JOHNSON, DVM, PHD, CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION, ATLANTA
DEAR KAMMY: Thank you for the timely warning. Parents who want to give their children chicks and ducks should buy the cuddly "stuffed" kind. Not only do they not have to be fed, they also don't pose a health risk.
DEAR ABBY: My father, now in his late 60s, seems to enjoy upsetting people. For many years, he has given gifts with the intention of deliberately shocking the recipient. When the package is opened, he breaks into a big grin if the person is reduced to tears.
He sent my sister's rooommate insulting literature because he doesn't like the way she manages her money. He doesn't like my niece's husband, so he sent him a pair of dirty socks.
As he ages, it appears that my father's desperate attempts to hurt people have accelerated. The last straw came a few weeks ago when I was a passenger in my father's car. He purposely stopped across three lanes of oncoming traffic -- on my side of the car! I became hysterical. My husband wants to sell our home and move me as far away as possible from my abusive father.
Abby, our family is planning to get together again soon. I feel like excluding my father. What should I do? -- HURT IN VIRGINIA
DEAR HURT: Whether or not to invite your father to a family gathering is the least of your worries. Your father's behavior appears to be escalating from eccentric to dangerous. One definition of serious mental illness is, "The person is a danger to himself or others." By stopping his car across three lanes of traffic, he placed you in serious jeopardy. Talk to a lawyer and to his doctor about his behavior. Your father must be evaluated for dementia or mental illness.
DEAR ABBY: Returning home from a small dinner party given by some close friends, I remarked to my wife that the gin had been watered. She observed that so was the scotch.
How can we delicately call this to the attention of our hosts? They don't read Dear Abby. We're concerned that their housekeeper may be nipping and refilling the bottles of expensive booze with water. -- BOMBED IN BEVERLY HILLS
DEAR BEVERLY HILLS: (Far be it from me to call anyone "Bombed.") Since you're afraid you'll offend these close friends if you approach the subject directly, the next time they entertain you, bring your own bottle as a bread-and-butter gift.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Chastened Husband Resolves to Share Roost, Not Rule It
DEAR ABBY: I was blessed with one of the finest mothers-in-law a man could hope for. I'll call her Dorothy. We were so much alike that I often told her I should have been her son.
Dorothy was a strong-willed woman who ran an efficient household. No back-talk was allowed on the part of her children.
When my father-in-law died, Dorothy found herself a widow at 81. Unable to live alone, she asked to live with my wife and me. Our children were grown, and there was plenty of room, so we agreed.
Knowing she had "ruled the roost" in her own home, I asked her to promise me that she would remember she was not coming to run OUR household. Well, bless Dorothy's departed soul, for 10 years she honored her promise, even though at times you could see she was biting her tongue.
Abby, I just recently retired. My wife and I have very different ways of doing things in the kitchen. When I cook, I put things away as soon as I am finished with them. My wife, on the other hand, stacks things in the kitchen sink -- waiting for me to wash them and put them away.
After scolding my wife recently about her disorganization, she stopped me in mid-sentence and asked, "Do you remember what you said to my mother before she moved in?" I nodded. She continued, "Well, you are here to share our home with me, not to run it."
My words have come back to haunt me. I must now learn to "bite my tongue," while still trying to be helpful. -- ERIC IN OCEANSIDE
DEAR ERIC: I'm printing your letter so that any other recent retiree who needs to see it can learn from it. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: For years, my husband and I had terrible fights. Then we finally came up with a system that helped us get beyond the fighting. It saved our marriage. It's very simple:
(1) Agree that listening to the other person does not mean you concur with what the other one is saying.
(2) One person talks for as long as necessary. The other partner does not interrupt, no matter how much he or she may disagree or itch to get his or her point in. Instead, jot down a key word to remember what was said.
(3) When the speaker is finished, the other person may do the same thing.
My husband and I discovered that when we listened to each other without interrupting, we heard each other far more completely and understood the other's point of view.
Please share this with your readers if you think it will be helpful. -- LISTENING WITH BOTH EARS
DEAR LISTENING: I'm pleased to share your method for diffusing arguments. Another effective technique is for the listener to repeat back what he or she has just heard in order to be sure it's the message the speaker meant to convey. Misunderstandings often occur because the parties reach and form their judgments before understanding the other person's viewpoint.
P.S. I have a hunch this column will wind up on many refrigerators!
Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)