Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
GOOD WORDS LIVE ON LONG AFTER THEY'VE BEEN WRITTEN
DEAR ABBY: Would you please reprint the letter from Sister H.P.M. of St. Paul, Minn.? In a nation of so much unrest since Sept. 11, and the tragedies of the school shootings in the recent past, now is the time for America's teachers to take action. Sometimes one small gesture of caring is enough to let people know they are appreciated and important. -- FAITHFUL READER, MONROE, MICH.
DEAR READER: Thank you for requesting that inspirational letter. I'm pleased to run it again:
DEAR ABBY: I have been retired from teaching for many years and would like to share a lesson I learned that stands out in my memory like no other.
I was young, teaching math at the junior high school level. We had worked hard on a new concept all week and the students were very stressed. They were frowning, frustrated and carping at each other and me. Wanting to stop the crankiness before it got out of hand, I asked the students in the room to take out two sheets of paper and list the names of the other students in the room, leaving space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish the assignment. When the students handed me the papers and left, they seemed more relaxed.
That weekend, I wrote the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper and listed what the students had said about that individual. On Monday, I gave each student his or her list. Before long, everyone was smiling. "Really?" I heard one whisper. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone." "I didn't know anyone liked me that much!"
The assignment was never mentioned again, but it didn't matter, because the exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students felt better about themselves and each other.
Years later, I was asked to attend the funeral of one of those students, a promising young man even when I taught him in junior high school. I was deeply saddened by his untimely death in Vietnam.
The church was packed with "Mark's" friends, many of whom had been his classmates and students of mine.
After the funeral, I and many of Mark's former classmates were invited to his parents' house. They approached me and said, "We want to show you something. Mark was carrying this when he was killed." His father pulled something from a wallet. It was the list of all the good things Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
A group of Mark's classmates overheard the exchange. One smiled sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in my diary." "I put mine in our wedding album," said another. "I bet we all saved them," said someone else. "I carry mine with me at all times."
That's when I finally cried. The lesson my former students taught me that day became a standard in every class I taught for the rest of my career. -- SISTER H.P.M., ST. PAUL, MINN.
DEAR SISTER H.P.M.: Your students were fortunate, indeed. They learned at an early age that "Good words are worth much, and cost little." (George Herbert, 1593-1633)
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Father of Flower Girl Finds It's No Bed of Roses at Home
DEAR ABBY: My nephew is being married in a few months and has asked my 7-year-old daughter, "Shelley," to be the flower girl in his wedding. He is her godfather.
I also have a 5-year-old daughter, "Ruthie." My wife thinks it is unfair that Ruthie wasn't asked to be in the wedding because "it's every little girl's dream" to be a flower girl. The truth is, Ruthie did not feel slighted in the least when she heard Shelley was asked. However, my wife, her mother, two sisters and a couple of her friends think it is wrong and mean-spirited for Ruthie not to be included.
This argument has caused a great deal of strain between my wife and me. She has even stated that rather than attending the wedding, she may stay home with Ruthie. Abby, do you think I am being an insensitive father for not telling my nephew that he must ask BOTH girls to be flower girls? -- BEWILDERED IN TEXAS
DEAR BEWILDERED: Certainly not. Being a flower girl isn't "every little girl's dream" unless someone has planted the notion. Tell your wife and the meddling in-laws to stop interfering with your nephew's wedding plans. If your wife prefers to stay home with your 5-year-old, that's her choice.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my father's heart surgeon. He is extremely busy and calls less and less often as the weeks go by. He makes very little time to see me, although he claims he will make more time for me in the future. I know he has a lot of pressure, but I'm sure he doesn't do heart surgery 24 hours a day.
Every time I decide to give up on him, he calls, apologizes, and promises to see me "soon." He also pays me lavish compliments. I really like him a lot, but the relationship is going nowhere.
What must I do to resolve the situation? I don't have the strength to say no. -- HEARTBROKEN OKLAHOMAN
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Don't let this cardiologist break your heart, and don't burn your bridges. Accept his compliments, issue no ultimatums, and make it a priority to meet and date other eligible men. He may, indeed, have an extremely full schedule. However, until he's willing to place you higher on his list of priorities, make sure your social calendar is as full as you want it to be.
DEAR ABBY: I thought you and your readers might enjoy these announcements from actual church bulletins. Get ready to chuckle! -- LOIS IN HELLERTOWN, PA.
DEAR LOIS: Although these have appeared in my column before, I'm sure many people would welcome a chuckle. Read on:
ANNOUNCEMENTS
1. Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.
2. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Jenny Palmer to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
3. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and may be seen in the fellowship hall all day Friday.
4. This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
5. Tonight's sermon will be "What is Hell?" Come early and hear our choir practice.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR READERS: Because today is Christmas and a celebration of faith for so many, I am devoting today's column to "Pennies From Heaven," a subject my readers have taken to heart.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
DEAR ABBY: I have twin sisters who are a few years younger than I. Our mom usually baked them a double-heart birthday cake, since they were born the day after Valentine's Day.
Mom passed away suddenly in 1993. There was no warning. Of course, the three of us were devastated. It took a long time to get over the shock and pain.
This year we got together on the twins' 55th birthday. After opening the gifts that I got them, my sister Marilyn tried on the black fleece jacket. She put her hands in the pockets to model it and felt something. Removing her hands from the pockets she asked, "Sue, did you put these in here?" In each hand she held a penny, dated 1993!
That's our "pennies from heaven" story -- strange, but true. We feel these pennies were from Mom, letting us know that she was with us on her twin daughters' birthday. -- SUE REICH, KANSAS CITY, KAN.
DEAR SUE: Perhaps your mother was putting in her 2 cents' worth on that happy occasion.
DEAR ABBY: Back in 1936 or 1937, I was living at home and driving a junky old car. One day I casually mentioned to my mother that I needed to give the steering wheel a good cleaning.
She went out and cleaned it, and as a joke I paid her a penny for it.
After she passed away and went to heaven, we discovered that she had wrapped the penny in a little piece of paper upon which she had scribbled, "The penny Carl gave me for washing the steering wheel of his car. Signed, Minnie Blaich." (I'm enclosing a photocopy.)
I had the nicest parents, and have a wife who is just as nice. We were married on my birthday, Oct. 8, 1939. We now we have been married for 62 years.
I hope you enjoyed my penny story. -- CARL BLAICH, ZEPHYRHILLS, FLA.
P.S. I'm still kickin' -- but I'm not making much dust.
DEAR CARL: Your penny story touched my heart. Obviously, your dear mother treasured the memory of that event, which is why the penny meant so much to her. I'll bet she wouldn't have parted with that penny for any amount of money.
DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was 10 years old (she's 14 now), we sent cupcakes to school on her birthday. Later that evening, I asked her how school went that day. "Oh, Mom," she said, "it was the best day I ever had at school." I smiled, and she continued: "Except for the shooting." Terror struck at my heart and my smile froze into fear.
Apparently, some idiot across the street from her school had shot his gun into the air while the kids were playing in the school yard. The playground supervisor immediately ordered the children to drop to the ground, and the police were called.
My little girl went on with her day: "But I got to pick out a prize from the 'good behavior box' -- and this is for you." She handed me a bookmark about guardian angels, attached to which was a penny with an angel cut into its center. It is priceless to me. To this day, I carry it on my key chain and say a little prayer for her safety when I'm reminded of its meaning. -- SHARON IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR SHARON: If anyone ever says, "A penny for your thoughts," share your story with him or her. It's an important reminder of how precious life is.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)