Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I empathize with "Not a Millionaire," who is barraged with charitable appeals. Last year, I received 14 boxes of greeting cards and 11 calendars sent by charities, along with six to eight appeals a week in my mail.
Even more annoying are the charity solicitation calls -- usually right in the middle of dinner. I have set my answering machine to state my phone number and, "We welcome all calls except charity appeals and product/or service solicitations." This stops them, and they hang up. I hope this suggestion will help him. -- CONNIE S., PASADENA, CALIF.
DEAR CONNIE: Your hint to put the message on your answering machine is a good one. If it doesn't help "Not a Millionaire," I'm sure it will help another reader. In some states, the "We do not accept calls from solicitors" message is offered by the phone company as an optional add-on. Unfortunately, that isn't the case in California. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The answer to being solicited to death by charities is simple -- send money orders. You have a copy for your tax records, and the charity doesn't have enough information to put you on a donor list. I've done it for years. It works like a charm. -- NO LONGER BOMBARDED IN FLORIDA
DEAR NO LONGER BOMBARDED: Clever idea. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I work for a nonprofit organization. May I make a suggestion? Cut off a mailing label from the solicitation you received and mail it to the charity, requesting that your name be removed from their mailing list. Then make your yearly donation to them -- WITH THE REQUEST THAT THEY NOT ADD YOUR NAME TO THEIR MAILING LIST.
We appreciate all donations but don't wish to offend anyone who doesn't wish to hear from us regularly. We always comply with requests that names be removed if we're provided with all the information needed to remove the name. -- HAPPY TO COMPLY, PA.
DEAR HAPPY TO COMPLY: Would that all charities be so cooperative. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I feel for "Not a Millionaire." In an effort to solve this problem, I tried an experiment in the first six months of last year. My system worked and continues to work. My "unwanted mail" has been reduced by 80 percent to 90 percent.
(1) Purchase a rubber stamp that says, "Please remove this name and address from your mailing list." Approximate size: 1 inch by 1/2 inch. Approximate cost: $7.
(2) Open every request for donations. If you do not want to make a donation or hear from them again, take your rubber stamp and stamp the request in several places in the area containing your name and address.
(3) Place the request in the envelope provided and return it to them.
(4) Do not put your name and address on the outside of the envelope.
(5) Be consistent and persistent.
It may take several months before you see results. I had to notify some organizations more than 10 times before they got the message. Many send solicitations from more than one address. -- SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR
DEAR BEAR: You're not only smarter than the average bear, but you're also more patient.
Girl's Invitation to Dance Turns Friend Into Stranger
DEAR ABBY: I know you don't get many letters from 12-year-old girls, but something has been bothering me for the past five weeks, and I thought maybe you could help me.
My school had a dance three weeks ago. I've had a good friend for four years, and I asked if he wanted to go with me. He said no. Since he said no, I have been devastated. Not because he said no, but because since that time when I pass him in the hall at school, he won't look at or talk to me.
It doesn't matter if we ever go out on a date. All that matters is that we once again become the good friends we were before I asked him to the dance. If I could tell him I'm sorry in front of a million people, I would. I wish we were good friends again. -- FEELING LOW IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR FEELING LOW: Be patient. The boy was probably embarrassed because he is socially awkward. Continue to smile and say hello when you see him in the hall. In a few years, his hormones will kick in, and he'll catch up to your level of maturity.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and pregnant. My boyfriend and I have made the heartbreaking decision to place our son for adoption. We reached this decision because we want to make sure this child has everything he needs and deserves.
My boyfriend's mother feels we are taking "the easy way out" and not accepting responsibility for our actions. Abby, we have definitely found nothing "easy" about choosing adoption. We want his mother's support in our decision and want her to realize we ARE being responsible by giving our son the best life possible, and her attitude has deeply affected my boyfriend and me.
Please ask your readers to support their children's decisions, regardless of personal feelings. Parental support is worth more than words can say. -- HEARTBROKEN IN OHIO
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your boyfriend's mother's attitude will affect you only as long as you let it. Please do not allow her to make you feel guilty for the decision you have made. You and your boyfriend made a deeply personal choice that only the two of you could make. If it is of any comfort to you, I support you in your decision.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old single woman. While growing up, my father physically threatened me, and verbally abused me with insults, put-downs and vulgar language. My mother and I haven't had anything to do with him for 15 years.
My father is now very ill and doesn't have long to live. He leaves me angry voice-mail messages because I refuse to take care of him.
Abby, am I being a bad daughter for not wanting to subject myself to his abuse? -- NEEDING HELP IN MARYLAND
DEAR NEEDING HELP: Definitely not. Give your father the name of a licensed attendant-care agency in his area. They are listed in the telephone yellow pages. Attendants are trained to handle the needs of ill and disabled people.
Don't feel guilty for protecting yourself from a man who obviously hasn't changed in the last 15 years.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN IS RELUCTANT TO EXPLAIN WHY HE STOPS SHORT OF INTIMACY
DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old male. I have had erectile dysfunction for five years. I am sure this was the cause of my last divorce. I like to date women, but when it's time to initiate a physical relationship, I usually move on.
When I showed no interest in sex, one woman asked if I was gay. Another went so far as to ask me to "prove it."
I have a heart condition, diabetes, and the medicine I am prescribed prevents me from taking Viagra.
Abby, how do I handle this gracefully? -- JUST WANT TO DATE IN MODESTO, CALIF.
DEAR JUST: You don't owe these women an explanation unless you're considering a committed relationship. I see no reason to disclose your medical problems before that.
Continue dating. Don't isolate yourself. Many women out there are just looking for companionship, too. You will find someone. Trust me!
DEAR ABBY: I just lost my husband. He was 61 years old and suffered a massive coronary at home. Taking care of all the things a "new" widow must do has been very hard.
My husband had been married before, briefly, in the 1960s. When I contacted the Social Security office, they told me I would have to provide a copy of his divorce papers -- among other documents -- before I could receive his widow benefits. (Thank God his mother is still living and could tell me which city to contact and the approximate year of the divorce.)
I am writing this for the benefit of other women who are second and third wives. NOW is the time to get the divorce papers from their husbands' previous marriages. Doing it while you are grief-stricken is very stressful. -- HANGING BY A THREAD, TULSA, OKLA.
DEAR HANGING BY A THREAD: Please accept my condolences for the sudden loss of your beloved husband. I am sure many couples will be grateful that you made it a point at this difficult time to warn them.
You now need all of the support you can get, and I do not mean just financial. I hope you will find a grief-support group to help you through. Many readers have written to tell me how helpful they are. Please let me know how you are in six months. I care.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 23 years. Last week she got a letter from an old boyfriend, and she called him. I can understand why this guy is curious, and I don't mind that she called him, but they've been meeting for coffee.
I am not a jealous person, but I don't understand what he wants. I feel she should have just said "thanks for calling," and let that be the end of it.
We have never had any problems in our marriage, but I feel we are now definitely headed for one. Got any suggestions? -- WORRIED IN WICHITA
DEAR WORRIED: It's time for you to meet this old beau. The next time they have a coffee date, you should be included. It may put your fears to rest -- or alert you that trouble is brewing.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)