To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Man Hopes Former Office Friend Can Remain a Friend
DEAR ABBY: I worked with this great gal, "Lauren," for about four years. She is very attractive. We would see each other about once a month outside of work. We never went out as a couple -- always with other co-workers. We didn't see each other as often after she got married, but we maintained our friendship.
Two years ago, Lauren quit work and she, her husband and child moved away. Within a year, they moved back to our city. I now talk to her on the phone once every three months. Whenever we talk, she says we will get together "soon" -- but we never do.
I know Lauren is married and I am single, but I would enjoy having lunch with her or going for a walk once in a while. Abby, my question is, do you think Lauren and I are still friends? -- JUST A WORK FRIEND?
DEAR JUST A WORK FRIEND: I'm sure Lauren doesn't like you any less, but it's time to face the fact that your friend's circumstances and priorities have changed. She has a husband and child who must come first. Instead of dwelling on the status of this relationship, it is time to move on and cultivate new friends.
DEAR ABBY: I adore the letters about "pennies from heaven." After reading the last one, I thought about it all day and said to myself: That could never happen to me. I don't know anyone in heaven who cares about me -- except maybe my brother who was killed in a car crash when I was 13, but he's probably forgotten all about me. I'm almost 38 now.
Three days later, after my husband and I were leaving a restaurant and walking to our car, I looked down on the filthy sidewalk and spotted a penny. I laughed and told him, "I found a penny from heaven!" I turned the penny over to check the date. I couldn't believe my eyes -- the date was 1974! Abby, I have only one keepsake that belonged to my deceased brother -- a high school class necklace with the inscription: "Senior 1974." No other date would have meant anything to me, as I don't even know what year he was born.
When I got home, I showed my family the necklace I had kept hidden all these years. Even my husband was touched. What are the chances that the penny would have the same date, the only date I would associate with my brother?
I am not religious and never thought this could happen to me. I am still shocked. My mother is astounded. Now she knows her son is where she hoped he would be. I absolutely believe it is a "penny from heaven." -- LISA ANGILANO, BEREA, OHIO
DEAR LISA: So do I. And since that penny had the power to reinforce your mother's faith and restore yours, I'd say that penny was heaven-sent -- wouldn't you?
DEAR ABBY: My parents recently retired and moved into a condo. While in the process of helping them move out of their house of 35 years, I was given some items. In one of the cartons, I discovered some steamy love letters written to my dad from another woman in 1981.
How should I handle this with my father? It was hurtful and embarrassing to find something like this after all this time. -- UNSURE SON IN UTAH
DEAR UNSURE SON: Place the letters in a manila envelope or a sturdy box and seal it securely. Give it to your father privately and tell him the contents belong to him and were taken by mistake. Period. End of conversation.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Dad's Life With Second Wife Is Cause of Children's Thanks Dear Abby: The Letter From "Desperate for a Life of My Own," Whose Daughters Successfully Thwarted His Attempts at Love After His Wife of 47 Years Passed Away, Landed Right in Our Family's Back Ya
Mom died suddenly in June of 1982, a mere three months after we helped my parents celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Seeing Dad so broken and old at the funeral, we ached for him and worried about his health and future. Silly us! By the end of the year, he called to inform us that he was seeing "Jane," a widowed longtime friend, and that they were being married. I was speechless (a rare occurrence, according to my wife), but quickly gave my blessing along with my brother and two sisters. We knew that Mom and Dad were soulmates, but if Dad was lucky enough to find love again, who were we to deny him?
Dad passed away last June, three months after we celebrated his 80th birthday. We're heartbroken, but our grief is tempered by thoughts of Dad's happy and full 18 years spent with Jane. His life was honored by hundreds of family and friends at his funeral service. I know I speak for the rest of the family in saying that we owe Jane an eternal debt of love and gratitude for sharing her life with Dad. We embrace her as part of the family and will continue to do so until the day she leaves us.
