What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Safety Tips From Police Help Kids Stay Out of Harm's Way
DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice to "Concerned Knoxville Mom," who would like to scare her latchkey daughter into not opening the door to strangers. However, I have a better solution.
Mom should take the girl for a frank chat with a police officer who can relate actual horror stories. Perhaps arrangements could also be made for a police officer to address a school assembly occasionally on the topic of personal safety. The police would much rather prevent crimes than solve them. -- ROGER LEONARD, BOWIE, MD.
DEAR ROGER: That's a terrific idea. I love it when readers help each other. I'm sorry I didn't think of it. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the mother who allows her 10-year-old daughter "Amber" to stay home alone after school. If that mother would walk in my shoes for just one day, she would immediately abandon the practice. I am an emergency department nurse who has seen horrors occur to 10-year-olds who were left unsupervised.
I have tried frantically to blow life back into a 10-year-old boy who plunged into the icy water of a pond after he attempted to walk across too-thin ice. I have held the hand of a 10-year-old girl during an exam after she was brutally gang-raped by neighborhood teen-agers. I have heard the screams of a 10-year-old boy whose body was 100 percent burned in a raging house fire. I don't think I need to go on.
I realize children have different levels of maturity, but we must never forget that they are indeed children. How difficult would it be for "Concerned Mother" to find a teen-ager who would be willing to earn a few dollars to be with Amber for a few hours after school?
Some states have laws that prohibit children under a certain age being left alone. In Pennsylvania, the age is 12. If Amber were here in Pennsylvania, the "concerned" Knoxville mother would be arrested.
Please print this so that some parent who may not have considered all the consequences of leaving a child alone may see it. If it saves just one child from injury, it will be worth it. -- MORE CONCERNED IN YORK, PA.
DEAR MORE CONCERNED: I like your idea of getting a teen-ager to stay until the mother returns from work. If she has not already done so, the mother should also look into organized after-school activities for children of working parents.
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Tired of the Roots in Pennsylvania," about her boyfriend's fetish for women with blond hair, I'd like to throw in my 2 cents:
Many years ago (I am now 86), I had a blind date with a supposedly nice man. We went to a concert in a park. While we were walking up a hill, he went a little haywire when he noticed a blond woman walking about 10 feet ahead of us. He speeded up, and in order to keep pace, so did I. As soon as we got ahead of her, he turned around to look at this "blond goddess" and found himself staring at a woman who was close to 90! It proved how true is the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover."
If my poor blind date had been wearing false teeth, they surely would have fallen out! Needless to say, our first date was our last. -- GRAY-HAIRED GRANNY, LAGUNA HILLS, CALIF.
DEAR GRAY-HAIRED GRANNY: Perhaps the saying should be modified to: Don't judge a book by its front -- or back -- cover. The lesson your date learned holds true today: Flowing tresses do not necessarily mean a lovely young maiden is beneath them.
Tax Preparer Urges Parents to Leave Deductions at Home
DEAR ABBY: I have been preparing tax returns for 15 years. In all this time, I have seen many people from all walks of life. My pet peeve is people who bring their children with them when they have us prepare their taxes. I have had children unplug my computer, spill drinks on my desk, run around as if my office is a play school -- and their parents do nothing to discipline them. I find it impossible to concentrate when a child is screaming or crawling under my desk.
People have 3 1/2 months to get their taxes done. During that time, I know they could find a baby sitter for a few hours. It would make my job so much easier.
My job is stressful. I will do no less than 500 tax returns between now and April 15. Often people must wait for hours in our office just to be seen. In that environment, children become very restless. We are more likely to make a mistake if we have to baby-sit children while figuring taxes.
So, Abby, PLEASE inform your readers to leave their kids at home. If necessary, exchange baby-sitting services with a neighbor, relative or friend while you get your taxes done. It could result in a larger refund, less time spent, and everyone being a lot happier. -- TAXED TAX PREPARER
DEAR TAXED: Your comments make a lot of sense, and I'm sure you're not the only tax preparer who faces this problem. Business offices are not set up to accommodate young children, regardless of how well behaved they may be. Active children cannot be expected to sit silently for long periods of time as adults can. Not only is it unfair to the little ones, it can also be a nightmare for adults who are trying to work.
