DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law passed away unexpectedly. My husband, who is the executor, has her cremated remains in our home. It was agreed that when all of the children and their spouses were ready, her ashes would be dispersed with all of the family present.
Now one of the sisters wants to open the container that holds the ashes and scoop some out to be put in trinket boxes for the other sisters. I feel this is very disrespectful, and that the container should be opened only once -- when everyone is present -- and only when it's time to disperse all of the ashes. What do you think? -- APPALLED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
DEAR APPALLED: I see nothing disrespectful about saving a few of your mother-in-law's ashes, if any of her surviving "children" think it will be comforting. Please try not to be judgmental. There are no hard-and-fast rules when it comes to grieving, and if having the ashes will ease your sister-in-law's grief, I see no harm in it.