Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Thoughtful Gifts for Seniors Are Those That Last All Year
DEAR ABBY: It's the time of year to consider what to buy people for Christmas gifts. As a senior who is also handicapped, I would like you to know about one of the nicest gifts I ever received.
Last year, my neighbors presented me with a calendar. They told me to circle one day each month when they could take me out to dinner. I selected the 15th. They pick me up and take me to a nice restaurant I could never afford. I greatly enjoy their company.
Each time I get into their car -- even in July -- I wish them a Merry Christmas. -- SENIOR IN RICHMOND HEIGHTS, OHIO
DEAR SENIOR: What a terrific idea. It seems no sooner are the dishes put away from Thanksgiving dinner than it's time to start Christmas and Hanukkah shopping. And that means it's time to publish my list of gift ideas for senior citizens.
Readers, if you plan on sending holiday gifts, first let me tell you what NOT to send. Forget the cologne, aftershave and dusting powders unless you have first checked to see if they are welcome. Scents are highly distinctive (no pun intended), and not every perfume works on every person.
Never give a pet to anyone unless you are absolutely certain the person wants one and is able to properly care for it.
Do not give wine or liquor to people unless you're sure they imbibe.
Candy, nuts, confections and fruitcakes make beautiful gifts for folks who aren't counting calories, but have compassion for those who are, and don't lead them into temptation.
With the price of groceries going through the roof, many people on fixed incomes would appreciate a gift basket of goodies. How about small cans of tuna and chicken? Also include crackers, assorted flavored instant coffees, herbal teas, soup mixes and cookies.
Gift certificates are always welcome: for groceries, haircuts, manicures, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, theater tickets, videos and department stores. And don't forget prepaid long-distance calling cards.
Not all seniors drive, so bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis are always welcome.
Large-print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries, etc., marked and personalized with family photos make useful gifts, as do large-print address books with information transferred from the recipient's records.
Payment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly to the utility -- then let the recipients know they have "extra" money to spend as they wish.
A cordless phone or answering machine is a handy gift.
Membership in a gym if the person wants to exercise.
A magnifying glass.
A cuddly robe and slippers with non-skid soles.
Sweatpants, sweatshirts and jogging shoes.
For someone who has a pet, send it a treat -- a can of dog or cat food, or a rawhide chewstick or catnip toy.
A subscription to a magazine or newspaper you know the person will enjoy is a thoughful gift.
Because medications are expensive, a gift certificate to the neighborhood pharmacy would be much appreciated. (Trust me.)
Stationery and stamps come in handy year-round. If you send them, be sure to include felt-tipped pens, too.
Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. Holidays can be depressing for people who are alone. So, if you know someone who could use an outing, give him or her the best gift of all -- an invitation to have a meal with you and your family.
If you ain't givin', you ain't livin'!
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
NEW CHALLENGES GIVE GREATER MEANING TO THIS THANKSGIVING
DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day. It is an unusual Thanksgiving because some of the things we Americans have always assumed are no longer true. For the first time in the history of this country, the sense of personal security that the majority of us have taken for granted has been shaken.
And yet, if we look around we still have much for which to be thankful.
Let us offer thanks for the men and women in our armed forces who are separated from their families during this holiday season, who put their lives on the line to defend freedom and democracy and to preserve our American dream.
Let us offer thanks for our police and firefighters who put themselves at risk for us day and night in order to safeguard our lives and property.
Let us offer thanks for our medical personnel and health-care workers who go above and beyond the call of duty to preserve our health and well-being during these stressful times.
Let us offer thanks to our postal workers -- ever faithful, making sure the mail goes through in "rain, or hail, or sleet or snow" -- in spite of their concerns for their own health and safety. At a time when saboteurs have put dangerous toxins into the mails, these courageous men and women persevere every day to keep our citizens connected.
I am personally thankful to you, Dear Readers and fellow patriots, for sending me thousands of letters, poems, prayers and essays expressing your heartfelt thoughts about the events of Sept. 11. Thay are much appreciated.
Let us all be thankful that we live in a country where we worship as we choose, vote according to our consciences and publish our opinions without fear of reprisal.
President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." We are being tested, but we will prevail and emerge stronger in spite of the battles ahead -- on the home front as well as on foreign soil. Already we have forged international alliances that were never before possible.
And now, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer. Perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:
Oh, heavenly Father,
We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank thee for health and remember the sick.
We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.
May these remembrances stir us to service,
That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.
P.S. An afterthought: Remember, the surest cure for the holiday blues is to do something nice for someone else. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him or her to share a meal? If your guest doesn't drive or doesn't like to go out alone after dark, offer to provide the transportation. Try it. And let me know the results. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Vera," is a difficult person. She declares her opinion on anything and everything, and doesn't care whether it's hurtful, if it's asked for, or even if it's her place to speak up at all.
She also plays favorites with her children and grandchildren. Vera has always felt it is her right to discipline her grandkids, even if their parents are present.
My husband says with a chuckle that she's too old to change, that she's got a good heart and means well. I chalk it up to her being meddling and overbearing.
Vera has treated me with disrespect during most of our marriage, many times in front of our children. In spite of this, I have never said a bad word about her in front of the children and have tried to cover for her when it was obvious she was playing favorites.
All this has not been easy, because my mother-in-law has not had a lot of time for our family. As a result, she doesn't really know our children individually. My husband is blind to how his mother's behavior has affected our kids.
Our oldest son is now a freshman at a university about half an hour from Vera's home. She remarked to me several times before he left that she is looking forward to seeing him on weekends, and that she has many chores for him to do.
When we were packing our son off to school, I mentioned this to him. He looked me straight in the eye and said: "No, Mom. Grandma treats you like dirt. She hasn't had time for me in the last 18 years. Now I don't have time for HER."
My son asked that I not give Vera his phone number. We agreed that, to be fair, I would not give anyone in the family his number, and that he would take a list of family addresses and phone numbers so he could contact relatives himself.
Abby, what do I say to my mother-in-law? I understand where our son is coming from, but I feel he should show some respect to his grandmother. He left last weekend, and Vera will be calling soon to get his number. There are going to be repercussions if I withhold it from her. Please help. -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
DEAR DESPERATE: Your mother-in-law is reaping the harvest of what she has sown. Tell her that college is a big adjustment for your son -- it's the truth -- and that he has her number with him. In the meantime, she'll have to find someone else to do her chores.
Don't make your son feel guilty for not loving someone who hasn't loved him. His silence will deliver his message loud and clear.
DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old. My parents have been married 31 years. My parents and I have a great relationship. Dad and I work in the same office.
I looked in my father's desk for something, and much to my surprise, I discovered two boxes of condoms. I wasn't snooping. In our office, we are always in and out of one another's desks, getting business cards or other office needs.
Abby, I can't see why my father would need condoms, especially at work. The first thing that crossed my mind is that my father may be cheating. Should I confront him? -- PERPLEXED DAUGHTER IN ALBERTA
DEAR PERPLEXED DAUGHTER: If you're smart, you'll M.Y.O.B. and assume someone gave the condoms to your father as a joke. Say nothing to him about them. Possession doesn't necessarily mean he is guilty of anything.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)