To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR READERS: A Happy Valentine's Day to one and all! There may be snowdrifts on the ground or rain clouds in the forecast, but regardless of what the weatherman says, there's sunshine and springtime in our hearts.
So, be a sweetheart: Call someone who's alone to say, "I'm thinking about you." If you know someone who's in a nursing home, take some flowers. Put your discarded belongings in a box and call Goodwill. Donate some blood. Listen to your teen-ager. Tell your parents you think they're great. Tape a love note to his (or her) mirror. Forgive an enemy. Send a donation to Meals on Wheels or the Salvation Army.
And, if you love someone -- tell him (or her) now; please don't wait until next Valentine's Day to be a sweetheart again. -- LOVE, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman with a master's degree. I have a great job at an Internet company. Last summer, my closest friends and I traveled to three foreign countries, saw four plays, three baseball games, one soccer match and seven concerts. So what could possibly be the problem?
My family is concerned that I do not have a boyfriend. They can't understand how I can be 27 and unmarried, let alone without a "significant other." My father is worried that my "eggs will dry up"; my mother "only wants me to be happy." Mother calls only to ask if I am dating anyone, and when I tell her about my adventures, she always says it would be so much nicer with a boyfriend.
I know people have more serious problems, but this is something many single people deal with, and quite frankly, it is very frustrating. There are many more facets to my life than husband-hunting, but my parents aren't interested in anything else.
Abby, please tell your readers who are parents that a constant barrage of relationship questions every time they talk to their child is not going to make it happen any faster. When it does happen, we will joyfully tell them all about it. -- SINGLE AND PSYCHED IN HOBOKEN, N.J.
DEAR SINGLE AND PSYCHED: I'll go even further than you're asking me to. Parents who constantly harp on the "have you found a boyfriend (or girlfriend)" question subtly undermine their children's self-esteem, force them into a defensive posture, and reduce their likelihood of finding someone. People who are happy with their lives and proud of their accomplishments are far more attractive candidates for a meaningful relationship than those who are made to feel their achievements and interests are not important.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single dad. My daughter just started pre-kindergarten this year. Here's my problem: My daughter's teacher is very attractive. She doesn't wear a wedding ring, seems to be very caring and has a great sense of humor. I would really like to take her out if she's available.
I can't seem to come up with any ideas on how to approach her without making us both uncomfortable. If she says no or that she's spoken for, seeing as how we'll be seeing each other every day, this could be awkward.
I haven't had these feelings for anyone in more than five years. Please help. -- STUCK IN NEW YORK
DEAR STUCK: If you've been out of circulation so long that you no longer know how to ask someone out, try this: Mention a play or sporting event and ask if she'd like to go. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Attraction is usually a two-way street.
If you're concerned about possible embarrassment, wait until closer to the end of the school session.
CLINGY COUPLE ARE TOO CLOSE FOR GRANDMOTHER'S COMFORT
DEAR ABBY: How do you feel about a granddaughter who brings her fiance to dinner and then throughout the evening lies close to him on the sofa, caresses him, and can't keep her hands off him, apparently forgetting there are others present in the room?
Her parents seemed unconcerned, but I was shocked that they would display such behavior in front of so many people. I am sad that they showed her grandfather and me so little respect. Please respond. -- FLABBERGASTED IN VIRGINIA
DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Don't take it personally. I'm sure no disrespect was intended. People can't be expected to know what they haven't been told -- and obviously your granddaughter hasn't been told that intimate displays of affection make other people uncomfortable.
If you invite the young lovers to dinner, speak up and tell your granddaughter that while you're pleased that she's head-over-heels in love, you would prefer she keep both feet on the floor while she's at your house.
DEAR ABBY: Two days after Thanksgiving, my next-door neighbor's house burned to the ground. They had gone 10 miles away to spend the night with their children and grandchildren. We didn't know our neighbors well enough to know anyone to contact in case of emergency, although they know we are here for them and vice versa.
Abby, please urge people to think about possible emergencies and to plan ahead of time for them. It was more than two hours before these people could be located, and by then they had lost everything.
