DEAR ABBY: I recently lost my brother to suicide. After many months of depression, medication and trips to a psychologist, life was more than he could bear. It has been very hard the last few weeks dealing with everything that has gone on.
I know people don't mean to be cruel, but when they hear that someone has died, they ask, "How old?" (He was only 43.) Then they say, "Oh, did he have a heart attack?"
It's painful to say, "No, he committed suicide." Now I think I have come up with a good answer that has stopped a few people already -- and it's the truth. My minister suggested I pass it along to you to share with your readers.
A lady at church asked the usual questions, and my response was, "No, he died as a result of severe depression." That stopped her in her tracks. With an embarrassed look on her face, she said, "Oh" and turned and left.
Hope this is a help to others who are faced with the same situation. -- MARY ANDERSON, STILLWATER, MINN.
DEAR MARY: Please accept my sympathy for the untimely loss of your beloved brother. I have said many times that it is impolite to ask the cause of death when extending one's sympathy to the bereaved, because discussing the details is usually painful regardless of how the person died. I think you handled the intrusion extremely well.