If parents heed your advice, everyone will benefit.
DEAR ABBY: I am 26-year-old woman and my best friend is 42. Her husband is insanely jealous when we do anything together. He's even jealous of me because I can make her laugh! He picks fights with her when we decide to do something -- he throws things, squeals his tires in the driveway, calls us lovers (which we are not), anything to get attention.
I am always on my best behavior when I'm at their house so as not to cause any trouble. This situation is not only frustrating, but it's making it difficult to remain friends. This has gone on for four years, and I don't know how much more I can tolerate. Abby, could you please point me in the right direction? -- AT MY WIT'S END, ALMA, MICH.
P.S. I don't think he's going to get therapy for this anytime soon.
DEAR WIT'S END: Your friend's husband is counting on the idea that his outrageous behavior will drive you away. If you haven't already done so, talk with your friend about how childish and controlling his behavior is. His attempt to isolate her friends is a form of abuse. Since it has reached the point of exceeding your level of tolerance, schedule your visits away from her home.
P.S. It's sad this man won't consider therapy. He needs it. Your friend could benefit from counseling, too, in order to understand why she tolerates his behavior.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Winner of Quilt Raffle Can't Be Judged by Threadbare Cover
DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to the letter about the ladies in the quilting club who disapproved of the man who won their quilt in a raffle. They referred to him as "scum."
We live in a small community, and I know this man. These women have judged him solely by his appearance. I admit he could clean up a bit and present himself better, but I try to look past it to the real person.
Abby, that man is a decent human being. He has a kind heart and good intentions. He may not have a lot of money, but he has always treated me with respect and kindness and tries to do what is right.
As for your advice to the complaining ladies, I would take it a step further. HE is the one with love and compassion, and it should rub off on THEM. They should know not to judge a book by its cover.
By the way, the man was thrilled to have won the quilt. He showed it around town to everyone who would look at it. -- FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR
DEAR FRIEND: When people write to an advice columnist, they often tell only half the story. Thank you for filling in the blanks on this one. I'm pleased the gentlemen received his quilt. I hope he enjoys it and never saw the first letter about it in this column.
Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm 76, and this is my first letter to an advice columnist. (I started reading advice columns years ago when Dorothy Dix wrote one.)
When I read the letter from the quilters, it reminded me of a raffle that took place about 50 years ago, held by an American Legion Post. I was still living in my native state of North Carolina at the time. The $1 tickets were for a dance at the post and a chance to win a new Cadillac. (You did not have to be present to win.)
One ticket was bought by a black man. He knew he would not be allowed to go to the dance; however, he figured that his dollar was going to a good cause. Well, you guessed it! The black man's ticket was the winner.
After the raffle, when the officials realized who had won, they decided a black man could not win such a prize. His dollar was returned to him, another ticket was drawn, and the Cadillac was awarded to the second "winner."
Well, even 50 years ago, so many white people protested that miscarriage of fairness, the Legion Post bought another Cadillac and gave it to the black man. -- NOAH J. GREEN, SAVANNAH, GA.
DEAR NOAH: Hallelujah! For those times and that locale, it must have seemed revolutionary that fairness prevailed.
DEAR ABBY: I have a 1-year-old daughter. On numerous occasions, strangers have approached me and asked if they could hold her. It is uncomfortable and awkward for me, and being at a loss for words, I usually allow their request.
I have talked to other parents about this, and they share the same uneasiness with these forward strangers.
Please tell me how to handle this. -- NEW MOTHER IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR NEW MOTHER: When a stranger asks to hold your daughter, simply tell the person no, you would prefer he or she didn't.
DEAR ABBY: I have had many personal problems over the years. Earlier this year, after years of hard work, I finally received my college degree.
I am hurt that the few people in my life didn't even take the time to send me a congratulatory card. What do you think of this, please? -- ROBIN IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR ROBIN: If you sent graduation announcements to the people in your life, and they didn't respond, I don't blame you for being hurt. Throw yourself a graduation party, invite your family and friends, and celebrate your achievement. You've earned it. Congratulations.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)