I only wish I had asked them for an emergency number ahead of time. You can be sure we will be giving a contact number to a few of our closest neighbors if we go away. -- SORRY WE WERE TOO LATE, McALESTER, OKLA.
DEAR SORRY: Not only should travelers make sure they can be reached in case of an emergency -- such as damage to property or a sudden illness or death in the family -- they should carry with them the name and phone number of someone to be contacted in case something happens to them while they're away.
DEAR ABBY (a.k.a. Pauline Phillips and Jeanne Phillips):
In 1957, Time magazine called Dear Abby "the fastest rising star in the field of journalism." Ever since, Dear Abby has symbolized a caring heart, a fountain of commonsense wisdom, and a solace to people who need a trusted friend in whom to confide. It is why you graced the radio waves for so long, and why 95 million people read you and learn from you in 1,250 newspapers every day.
For 45 years, you have fulfilled that early promise. In recognition of your achievement, on Feb. 14, Valentine's Day, a Dear Abby "star" will be placed in front of the beautiful and historic Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Your star will shine more brightly than ever from the world's most famous boulevard of brightly shining stars. You have earned it and deserve this tribute from all of us who love you. -- JOHNNY GRANT, HONORARY MAYOR OF HOLLYWOOD
DEAR JOHNNY: I'm over the moon about the star! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Tax Preparer Offers Advice You Can Take to the Bank
DEAR ABBY: Tax time is approaching. As a tax practitioner, I am asking for your help. Please inform your readers:
(1) Same- or next-day "refunds" are NOT refunds. They are super-high interest loans with interest rates higher than some loan sharks charge! If you file early, you can get your money back in as little as two weeks.
(2) Allow the practitioner to use a direct-deposit refund. If you don't, your return could take up to 10 days longer to be printed, sorted and mailed. The IRS already knows about every bank account you have, so you have nothing to fear.
(3) Choose a practitioner who will be there after the end of April. Don't use a tax mill that disappears after three or four months.
(4) Make sure the preparer signs your return. IT'S THE LAW. If he or she refuses, do not pay for or accept the return. Remember, you are just as responsible for your tax preparer's mistakes as he or she is for yours.
(5) Don't ask the preparer to do something illegal. (You could wind up as cellmates.)
(6) Just because somebody you know took a certain tax deduction does not mean you're also eligible.
(7) The IRS now requires Social Security numbers for each member of your family. Most hospitals arrange for numbers to be issued at birth. You can also obtain one from your local Social Security office. If you are a nonresident alien, the local IRS office will issue you a temporary number for identification purposes while you are in this country.
Thanks for your help in getting this information out, Abby. -- TAX TIPS FROM A PROFESSIONAL
DEAR PROFESSIONAL: As people scramble to get their tax filing done, it's tempting to take a few shortcuts. Thank you for your warnings and helpful suggestions. I hope my readers will take them to heart.
DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to "Terrified in the South," who discovered her husband's interest in child pornography. "Terrified" asked whether you thought her husband could be a child molester and said that she couldn't stand the thought of her husband touching her "if he ... hurt a child like that."
Abby, her husband doesn't need to physically touch a child to "hurt a child like that"; his desire for child pornography creates and fuels the demand for the sexual exploitation of children. Please inform your readers that the very act of downloading or viewing child pornography is a criminal act and creates the environment for children to be sexually abused by SOMEONE.
The U.S. Customs Service investigates the trafficking of child pornography via the Internet. If your readers suspect someone is involved with child pornography over the Internet, referrals can be made by calling 1-800-BE ALERT (1-800-232-5378) or via e-mail to c3(at)customs.treas.gov. -- GABRIEL HAGAN, SPECIAL AGENT, U.S. CUSTOMS SERVICE
DEAR SPECIAL AGENT HAGAN: Thank you for your expertise on this subject. Child pornography is a vice that affects everyone whose lives are in any way touched by it. I suspect your letter will be clipped and saved by concerned readers.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)