Your advice to "Desperate" neglected to address one small detail. Unless they had obtained a court order, the wiretap his daughters put on his phone was illegal, and they could have been prosecuted. What I say to "Desperate" is simply this: Sir, if you are fortunate enough to find love again in the autumn of your life, go ahead and jump in, right after you tell your daughters to go take a flying leap! -- FORTUNATE SON, LONGVIEW, WASH.
DEAR FORTUNATE SON: It appears your father had many blessings in his life -- not the least of which were his children. Thank you for such an upbeat letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: How sad to read the letter from the elderly widower whose daughters drove away his new wife and now threaten to do the same with his new potential mate. I am a lawyer who does a lot of estate planning, and I have a couple of suggestions for him.
First, disinherit these greedy offspring and leave his estate to charity. If he won't do that, have his will include a clause like this:
"If at the time of my death I am married to (the new flame), I leave all of my estate to my two daughters, in equal shares. If I am not married to (the new flame), I leave all of my estate to the following charities: ..."
That should induce the daughters to be kind to the new wife. If the new wife dies first or leaves on her own, the daughters may get nothing, but that is what they deserve anyway.
Finally, his two daughters sound so determined to have his estate that he might want to add a clause that says the provisions for his daughters are to be effective ONLY if they can establish by clear and convincing evidence that his death was not the result of a homicide caused or procured by either of them.
Let the old guy have a life! -- ATTORNEY IN EUGENE, ORE.
DEAR ATTORNEY: When I suggested to "Desperate" that he talk the entire situation over with his attorney, a legal document of some kind was what I had in mind. It did not occur to me that he might need to hire a food-taster. I hope he sees your letter and takes it to heart.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Deceased Wife's Relatives Keep Husband in the Family
DEAR ABBY: My high school sweetheart and I reunited and married after his wife of eight years died of breast cancer. She was only 39. They had a sweet little girl together, and I brought my two little ones into our new relationship. We have been together for five years and are a very happy blended family.
My husband's former wife -- I'll call her Nicki -- was very close to her parents and siblings. After Nicki's death, they continued their strong relationship with their granddaughter and my husband, and were very accepting of me and my children when we joined the family.
However, one issue troubles me just a bit: Nicki's parents and siblings continue to address my husband as "son-in-law" or "brother-in-law." I know they loved their daughter, and I respect their feelings, but "till death do us part" means just that, and sadly, the title son-in-law died with their daughter. I feel their continued use of this term shows a lack of respect for me and our marriage.
What do you think about this? -- "AUTUMN" IN NEW YORK
DEAR AUTUMN: Lack of respect? Bonds of love are not severed by death. Nicki's family welcomed you. Are you LOOKING for trouble? If the answer is yes, keep dwelling on this imagined slight, and you'll have unhappiness, dissatisfaction and discord in abundance.
DEAR ABBY: I have a very dear friend, "Lois," who lives 600 miles from me. I visit her once or twice a year. She tries to make me feel welcome and comfortable. However, there's one big problem: her St. Bernard, "Bud."
When we sit down to eat, Bud stares at me face-to-face. His doggy breath wafts over my plate. He steals my food if I don't watch him closely.
Lois scolds him, but Bud ignores her. Then she looks at me with an "I'm sorry" expression and does nothing.
I think it is very rude to allow a dog to act this way. Lois could put Bud in another room or on the screened-in porch while we're eating, but she doesn't. This has made me so uncomfortable that I don't think I can bear another visit.
Abby, please print your opinion. Maybe Lois will read it in the paper and recognize herself. Thank you. -- DOGGONE DISGUSTED IN ALABAMA
DEAR DISGUSTED: I don't blame you for being disgusted. Dogs are pack animals -- and Bud is clearly "top dog" in Lois' household. Your friend should have asserted her dominance and exercised some discipline with her dog long ago.
You would be doing Lois a favor to level with her. And in the future, you'd be doing yourself a favor to stay in a hotel and arrange to have your meals with her away from the house until she teaches her pet some manners.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "SCARED ABOUT THE NEW JOB": Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. (Submitted by David Broome)
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)